Are Coldplay Splitting Up?
Teh Interwebs is alight with the news that Chris Martin has hinted that Coldplay could split up by 2010. He said, “I’m 31 now and I don’t think bands should keep going past 33. So we’re trying to pack in as much as possible. Up until the end of next year, we’ll just go for it in every sense.”
For those of us whose SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING and ETERNAL LIFE IN THE HEREAFTER depends on this particular Indie quartet continuing to make records and spread the Gospel of Chris, this comes as somewhat of a shock. What is going on here?
DON’T PANIC! (lol!) It’s at times like these that you turn to the Church for guidance, and the CoCM is here for you.
COLDPLAY WON’T SPLIT UP - CHRIS IS ONCE AGAIN SENDING A MESSAGE TO THOSE WITH EARS TO HEAR.
Think about what he said for a moment - 33? Why 33?
WHO ELSE STOPPED PERFORMING AT 33?
33 is also the number of grades in Scottish Rite Freemasonry, a shadowy cabal who rule the world from behind the thrones. They can put a president in the White House, and they can kill a princess if they want to. Chris is once again coding HIDDEN INFORMATION in his lyrics, information that might see him silenced if it was more obvious.
WHO ELSE WAS SILENCED FOR SPEAKING THE TRUTH?
But that’s not all…
Mark King was 33 when he wrote Lessons in Love, Chris’s fave record. Gwyneth Paltrow was 33 when they married. Between them, U2 own 33 houses. 33 is George Bush’s IQ. The Beatles’ albums play at 33 & 1/3 RPM. There are 33 possible combinations of bases in the human genome. Draw a line from Roslin Chapel to the Louvre in Paris, and it is EXACTLY 33 long. If you add 10 and 23, it equals 33. MERE COINCIDENCE?
IN A NUN’S TWAT!
Chris be with you.
(With thanks to the Most Reverend Garlic Host)
November 20 2008 01:10 am | Doctrine and Interpretation and news
Nzina on 20 Nov 2008 at 6:23 pm #
To some, this may seem to be the sign of the apocalypse. But we know this is his sacrifice. For years Coldplay has been ridiculed as being a “gay” band. Even the movie “The 40-year old virgin” sent us that very message. But remember the title -virgin- we all know of a famous virgin, (no, not Tom Chaplin) The Madonna. Madonna is a famous music singer. Therefore God will once again take human form and he will be born into Music. Jesus faced ridicule all throughout his life. But he came back. We will all miss his music and his teachings, but Chris Martin, like jesus, will return and we shall bow to him, and finally the world will know the truth.
~For you, I’d wait ’til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you’ll come and set me free,
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me.~
Chris be with you.
Amen.
Szam on 20 Nov 2008 at 7:31 pm #
Think about it. Who ELSE faced ridicule for their music? Paris Hilton. We all know that Paris Hilton is the real Madonna. In fact, she is the Virgin Mary. She gave birth to Jesus without fornicating and then she gave birth to Chris Martin a few years later. Of course, that is where they get their talent from, and why everybody worships them. Tom Chaplin, on the other hand, is the son of Charlie Chaplin. He should have remained silent like his father, who is also the devil.. and Hitler.
Szam on 20 Nov 2008 at 7:36 pm #
And let’s not forget, Hitler did what he was best at: killing Jews, and a little art. I’ve never heard a song by him. Have YOU? Oh wait, yes I have. Just listen to any Keane track. Tom Chaplin is Hitler.
thrones | CNN.com on 28 Nov 2008 at 11:32 pm #
[…] Are Coldplay Splitting Up? … cabal who rule the world from behind the thrones. They can put a president in the White House, and they can kill a princess if they want to. Chris is once again coding HIDDEN INFORMATION in his lyrics, information that might see him silenced if it was more obvious. WHO ELSE WAS SILENCED FOR SPEAKING … […]
Cheilon on 19 Jan 2009 at 7:21 am #
You can’t split yet,come on global warming has not killed us yet and you should not stop inspiring fans with your songs music is not to download it is give good special memories (not to sound gay)we love ya.
Robert on 02 Feb 2009 at 7:27 pm #
You guys are crazy in the most negative way. You can’t compare Chris Martin to Jesus Christ. This is extremely disrespectfu
Robert on 02 Feb 2009 at 7:27 pm #
l to millions of people.
Amir on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:20 pm #
I,am in shock Coldplay is the best music I heard in my life
Amir on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:22 pm #
I live in yemen South Asia but I’am from Poland and
amir on 18 Feb 2009 at 5:27 pm #
I’am sixteen and this is TRAGEDY!
convert on 01 Mar 2009 at 10:45 pm #
When do we stop putting the facts together and start scrawling them in blood at murder scenes? I’m ready now. I think 33 would look good in blood on a refrigerator.
nads on 05 Mar 2009 at 3:55 pm #
this is awesome
:) 
The Real Chris Martin on 11 May 2009 at 1:07 am #
So if in fact we have all died and gone to Paradise and not WallMart (that’s only for people who were evil in this lifetime, where they are now cursed to wander the empty and now shopper-challenged ailes for the rest of eternity, looking in vain… for the “big deal that got away” in this life.), then…
How can you “own” a piece of Paradise, like all those silly real estate adds want you to believe?
They say that if you pay them all of your “hard earned money” (like the guy in the ING add on TV keeps chanting: please, GIVE ME, all your “hard burned honey”), you too can own a piece of Paradise. I guess they mean “while you are here on earth”. Am I not right? Am I not the voice of truth in this world and all others, before, now and yet to be?
My God did not send me to Planet B-Side to flip burgers and end up on the wrong end of an assault rifle, just because some guy lost his job, his wife is sleeping with his brother, his mother just killed herself and his dad is dying of cancer, and they have no insurance.. so why not just kill as many people as you can and that’s it. We are not here to work daily at creating hell on earth.
(Sorry, I’m kind of down and on edge today because we ran out of tea and my up ’til now controllable agoraphobia has stopped me from going to the grocer to stock up on Twaddles Nut Roast Flavoured Assam Tea, my favourite.) Carrying on now (must fufil my destiny)…
A Month ago in Th US, 54 people died in a three week period in just the above way (not by running out of tea etc…). I call it “System Suicide”. Like in India, many farmers who cannot grow enough food on the land they have (for whatever reason) they commit suicide. (and again, agoraphobia is not a descripitive term commonly used to apply to destitute and hopeless subsistance farmers in India or where ever who kill themselves becasue they have no fodd or some other such trivial personal problem… it is a serious medical condition which USED to PREVENT ME FROM GOING OU TO BUY TEA / without which I am useless / to myself and humanity).
It’s a sad state of affairs we are in now, because many people cannot even get a job to earn enough money to buy anything, let alone “buy a piece of Paradise” (which I have just proven by the polemic uncertainty principle, is a “non-sequitur escargot” if you will)
Furthermore, it is a crime against humanity, that someone such as myself should amass such a huge PERSONAL FORTUNE, while the rest of humanity must toil away for peasant wages, long into the night, only to end up dead the next morning.
It is not fair, and I will do everything in my power (which is considerable as you, my true believers, and the ArchPope know), to work towards creating a better, more fair and sharing world….
Where all have the opportunity to earn 42 million pounds by the age of 32.
And I will endeavor with sincerity to make this opportunity open to all regardless of race, creed, religious affiliation, political leaning, level of intelligence, or moral integrity.
The only exemptions to this new world shall be the Taliban, who are a strange tribe of religious visionaries who wander the far off country dubbed “River of Blood”. It is said (by those who have seen) that in this land aslo, roam the souls of tens of thousands of headless ghosts, forever asking their God why, what was it all about, this life which which just ended by the sword?
I gotta go now and talk with my accountant.
May the Chris be with you as you try to earn 42 million, you’ll need it believe me.
As Always I Am / The Light / The Truth / / The Hope / The Way / The Cash / The Real Chris Martin / I Guess / If It wWorks
Roekoe on 05 Aug 2009 at 6:33 pm #
So you make a nice speech about how people should not waist there lives on uninteresting things and make this world a better place. After that you start telling them they need a lot of money?
Maybe it’s me who’s missing someting …
drobbingdon on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:33 pm #
Yes, you are.
Jessie on 07 Aug 2009 at 8:18 am #
this is just stupid coldplay wont ever break up it is 1009 now and they still havent. so dont be talking!
taylor on 07 Aug 2009 at 8:21 am #
REALLY? THAT IS SO NOT CHRIS MARTIN HE IS SUCH A LIAR. THE REAL CHRIS MARTIN WOULD BE ABLE TO SPELL WALMART RIGHT.what a fake. why do people pose so much on the internet. it gets me mad. STUPID WANNABE POSERS
Spiritual Sister in the Spirit on 07 Aug 2009 at 3:35 pm #
Heretical Infidels and Dis-Believers:
We-Here at the Church of Chris Martin are capable of CHANNELING various Spirits and that is how one can be as ONE with the GREAT CM, but not actually BE HIM.
If you think that this is a bunch of posing and fakery-then get off our website and go run like a sissy over to the great FAKE of Hell and prattle on the threads with the stupid happy-faces at coldplaying.com!
Only Blessed, Pure, and Progressive Souls are invited to stay at this Church and I’m tellin ya right now: HIT THE ROAD-JACK (TAYLOR)
VIVA Church of Chris Martin! Hex on Critics, Maligners, Black Zombies of Death and coldplaying.com prostitutes of prostitution! Amen.
Don’t let THE REAL CHRIS MARTIN door smack you on the way out!