Archive for July, 2009
Tribute bands Noasis and Coldplace have decided to follow in the footsteps of their idols by feuding over who will steal the show at Southport’s Jedi Festival today, according to the Crosby Herald.
Shane Crofts aka Chris Martin said, “We don’t like to blow our own trumpet, but we have played all over the world. We’ve played with Bob Geldof in Malta and in the Dominican Republic.”
James Cropley aka Noel Gallagher hit back saying, “We will blow them out of the water. We don’t know who is headlining yet but put it this way; I wouldn’t envy anyone that’s on after us.”
Shane Crofts aka Chris Martin retorted, “We’ve had to share a dressingroom with them before, and we didn’t envy having to go into the toilet, that much is true. There is a football cage at the festival,” he added, “So maybe we can decide it there.” We at the CoCM have no idea what that might mean.
But the fact remains, while ![]()
Coldplace began as Noasis’ support act, they backed the winning horse in the long race. While Coldplay have become one of the world’s biggest acts, the Gallagher brothers’ have been reduced to touring on the back of ever-decreasing sales, cashing in on former glories and seeming ever more disenchanted by the whole process, what with Liam’s absenteeism and Noel’s increasingly imminent solo career. Indeed, it would not be inaccurate to say that today’s Oasis is little more than a tribute band, as few of the musicians appearing under the moniker presently actually appeared on their classic albums.
The situation has escalated since then, however, with festival participants Keen and Radiohead tribute Faux K Computer leaping to Coldplace’s defence, insisting that they should headline. Opening act Blair were unavailable for comment, due to trying to find a Graham Coxon lookalike with only a few days notice. Luckily, the festival organisers have banned seafood, so there won’t be a repeat of the T in the Park debaclé.
July 26 2009 | news | 2 Comments »
How awesome can awesome be? You know how it is on the perfect date, when you meet someone and you JUST CLICK and feel totally comfortable with that person? Or you make some spaghetti sauce and it comes out the perfect consistency - not too watery & not too thick and goopy? Some mornings you might get up and feel in your heart & soul that all is well with the world - you see the birds chirping and the coffeepot is on… and you just had the greatest sex in the world ! Well, that’s how it was to go to a Coldplay concert here in California this past week - LIKE A HOT DATE, PERFECT PASTA SAUCE, & GREAT EARLY MORNING SEX, all wrapped up into one!
The 19,000 seat amphitheater was SOLD OUT! Traffic alerts were sent to prevent automotive quagmires! The night was warm & tropical - balmy baby-making weather! All different types of fans-both young and old were in the house. Lots of different nationalities-people from all over the world, but especially from right over the near-by border-Tijuana.
It was truly the World Music Gathering ! Soon the opening band, Kitty Daisy & Lewis, came on playing some funky hillbilly music, then a wonderful West African band by the name of Amadou & Mariam-which featured bongo drums and all kinds of percussion plus 2 female dancers that were doing the wild and crazy watusi!
Soon enough Coldplay started to set-up and a palpable (good) tension dosed the air with intrigue and the upcoming promise of Chris Martin et al. Yellow Stars were up in the sky, twinkling brightly… Kurt Cobain - are you up there anywhere? Can you see & hear this? Soon enough a black mesh curtain drops down… flashlights on the stage show the Brit boys to their proper places…. oh! The anticipation is building to a musical orgasm that is FINALLY ready to climax… they are here, IN PERSON!
They launch into the strains of “Life in Technicolor” and we are off to the races. Next is “Violet Hill”… I was too much in rapture to keep a full setlist but I know they played just about, if not all of the”Viva la Vida” album, plus older hits such as “Fix You,” “Yellow,” “Clocks,” “In My Place,” and a very good rendition - in honor of fallen Saint-to-be Michael Jackson - “Billie Jean.”
Chris was VERY POLITE to the crowd and kept thanking us for coming out. He is such the very nice fellow and kept saying “This is a good show,” which I take to mean the band felt the crowd energy was receptive and welcoming plus we were singing along, clapping, dancing and just eating up the band! Then towards the end the whole bunch of them take off running to a small stage set up in the hinterlands of the upper reaches in the cheap seat area! Here they come - I am ready and strain to reach Will (who right up close is heavier-set than I imagined). Chris is right there - sweating profusely - and I gaze into his heavenly face, which up close is surprising lined and wrinkled! He seemed too intent on racing up to that platform, so I shouted “Viva Church of Chris Martin,” and tried my mightiest to mind-channel him with this admonition: “CHRIS MARTIN - YOU MUST PROCLAIM THE FEMALE MESSIAH ON YOUR NEXT CONCEPT ALBUM!” But it was diffcult to concentrate since he went by so fast and I was striving to ooze sex appeal in my low-cut, seafoam green maxi-dress so that Chris might consider me as a bosomy groupie to dally with after the show.
They ended the show with the crowd going crazy and they took their final bows but came back out almost immediately to finish off with the encore, “The Scientist.” Then as my friend and I beat a hasty retreat to escape the traffic nightmare, you could hear the Great One speaking–rather sermonizing to the crowd about African Music, Oxfam, perhaps-even meat-free Mondays. A greater time I have to think hard about having at any other recent show (Incubus excepted) so I must say to all Church members: Coldplay & Chris are every bit as WONDERFUL, PERSONABLE, TALENTED, NICE, & PERFECT as you would be led to believe!!
(I was told by my daughter - who parked her Lexus in the VIP lot - that as she was leaving, she saw the band run out from the venue and pile into 2 black-tinted window vans and haul off away from the show-still in their “stage outfits,” which means they were at a hotel somewhere close-by! But they had 2 police escorts so following them was probably out-of-the-question.)
They spare no expense on putting together a first-class show with perfect visuals: MTV-type video screens that show all the stage action, excellent sound mix, fancy details like red and green strobe lights, Yellow balloons, rotating globes on stage, and - of course - the wonderful blasting of the multi-colored butterflies when “Lovers In Japan” is played. In fact, I positioned myself directly behind the machine that spits those babies out and they fell all over me, strobe lit - what a Coldplay turn-on!
Do what myself and (TRCM) Brother Rob out of Vancouver, Canada do - stretch your over-worked credit card to the limits of a bankruptcy filing and get to as many of these Coldplay shows as possible. Chris warned us at the end that they won’t be back for several years! Maybe he is to accompany Father Drobbingdon into the bunker to save himself from the impending chaos and be around to lead what’s left of the world to the 2nd coming of the Female Messiah he is almost ready to proclaim?
All Hail the Greatest: Chris Martin. To reside in the same space and time and air with him, even for 2 hours at a packed concert venue is to partake of the most magnamonious and creative love-mind of our time and age. I feel blessed, cleansed, and perhaps a little bit better person overall for that time I spent at the Coldplay concert. God Bless Coldplay and Chris Martin in infinitum! VIVA COLDPLAY!
July 23 2009 | news and reviews | 3 Comments »
The World today is in turmoil — fraught with danger, intrigue, deaths of celebrities-from A to D-list, and the continuing menace of coldplaying,com. Must we wake each morning to more bad economic news, saber-rattling from North Korea’s Dr. Demento, and another minor league musician claiming “Viva La Vida” was ripped off from them? Is there hope for our planet? Must life always be a constant struggle against chaos? Can we turn to our heroes for the hope we need to struggle through another day? Does Miley Cyrus really think Chris Martin is hot, despite her own mother’s admonitions?
Yes. We must gird our loins to toil for less… unless we make ministrations to a Holy Trinity that can intercede for us on our behalf and guide the way to greater truths and understanding. There are three parts to any trinity: the Christian doctrine of Trinity teaches the unity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as three persons in one Godhead. This doctrine states that God is a Triune God-existing as 3 persons but being one. Trinitarianism also exists in Oriental and Eastern Orthodoxy, Roman Catholic, mainsteam Angelicanism, Methodism, Lutheranism, and Presbyterianism religious traditions. The Oxford dictionary describes the Trinity as the “central dogma of Christian theology.”
Even the “Great Commission” of the Bible teaches “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 28: 19) So there should be no doubt regarding the necessity of this Blessed Threesome and how the components work together as one to form a more perfect union.
Normally the Congregation of the Causes of Saints at the Vatican in Rome will vote to canonize a certain Saint after a verification of 2 medical miracles has been made. Sometimes it can take decades of investigation and work to look into entrance to the pantheon of saints for a particular blessed soul. Searching for a relic to present to the Pope at sanctification is necessary in that a relic is needed as proof that the person existed. A relic can be something touched by a saint, worn by a saint, or even an actual body part of the saint.
I present this information as a metamorphisis into a plea that The Church of Chris Martin begin the processing of a third Blessed Saint to complete the trimurti needed to intercede on the Church’s behalf - both in earthly and heavenly time dimensions.
Yes - we first inculcated Bono out of U2 into Sainthood, only to have him become “the mouth that roared” insults such as “wanker” and “cretin” at our beloved Soul Master, Chris Martin, thus proving Saints aren’t perfect, but Bono, despite his over-sized ego, is close to it and we’ll take him as the Church’s first official Saint - if not for his AIDS work in Africa alone - I would categorize Bono as the Church’s PRIMARY SAINT.
A LESSER SAINT (and one picked personally by the Arch Pope Drobbingdon) would be Saint Mark King out of Level 42. Now this selection mystifies me, but I have it on good authority that Saint Mark King’s melodies are admired and his fixation on the number 42 is also shared by Chris Martin - which seems to indicate qualification for Lesser Sainthood.
Finally, as the True Widow and a noble Woman of good character, it is I who personally appeal to the decent proclivities of the Church to elevate Holy Assistant Kurt Cobain out of Nirvana into the 3rd element of the pantheon and bring him the spiritual and metaphysical prominence he deserved while on the earthly plane but never quite received. Despite the nay-sayers and the Mormom infidels from Las Vegas who blasphemize Kurt Cobain, he was a good and decent man. Any inproprieties he exhibited while alive in spirit can be mosty attributed to his harridan wife who tricked him into marriage and a nasty drug habit that began in the rainy, depressing suicide city of Seattle. Rest assured, Holy Assistant Kurt Cobain made it into heaven and rests at the hand of the Holy See. Assistant Kurt is ready, willing, and able to assist the Church of Chris Martin, as needed, with just a prayer to beseech him to intercede on our behalves.
Members of this Great Church, hear me please! Cast your vote for sainthood for this fine man and the last puzzle piece needed to complete our trifecta of goodness! When all saints are in place and ready to go, we will finally be spiritually equipped to take on the scourge of coldplaying.com and triumph in power and glory over them. We need the three to attain enough devout goodness in prayer and in thought to overcome the Satans that exist in both earthly thought realms and the great beyond. Until then, I - the True Widow - can only pray and plead for your attention and obligation to the Church that will compel you to take the time and vote. There are plenty of both dead and alive Saints that can be called up next for a vote and of course the first that comes to mind would be dearly departed Michael Jackson.
That would give us some saint diversity in elevating a (somewhat) black man into the realm. I would also put forward a few women for political correctness: Saint Holy Gwyneth Paltrow, Saint Blessed Beyonce, Saint Cougar Madonna, and a personal favorite of the widow - Saint Brandon Boyd out of Incubus. Please pray for guidance on these issues and know that it is I who pleads for your attention to this very important matter: complete the trifecta of the pantheon of Saints and show the devotion and love due to a great man - the late Grunge God out of Nirvana, the dearly beloved Kurt Cobain. Thank you.
July 18 2009 | Church History and Doctrine | 1 Comment »
Last in the series. Thanks to everyone who contributed to the forums and to those who post in the comments now. This wouldn’t be a Church without you. It would be a fat bearded man in a cellar, talking to himself.
Christiaan
Fun.. but don’t go too far
Oke guys.
I’m like a huge fan of coldplay and stuff.
And i see the fun side of your website.
But don’t take it too far.
Chill out and get a life.
Go out and love.
Have a nice day!
Garlic Host
Re: Fun.. but don’t go too far
You don’t get it. It’s deadly serious. In a way…
Decipher the codes!
“and I’m not gonna stand and wait
not gonna leave it until it’s much too late
oh on a platform i’m gonna stand and sing
that I’m nothing on my own
and I love you please come home
my song is love, is love unknown
and I’ve got to get that message home”
- A Message by Chris Martin
Heirophant
Re: Fun.. but don’t go too far
Yeah, Garlic - just think of all the lyrics where Chris talks about puzzles and codes to be solved -
“the sign that I couldn’t read
or the light that I couldn’t see
some things you have to believe
but others are puzzles, puzzling me” (Speed of Sound)
“Do you feel like a puzzle, you can’t find your missing piece?” (Talk)
“Under the surface trying to break through
Deciphering the codes in you
I need a compass, draw me a map” (Square One)
…and the puzzle code on the cover of x&y.
So what is the answer? THE CHURCH OF CHRIS MARTIN!
Garlic Host
Re: Fun.. but don’t go too far
And it’s not like the puzzles are that hard.
Even the bible has its Song of Songs that clearly combine eartly and divine love, or at least this is how it’s interpreted by most.
Now check again CM’s lyrics. Many claim he’s singing simple lovesongs to his girlfriend, wife or kids but it really doesn’t make sense that way:
“oh on a platform i’m gonna stand and sing”
Chris says he’s on stage because of…
“that I’m nothing on my own”
to tell he cannot live without his wife?? C’mon!
“and I love you please come home”
that he misses her?? But then check this:
“my song is love, is love unknown”
love ‘unknown’?? A secret lover? This makes no sense if he’s singing to his wife or anyone people know. It’s a ‘hidden’ love, an ‘occult’ one.
“and I’ve got to get that message home”
This last bit has so many possible meanings that I cannot start listing them here.
Bono has many lyrics like this, mixing love poetry with biblical passages and mystical or religious state of minds.(’she moves in mysterious ways’, ‘who’se gonna ride your wild horses’). And surprise surprise U2 is Coldplays ‘great example’.
Garlic Host
Re: Fun.. but don’t go too far
Forgot to mention.
First the phrase: “please come home”
then: “get that message home”.
So who is at home now and who is away? Again this is classic gnostic thinking, the wandering ‘lost sheep’, which is in itself ‘message’ (DNA) or also called Sophia in certain traditions.
Heirophant
Re: Fun.. but don’t go too far
Another great post, Garlic
Whenever CM sings about home (a.k.a. Clocks) he means his spiitual home, the Kingdom Of Heaven. He struggles to return to that state of being himself (”How long do I have to climb/Upon the side of this mountain of mine?”) and to lead us all there with him. Therefore, he is more of a Bohdisatva than a Jesus figure, who lets face it, just buggered off after the ressurection.
Love Unknown - he is referring to the love between Jesus and the Magdalene, which is unknown in the canonical Gospels, but is writ large in the Gnostic Gospels, such as the Gospel of Judas, or the Gospel of Mary, mentioned in Da Vincis Code.
~H
—————————————-
“I wanna live in a wooden house”
Petra & SALTS
Re: Fun.. but don’t go too far
Garlic and Heiro, yep, bullseye.
“Whenever CM sings about home (a.k.a. Clocks) he means his spiitual home, the Kingdom Of Heaven.”
to this I say:
“Oh take me back to the STAR.”
(if you listen carefully to The Scientist there is no “T” sound at the end when he supposively says “take me back to the start”, more accurately he is saying “take me back to the STAR” …look at the stars, look how they shine for you, etc. Star being the source, the morning star, infinite love/consciousness, etc, etc, etc…This I think is why coldplay have never published any official lyrics, then it would be too obvious.
Garlic Host
Re: Fun.. but don’t go too far
Garlic wrote about Coldplay’s song Message:
“my song is love, is love unknown
Love to the loveless shown
And it goes on
You don’t have to be alone
love ‘unknown’?? A secret lover? This makes no sense if he’s singing to his wife or anyone people know. It’s a ‘hidden’ love, an ‘occult’ one.”
Some evidence of CM’s inspiration one can find in the source of this bit of lyric, which I didn’t realize before. It’s taken from Samuel Crossman’s hymn from 1664:”My song is love unknown, My Savior’s love to me, Love to the loveless shown”.
So Chris leaves out the “My Savior’s love to me” and quotes this Christian hymn. Now Coldplay is not known to be a Christian band, so what drives CM to put all these things in the lyrics? A closet Christian? Or someone who went deeper to the core of Christianity, like the Gnostics, someone who entered the light himself and was “send back” to us to tell about it mixing new and old words?
July 06 2009 | Church History | 5 Comments »
