What Would Chris Do?
Sometimes, we all just have one of those days. Everything’s going wrong, everyone you meet seems to want to act like a prick. It feels like the whole world’s out to get you.
When we get frustrated like this, it’s easy to loose your temper and lash out at those around us. But that just leads to unpopularity, self-loathing and criminal charges. If only there was a simple way to get your head straight and cool down…
WELL NOW THERE IS!
Simply close your eyes, take a deep breath, and repeat these words - What Would Chris Do?
Chris’s endless positivity means he always sees the bright side of any situation. He sees everything as a puzzle, so his creative mind comes up with practical solutions. And the fact that he’s a fully qualified prophesying Messiah doesn’t go amiss, neither!
Here’s how it might apply to everyday situations -
- Your girlfriend leaves you and runs off with your best friend, leaving you feeling hollow and wanting to punch their stupid faces until your fists are reduced to mince. What Would Chris Do?
- Have a hot bath with candles and drink a reasonable amount of wine.
- Listen to the greatest breakup album of all time, Running In The Family by Level 42
- Turn the experience into an album of bittersweet college-rock anthems.
- You are watching the Ten O’Clock News one evening, and you become terribly concerned because the situation in the Middle East is worse than ever! It seems as though War is immanent, and therefore the death of innocent children. What Would Chris Do?
- Donate the maximum tax-deductable amount to a reputable charity.
- Get Sting and Bono in to record “Do They Know it’s Ramadan?”
- Rename Islamabad “Islamagood”.
- You are coming out of a hotel, a little tired and emotional, and a paparazzo takes your photograph. What Would Chris Do?
- Hide under a puffa jacket with a large hood and sunglasses.
- Shout at the pap about “Respect”.
- Scratch his car with a key and chase him down the street.
Over to you - tell us how you’ve done something differently by asking, What Would Chris Do?
July 07 2008 01:34 pm | Doctrine
wow. on 08 Jul 2008 at 8:18 pm #
you people are really really weird.
Nettie on 17 Jul 2008 at 10:13 pm #
I’m so gonna use this next time I’m angry…
I have a WWWASD [What Would We Are Scientists Do?] wristband.
Getting into the Chris Martin mindset would be a tad easier…
Hannah on 22 Aug 2008 at 7:17 pm #
my friend is seriously obsessed with this guy…
she thinks about him all the time and wonders what shoe size he wears…does anyone know?
chrisfan on 22 Aug 2008 at 7:19 pm #
yup thats me i love chris
chrisfan on 22 Aug 2008 at 7:20 pm #
thanx hannah
CLAY on 22 Aug 2008 at 7:20 pm #
hes definetly not as hot as robert pattinson.
chrisfan on 22 Aug 2008 at 7:22 pm #
u liar chris is the best and hes way sexier then stupid rob….at least he can take DECENT pictures!!!
CLAY on 22 Aug 2008 at 7:23 pm #
suuuuuuuure
CMLOVER on 30 Aug 2008 at 9:51 am #
Hey… I love Chris too…I think about him ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!! And everytime I get bent, I just take a deep breath and ask myself, What would Chris do? and guess what? It works wonders!!!! Chris is the best…OMG, I love him so much!!!!!
chris_lover on 11 Oct 2008 at 7:00 pm #
hhahaha yeah, that’s chris xD
i can imagine him doing all that, haha
i love him (L)
Jimi Hendriux on 31 Dec 2008 at 9:04 am #
Few people know that when Einstein was stumped on the matter energy equation he would say to himself (heim self / in German) “what would Chris do”?
And a little voice inside Einstein would say,”Chris only knows how to do one thing and that’s play music.” Hmm Einstein thought, perhaps if he too could play music, then maybe the secret of creation would be revealed to him, as it was to Chris.
Such was not to be, although Chris did reveal to him (revealed by vision / while Einstein was playing the violin / in the form of “compressed quanta dream thought” so as to not startle Einstein with “vision overload”)the well known e=mc2 equation which if played backwards on an old record player, will produce multiple alternate future reality matrices, any of which the observer may step into from his (her / ?) location in the space time continuum, never to be heard from again.
May the Chris be with you.
Amy b on 16 Feb 2009 at 12:34 am #
Chris is the closest thing we have to God.
wwcd?
(what would chris do?)
Cheilon.... on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:14 am #
wow I it really works,when I feel like I want to blow the shit off of somebodies brainstem, I’ll do that instead ,thanx Chris ur a miracle worker!
Cheilon.... on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:20 am #
may the chris be with
???? on 01 Mar 2009 at 9:07 am #
??? ??? ??????? ???????? ????????? ?? ????. ???????? ?????? ??????????????.
Excuse me on 04 Mar 2009 at 7:03 am #
I am a Chrisfan,too.He is such a pure genius,but after seeing your website,I felt a bit nervous,I think you guys are going extreme and Chris would get angry after seeing your words,I think we can support Coldplay and Chris but we shouldn’t go crazy.There’s no angel or God in reality,but Chris is almost an angel,I think if you guys keep adoring Chris like this,there would be one day he corrupts and it would be you who ruins him.
Just hope that Chris can have an angel’s soul forever!!!
BrotheRob on 15 Jul 2009 at 5:55 am #
Wow, that was so cosmic Mr / Ms ExcsueME. I like this website because everyone is so level headed and we all believe that without Chris Martin alive on this earth it surely would tilt off it’s axis forever trying… to live in the past?
But that is not why I am here now, I hope. Oh no, I went out recently and came home with a Bose sound system. I’m a believer now as the Monkeys used to say, and Coldplay are also if my memory is right? I remember hearing a Monkies song at the show, not on the concer cd?
Anyway, I can now hear all the harmonies etc I never heard before, and am still of the opinion that Coldplay are the most sublime Art Pop / Indie group alive in the world today. Lot’s of other very close seconds though.
How do you you put them in a slot? You don’t, you try but they are way beyond definiton now, because They have entered The Beyond of their own Creativity. They gambled on themselves and won.
I am forever grateful to this band for inspiring me to develop my own talent.
So what are we then if not consciousness localised in human form? And as some humans in this world seem to epitomise the very definiton of HELL on earth as we all might come to believe oneday….
So to there are incarnations of consciousness in this wolrd that we are truly not deserved there of..
A few come to mind, but one star shines alone in the Pan Universal Firmament of Seventh Harmonic Human Incarnations… and that is the Sound Plasma entity known as “Coldplay”.
I used to be a Christian and belief is written on paper
I used to be a smoker and tobacco is just harmless
I used to believe in society and I used to believe in me…
But now I only believe in Chris Martin and the Divine Salvation Promised and Fortold by All Great Saints From Beyond the Seventh Harmonica.
But I digress. If music is the language of God, then Coldplay are his Trumpet of Mirrors. I have experienced a few decades of music shall we say and I assure you the Aliens are already left to Earth for to meet in person the enttiy they have heard from across the galaxies. If they leave now, they miss earth by only a few light years. (count yourself lucky to be incarnated on earth now)
So you see, we are not really much different from any other group of venal, selfish, frightened, calamatous prone, heartless and unlearnable, atypical human divinity you will find today on ANY STRET CORNER ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD TODAY, begging for a new tormorrow.
My point? Simply that there is but One God, and Chris Martin is His Prohhet So Hot. Right?
This world out there, the money changers and the zombies of doom who act like drnklen penguins on the edge of a world gone mad with no heart left?
Well I say to them, Thank God In Heavan for Artists like Coldplay who Put ALL THEIR HEART in All they do… just for YOU.
Sharing your self is the ultimate perfection of your craft / art. In daylight you were born and into the noonday sun shall you emerge. One again forever and a day.
They have come to destroy the age of pain on earth.
In this world they are the Voice of Creation. They are Consciousness made human made Human. they are everyhting beautiful and more.
Did Jesus cry on the Cross?
Would youever know if you were lost?
And you might be a beautiful woman in a really nice car, doesn’t mean you won…
See success is like suicide? Let us cry…..
And still we are one in Him, in Chris.
To be but a mere doormat in this world at any one of over ten million hotels spread around the globe, and to have had Chris Martin and Company wipe His / Their feet on your person, is to fullfil a destiny in this creation… beyond your wildest dreams.
chaperone on 27 Oct 2009 at 4:21 am #
I don’t get it! are you with Chris Martin or against him? This whole thing just seems a bit ironic!!
Lilith aka sinenomine on 08 Mar 2010 at 12:46 pm #
Yeah, to do and act like Chris Martin is the way to get happier and successful in life. Blessed be those who always listen to Coldplay Lyrics and apply them. Viva!
Lilith on 08 Mar 2010 at 12:52 pm #
as for me, I fuck Robert Pattinson, he’s not handsome at all. I do not like his countenance. I prefer the Most Holy and Happy Living Sweet Chris Martin. Really! Chris Martin is sweeter and nicer than the Robert Pattinson.
Jasmine on 08 Mar 2010 at 3:16 pm #
Me too Lilith! Robert Pattinson is nasty. don’t like his bushy eyebrows. He makes a good vampire cuz he’s freaky. then he gets mad when all the girl fans go crazy over him, get a clue, dude.
Chris Martin is sweet and nice to all the fans. Remember when he came outside at Exeter to tell all of us in line to try and stay warm and get some hot cocoa.
that is the proof right there. lilith-you are so smart, no wonder The Church made you High!
kim on 21 Mar 2010 at 7:41 am #
i absolutely adore chris! amazingly talented artist
"Clear Like Chris"..A Poem of Love on 21 Mar 2010 at 3:12 pm #
CLEAR LIKE CHRIS !
To protect your privates-be clear like Chris.
That way at a Coldplay concert, a pervert will miss.
If you think of Chris in a holy light-
he will make you pure and cool and not uptight.
Seek the blessings of Coldplay and rise as One:
I felt the divine resurrection and it was fun.
Let us strive to remain Clear like Chris’s heavenly blue eyes-
and the mantle of Coldplay rapture will soon arise.
When the creepy guy at the show tries to look up your skirt-
kick him in the nuts & push him in the dirt.
You are there to become holy & enjoy Coldplay songs-
any rotter tries to rave you- gets a foot up his dong!
CLEAR LIKE CHRIS !
Slutty Coldplay Fan on 21 Mar 2010 at 9:00 pm #
I have a poem also.
It is called, “Imma Slut but not a Whore.”
once I went to a coldplay show at a stadium in the rain-
then all of a sudden, I felt a very extreme pain.
a soccer hooligan heathen was all up on my behind-
I turned around & put my new boot in a place where the sun don’t shine!
Another concert, I found a pagan trying to grab a quick feel-
next thing that dirty scumbag knows-his junk is hurtin & that’s fa real!
when a nasty nitwit tries to get some of my sexy mojo-
I smack him right down cuz this dude was a certified bozo!
please Chris Martin-protect your female fans from being ravished-
or else your guy fans are gonna get all savaged!
..Sincerely… a Slut but Not a Whore…….
Chris Martin on 22 Mar 2010 at 5:46 am #
Hey everyone. Just wanted to stop by and tell you that you are doing a wonderful job on this website. I wish you all the best luck in your future exploitations.
In good cheer,
Chris
chicks.dig.coldpay on 22 Mar 2010 at 5:42 pm #
GREETINGS to the CHURCH of CHRIS MARTIN!
We have received spoken words from the GREAT & GLORIOUS ONE! This is our Day of YELLOW Rapture!
As you can see from the previous comment, Our Beloved approves of us! He thinks we are doing an outstanding job! Even in the absence of Father Drobbingdon, we elicit a Blessing of Abundant LOVE!
I took the initiative and went boldly on Coldplay.com recently. I asked for Chris guidance and then fearlessly typed a question to the Coldplay Oracle: “Dear Chris Martin-do you approve of the devotion and true spiritual worship shown to you by The Church of Chris Martin? Please reply.”
Church: no longer can the basement wankers and defilers of coldplaying.com come onto our hallowed website grounds & speak blasphemies that we embarrass and false worship this Angel of Mercy-Chris Martin. We have it from the mouth of the Prophet-himself-that he has found us amusing and wishes us well! Oh-Holy Day! Oh! Thanks to All Who Have Stood With Us Through the Dark Journey of our Souls! Today-we are AFFIRMED by the words of sanctification!
This is what the Church has longed to hear! Wherever Father Drobbingdon finds himself-I hope that he is AWARE of these tidings of joy and confirming affection from Our Devoted Fan-CHRIS MARTIN!
Please give thanks to all the Saints-Great Bono, Lyricist Mark & Heavenly Cobain, who have conspired to make this GREAT DAY Possible. Toil on..Church members with continued lyrical study, uncovering of Coldplay puzzles and the never-ending UPHOLDING of all Church virtues. May they never impede our spiritual development as we labor onward to become ONE WITH CHRIS! Viva forever! Amen.
Going Dark (for Chris) on 26 Mar 2010 at 6:16 pm #
EVERYBODY:
Chris Martin & Coldplay want us to turn off the lights!
They said to “GO DARK” in order to help save the earth on Saturday, March 27 at 8:30 p.m.
Just as the “Meat-Free Monday” campaign caused havoc with the C:O:C: Girls work schedule-this “environmental obligation” will be taken seriously as well. All Church members are hereby advised to “be friendly” with those who hail from the great continent of Africa and thereabouts.
It is the admonishment of our Soul Master that-for the good of the Earth-you must “go dark” for 1 hour and this will prove the Church of Chris Martin is “socially conscious” as well.
Have your candles, condoms (Xtra-large) and mosquito nets ready for an authentic jungle experience…in the dark!