How I came to Found the Church

 

By Dean Drobbingdon, Archpope-in-Cheif

“It happened during a visit to my dentist, Rhodes & Damascus. As the gas kicked in and the drill began to whine, The Scientist began to play on the radio in the corner of the room. “Nobody said it was easy”, it said, and it was as though it was singing directly to me.

Then it happened. Chris appeared to me in a blaze of light, and said the cryptic words: “Burn them all.” I was shocked at the apparent anger in His words, and I asked what He meant. His head dissolved into an image of a Cathedral, filled with blazing candles. “Each one is a prayer for a starving child,” He said. “Burn them all.”

Then He told me that His aim was not chart hits, but nothing less than the emancipation of all humanity, especially starving children. And He sayeth unto me that I was the chosen one.

I realised that Coldplay’s songs are not just good - they are truly Holy. They are the rock group upon which The Church of Chris Martin is built. Chris is only one letter away from being Christ, after all.”

 

WHAT WE BELIEVE

 

That Chris Martin is the New Messiah

 

That intolerance is WRONG

 

Fair Trade seems like a good idea

 

That Keane are frankly derivative

 

 

 

WHAT WE ARE AGAINST

 

Rasism

 

Sexism

 

Starving Children

 

Fake-ness

 

Big Corporations

 

April 01 2008 07:09 pm | Church History

One Response to “How I came to Found the Church”

  1. Daniel on 03 Apr 2008 at 4:23 am #

    Aside from all this being complete heresy!..I have found this all very entertaining. None of this is truly Biblically supported, and is all quite blasphemous, but it’s given me a good laugh. Sir, I wouldn’t say you really saw Chris… I would have to say.. you were very high on the laughing gas and quite delusional. Christ (with a ‘t’) is the true Messiah, and there is no other. This is all very silly.. and quite wrong. Ha-ha!

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