The Church of Chris Martin

Violence: Heavy
Racism: None (Morgan Freeman’s in it)
Homophobia: None
Blasphemy: None

I suppose the reason I’ve always liked Batman is that unlike all the other superheroes, he doesn’t actually have any superpowers. He can’t fly, wasn’t bitten by a mutated spider nor changed by radiation - he’s just a regular guy with some hi-tech toys and something to prove.

A lot like Chris Martin, really. He’s a normal man, who just tries a little harder than the rest of us. By living his life more purely, he has become what he wanted - The Messiah.

Sure, Batman may be a bit of a vigilante, but nobody’s perfect. He’s headstrong with ideals, makes mistakes, and sometimes acts before he thinks. But instead of a angry, violent man with a fetish for rubber, we see a man who is battling his personal demons, and trying to do what’s right. Those who have been part of the Batman era for a long time know that Batman’s no killer - hecares about others and wants to do the right thing. Just like Chris Martin. So anyone who says he shouldn’t have hit that journalist, or scraped the other guy’s car with his keys can shut up because he’s no worse than Batman, and everyone knows Batman is cool.

This is the fifth Batman movie - but the first one to get it right. It is far and above the last 4, and probably even better than Spider Man but in a different way. I’m also glad that whacko Tim Burton isn’t allowed to make them anymore. It’s brilliantly directed by Christopher Nolan, and Christian Bale is brilliant as Bruce Wayne/Batman (oops! possible spoiler!) Henri Ducard. Katie Holmes out of Dawsons Creek is brilliant AND gorgeous as Wayne’s childhood sweetheart, even if she is a Scientologist.

Batman Begins shows the importance of compassion, especially to those that don’t deserve it. Batman’s motivation is a reminder that it is not only what you do, but why you do it. Indeed, our actions are open to misinterpretation, and erroneous conclusions being formed - like Chris and the journalist. This movie reminds us that the decent, moral position is to understand, that evil is actualy the result of being poor, and that criminals are to be understood and treated and helped, rather than justly punished and locked up like they deserve.

There was a strong message here about facing your fears, about learning to control them, and using them to your advantage, that was very poignant. Truly, I could picture Chris watching this film.

I loved this film - straight off the bat!

No Comments » Posted by drobbingdon / reviews

EXCLUSIVE: Coldplay’s music isn’t just hugely successful – it can cure diseases beyond the scope of modern medicine, it is claimed.

 Chris Martin must feel pretty lucky these days – he sells millions of records, he’s won a Grammy, and has two children with his beautiful film star wife, and all by the age of 30. His rapid rise to fame has been nothing short of miraculous.
Now it seems like that might be literally true. An Invernesian man is claiming that his meeting with the Coldplay singer has cured him of a chronic illness.

Scott Macdonald (47) has suffered from the debilitating and painful condition Spine Abifida since birth. It left him unable to work and in need of constant care. But Scott is an optimistic soul, and never let the disease squash his spirit.

 “I’ve always loved music. It’s helped me deal with my condition,” said the brave youngster. “I taught myself to play the guitar. Coldplay are my favourite band because they’re brilliant and their songs are so uplifting, and so I was delighted when my best friend bought me tickets to see them playing at the S.E.C.C.”

After the show, Scott was invited backstage with all the other wheelchair cases to meet the band. “They were all lovely,” he says, “but when I shook hands with Chris, something funny happened. It felt like I was being electrocuted, but in a nice way. I looked up at him and he just smiled… A week later, my Spine Abifida had cleared right up.”

He insists that Chris Martin somehow healed him, spontaneously and miraculously, and amazingly, he’s not the only one. A Ukrainian woman has alleged that hearing ‘Yellow’ cured her jaundice, and a 15-year old girl seems to have regained her sight during ‘In My Place’ at a Hamburg concert. However, there is no evidence at present to back the claims up. Chris Martin has thus far declined to comment.

Perhaps finding that evidence is a job for ‘The Scientist’. Hoping to avoid ‘Trouble’, this blog suggests that perhaps these individuals experienced nothing more than ‘A Rush of Blood to the Head’.

No Comments » Posted by drobbingdon / Church History and miracles and news

{This is the last part - for now - in our series collecting the wit and wisdom of Chris Martin.These proverbs can be memorised, tattooed, carved in stone, anything - just as long as you carry the words with you always.}

On Bono: I felt like a fourth-rate Bono. Later on, I felt like a third-rate Bono and hopefully it’ll escalate until I feel like a full-on Bono.

On Hello!: If a celebrity magazine is in an airport lounge, I’ll have a look. I like gossip as much as the next man. But then, I’ll bump into someone I’ve read about and I’ll say, ‘Oh, I read so-and-so…’ and I curse myself, because I hate people coming up to me and going, ‘Chris I read that you’re macrobiotic, is that true?’ And I say, ‘Well, no, not really.’

On the Threat to the Middle Classes: If the world keeps going the way it is, it’s going to be bad for everybody, not just for poor people.

On the Wu-Tang Clan: We are just a bunch of students. I’d think, “Gosh, I’m just some public-school boy with my house colours… ” I haven’t got any experiences as valid as the Wu-Tang Clan.

On Politics: I would say don’t be such a stupid c**t, because to say politics and music don’t mix is to say that politics and gardening don’t mix, or politics and plumbing. Politics concerns everybody.

On Kraftwerk: Kraftwerk are obviously in the top three bands of all time. They’re amazing. This is going to sound highly pretentious, but I was reading a book about Leonardo Da Vinci, and it said he was like a man who had woken up in the dark before everyone else got up hours later. That’s like listening to Kraftwerk.

CHRIS BE WITH YOU!

No Comments » Posted by drobbingdon / Did you know!?

Look at the stars, see how they shine for you…

31 years ago on the 2nd day of March, a great prophet was born. (AKA Chris Martin.)

When that other great prophet, Jesus, was born, a star appeared in the sky above that showed wise men the way.

The Christians have been trying to explain the star of Bethlehem for centuries. Was it a comet? A supernova? Or something altogether more spiritual? No-one knows for sure.

But now, the CoCM can announce – we have found our star.

It is located at right ascension 0h38m27s, declination 4*51′50″ and is numbered 1708064 in the AXAF guide.

It is not actually yellow, more a cool red. It may not be visible to the naked eye, and it may not be visible from the Northern parts of Europe and the US, but IT IS OUR STAR.

And all it needs is a name.

VOTE NOW!

No Comments » Posted by drobbingdon / news and site news

{This is the second in a series of the CoCM’s Proverbs, the wise words of Our Prophet, Chris Martin.}

On Lyrics - “The lyrics come out and I just try not to get in their way.”

“When you hear someone like Ian McCulloch or Bob Dylan…those are lyrics that should be printed. Mine are just a bunch of feelings.”

“There’s so much to write about all the time, even if you’re seemingly on top. Life is always carrying on. You can write about why am I having a great day today, but then 200 miles away there’s a hurricane going on. There’s always life to write about.”

On Fare Trade - “Fair Trade chocolate tastes better, but also it was amazing to go to a rich, green area like this and know that for every bar of Divine chocolate you’re eating, you’re helping out the people who grew it for you far more than if you eat Nestlé.”

“How on earth could anybody stand in a field with these people and say that it’s the right thing to do to dump their excess produce cheaply on a third world country? It’s beyond me. But the truth is, the people responsible haven’t talked to the farmers in the areas affected.”

On Canada - “Canada is heaven on a stick!”

On being “cool” - “My eye-opening years were between 13 and 17. I was so cushioned until that. But at Sherborne, it was the first time I’d ever experienced somebody disliking me. Well, I used to walk funny, and, to be quite honest, I was a bit of a knobhead - I wouldn’t have liked me either.”

“When you’re born into a middle-class white family in the county of Devon, there are things that you feel like you’re not allowed to do. Like be a pop star or grow your hair long.”

“Some people are into bondage, and some people are into cross-dressing, and some people are into Coldplay — I don’t mind being a fetish. I don’t mind not being cool. I’ve never been cool in my whole life. Being voted the world’s sexiest vegetarian is about as cool as it gets.”

“It’s very strange being the world’s sexiest vegetarian, because eight years ago, if I’d invite someone over to my place for a tofu burger, they wouldn’t be interested.”

On Michael Stipe - “I’ve lost all respect for fame, but I haven’t lost all respect for respect. So the one great thing about being famous is that I get to meet people who I respect. Our relationship is akin to a dog and its master. I’ll always look up to him.”

No Comments » Posted by drobbingdon / Doctrine

Again taking “inspiration” from Radiohead, Coldplay released their new single free on the internet on Tuesday. Violet Hill is the first track to be released from Viva La Vida, and the first fruit of their sessions produced by Brian Eno, mastermind of U2’s Joshua Tree.

Musically, they’ve turned up the guitar and stuck 30 seconds of ambience on the front to make it long enough to be a single. This now means they are OFFICIALLY EDGY AND EXPERIMENTAL and NOT COMMERCIAL ANYMORE.

The key to understanding this song is to remember Jesus’s words upon the cross (according to Matthew and Mark, at least) - My Father, my Father, why have you forsaken me? As he dies upon the cross, Jesus asks God why he is being allowed to suffer. Likewise, in Violet Hill, Chris asks God why He still allows suffering in the world.

Violet Hill

Was a long and dark December

The long night of the soul, the darkness that has come upon the modern world.

From the rooftops I remember

As ever, Chris is looking down from on high, surveying the world. (See Gravity, Daylight.)

There was snow
White snow

Even in England, snow is ALWAYS white. Chris knows this (his parents are teachers). ITS A METAPHOR!

Clearly i remember
From the windows they were watching
While we froze down below

When the future’s architectured
By a carnival of idiots on show
You’d better lie low

The powers-that-be, a circus of idiots who control the world, watch us through CCTV, the internet etc. We are hiding below, powerless to change anything, frozen.

Don’t think there’s such a word as “architectured”, however.

If you love me
Won’t you let me know?

The song is a plea from Chris to God, asking for a sign. In X&Y, he recieved his vision from God, but in the four years inbetween, nothing has changed. Poverty is not History, AIDS is still rife, and Noel Edmunds is STILL on TV.

Was a long and dark December

A reference to Chris’s fave painter, Thomas Kinkade.

When the banks became cathedrals
And the fog
Became God

In the previous Dark Age, the Catholic Church grew to be the greatest single power in the Medieval World. Many within the Vatican saw its primary purpose to be the raising of wealth, not the glory of God.

This is Chris’s second direct mention of God in his lyrics. The first, God Put a Smile Upon Your Face, shows a man who has just realised the spiritual power of the universe. Violet Hill suggests a far more jaded point of view. He must be fighting with his wife or something.

Priests clutched onto bibles
And went out to fit their rifles
And the cross was held aloft

Millions were killed during the crusades. The Vatican was silent on the Holocaust. Noel Edmunds is STILL on the TV.

Bury me in honor
When i’m dead and hit the ground
A love back home unfolds

No idea.

If you love me
Won’t you let me know?

I don’t want to be a soldier
With the captain of some sinking ship
With snow, far below

In this incredibly layered metaphor, Chris says he will think for himself, refusing to adopt the values of CORRUPT LEADERS like George Bush who are like the Captains of a failing civilisation, as long as the people remain emotionally frozen subconsciously. You don’t get shit like that from Keane, do you?

So if you love me
Why’d you let me go?

I took my love down to Violet Hill

Violet Hill is a metaphor for the perfect world Chris has glimpsed in his visions. He tries to show us (”his love”) this world, what Jesus would have called “The Kingdom of Heaven”.

There we sat in snow
All that time she was silent still

The world is not ready. EXCEPT FOR THE CHURCH OF CHRIS MARTIN!

So if you love me
Won’t you let me know?

If you love me,
Won’t you let me know?

No Comments » Posted by drobbingdon / Doctrine and interpretation and news