Bulletins from the Bunker, #3
Brethren and Sistren, be strong. Michael is gone, but soon he will join the Chapel of Dead Rock Stars, where, all being right in the world, Lennon will give him a good telling off. Do not allow this to upset the mission of the C:O:C at Glastonbury this weekend - the fans need love more than ever. Give them a Thriller, Thriller night. I’m looking at the man in the mirror - but it’s too late to make the change now.
Chris be with you.
June 26 2009 12:26 am | news and site news
Head C O C: Jasmine Flower on 26 Jun 2009 at 7:07 am #
A fond and luxuriant Greeting to All C O C- E R S !
It is with a heavy heart that the girls address the Church today on the Eve of our publicity stunt, I mean meaningful artistic endeavor..soon to take place at the Blessed Pilgrim Site of Glastonbury. As a talented singer, dancer and Pop King, Michael Jackson’s passing has hit the girls hard and we appreciate the kind note that Arch Pope Drobbingdon today dropped from the Bunker #3.
However, rest assured-the C O C girls are “professionals,” and the “show must go on!”
The sultry dance that we will unveil at the Yellow Tent Event will incorporate the “talents” of all the girls, and in the spirit of dance pioneer kindred spirit: Isadora Duncan-we will debut an improvisational interpretation of the Holy Grail romances and their supposed link to the Merovingian blood dynasty of Jesus Christ. A dynasty whose holy blood lives on to this day and will resurrect itself as a redeeming figure of deliverance. Our Glastonbury ritual will be entitled: “Maidens.”
“The Grail family calls certain individuals into its service from the outside world-individuals who must be initiated into some sort of mysterious realm. At the same time it sends out trained servitors out into the world to perform actions on its behalf-and sometimes to occupy a throne or marry a king. For the Grail, apparently possesses the power to create kings and queens.” (The girls will dance an erotic, intriguing display of being drawn into and entranced by a mysterious, dark world of secrets and eventually gaining the favor of a handsome Grail king.)
“Maidens are appointed to care for the Grail..this is God’s decree.” (the maidens dance lustily around the ornate Grail cup, lovingly cleaning it with ripe kisses and sensuous massage.) The Grail will only select noble company-just the devout and good-are chosen to guard and care for it. An unearthly dance carousel both gives and receives acknowledgement that the Hand of God’s blessing helps the maidens in their mighty medieval quest as Grail guardians of sanctity. (The girls will dance as virgin Nuns in full regalia of faith vestments-only to rip them off and reveal stunning black fur bikini’s and a nunnery habit bedecked with glitter.) This is a valid statement specifically by the C O C girls, that it is not just the high & mighty Church glitterai who can interprete doctrine and channel prophecies about the female messiah. These working girls-as faithful sanctified blessed vessels of love-also are capable of adaptive capabilites of discerning truths from the lyrics and musical intonations of Coldplay music.
Finally, in a resounding denunciation of the evil Satanists-coldplaying.com..one C O C girl will rise up dressed in the devil’s horns and scanty red bustier and dance around a laptop with coldplaying.com on it’s display screen. She will use her red whip and thigh-high leather boots to stomp on this laptop and smash it to smithereens. The other girls then join her and they all fall atop this broken laptop–smothering the vanquished coldplaying.com with the righteous love and sex appeal of the Church of Chris Martin. Chris’s blessed vissage rises up in a final triumph of good over evil. This “Maiden” dance will hopefully lure many new converts to the Church website and coffers.
The girls also make out by securing new potential visitors to their dance halls and escort services. The C O C girls pray for guidance and creative inspiration in this endeavor and bow down before the Great Holy Assistant Cobain with a promise that we will strive as best we can to keep it clean and proper. God Bless Holy Arch Pope in his bunker-and a big kiss and hug to all that come out to greet the lovely ladies at Glastonbury. Hallelulah and VIVA !
The Real Chris Martin on 27 Jun 2009 at 4:09 am #
The Early Demise of Michael Jackson as Metaphor of Man’s Immanent Apocalyptic Self Induced Demise? Or Not?
It’s sad that he did end up dying from too many pharmaceuticals. But with a doctor called Bubbles, no wonder they fucked up.
Neck pain? Acupressure, pot, herbal teas, heroin? And so one might rightly wonder, how far down the line is humanity now on the Armageddon expres? Are we so junked up on illusion that left is now right and right is well, left / right? Left?
What happens if all the experts do what they think will get things right again, and still the Hindenburg crashes? Is a state Kansas (just think like Dorthy) a realistic goal for humankind?
If mankind is famous for one thing, it is our arrogance, as if experiencing every single moment for the very first time (and not really having a clue as to how it all came to be / is) somehow makes us experts. We make predictions about this and that and proudly say that one day we too will walk on water, by the God of Technology we will.
And this hard-line Moronatollah in Iran wants those responsible for violence treated with no mercy? great, let’s have this morons head on a silver plate if you get my drift.
The official Iranian news org. said that Zeda was shot by another protester… to make the Ayatollah look bad. Such is the logic of The God of Iran.
Such is the logic of a human construction.
This fog of concepts and ideologies in the world now is like the barbiturate cocktail floating in the mind (former mind) of Michael J.
Fortunately you folk only have to attend one of my concerts and you are all freed from your past karmic bonds in this plane of consciousness (and all others), thus freeing you up to devote your life to saving the planet through creating and spreading really good music. (by tickets / send money)
Well, i must go now, those two Vancouver shows were beyond the Great Beyond, but more on that later.
And May the Chris be with with you as the thunder of Prospekt’s March approaches the sleeping masses.
As Always / Looking Forever 32 / Even After Touring Forty Countries / How Does I do It? / Me & Popeye / We Don’t Do / Skin And Bones / The Real Chris Martin
Megan Foxy Brown (C O C Artiste) on 29 Jun 2009 at 2:57 am #
On this last and final day of Glastonbury, it pleases me to announce that The Yellow Tent Event was a rousing success! It attracted a large component of gawkers, lookie-loo’s, assorted interested spectators and a few perverts as well. Of course from all we solicited Euro’s, Dollars, Peso’s and sold plenty of inexpensive memorabalia and curio collectibles. The Holy Pilgrims 3 were a big hit with the evangelical crowd and may have a book deal and movie about their Glastonbury Pilgrimage Escapades in the works.
The True Widow was keen to avoid the Swine Flu so she limited her appearances but managed to publicize the website and Cobain canonization voting. The coldplaying.com cheap toilet paper sold out immediately and is on target to become a collectible-either clean or dirty. The dartboard featuring the likenesses of the ScumLords of Hell: Joe Satriani, Twat Stevens, Kim Jong, and of course-nemesis: coldplaying.com was a big hit and raised the most money of any event. We are happy to proclaim to Arch Pope the Tent publicity stunt was an overwhelming success and will be edited for a R-rated video shortly.
As we were in the process of folding up, the group was surprised by the arrival of a tour bus bearing one of our Church friends: Sir Paul of McCartney. He insisted on a dance from the C O C Girls and they were more than happy to oblige. In honor of our newest Church friend: Barrister Brandon Boyd..out of Incubus, the more amply-endowed girls launched into an emotive rendering of “Aqueous Transmission–”…”floating down a river of emotion,” which somehow morphed into the amazing finale to the weekend: the Skinny Dip Rain dance. Sir Paul was very grateful for the performance and tipped generously. The C O C Girls would like to dedicate their encore: Incubus’s “Wish You Were Here,” to Arch Pope Drobbingdon-who, while not physically present-was a fixture at Glastonbury in every Church member’s heart!
The C O C Girls wish to thank all their fans and friends and unfortunately will be out of commission tomorrow for the “Meat Free Monday” commanded by our Master as necessary for the good of the planet. But come Tuesday, the girls are available for further consultations. Praise be to all in Aqueous Transmission We Do Trust! Amen and Gloria in Hallelujah !
Ginger Twist (C O C interpretive artiste) on 07 Jul 2009 at 2:39 pm #
It is with a heavy heart and a deftly-enhanced heaving breast that the C: O: C: girls share with the world the sad occasion of Michael Jackson’s funeral that is to take place today in Los Angeles.
Though Jacko seemed more entranced with monkeys and teen-aged boys that real live women, he was an “artiste,” as we girls fancy ourselves too. He could break out those dance moves like no other. That black brother surely had soul!
In a tribute we hope will be meaningful, the Chicks of Chris (C O C ) will be performing a public display dance and interpretive jazz-exercise motif in the public square in Derby London tube exit promptly at high noon. This will all be in good taste (yes-I know Holy Cobain!) and fully clothed, so our more unwholesome fans may wish to skip this one. But we are here to say “good-bye” to Michael Jackson so the dance group will facilitate artistry to “Thriller,” “Bad,” and “Smooth Criminal.”
We hope all out Glastonbury and Stone Henge clients, I mean…patrons, no, make that FANS, will come out to help us say good-bye to the King of Pop. And the C: O: C: girls wish lots of that for him up beyond the pearly gates…we mean love, peace, and resting-in-piece! Black leather cod-piece, that is. Holy Amen and Dance, Dance, Dance for France and no underpants! Bye Jacko!
Michael Jackson Honorarium & Lament on 14 Jul 2009 at 2:35 pm #
It is obvious that Arch Pope Drobbingdon and the lovely and talented C O C girls are beside themselves with grief over the passing of Michael Jackson. The Church values and honors any living creative creature of God, and yes-Michael Jackson was just such a “creature.” While the world awaits the coming glorified artistic au naturale interpretation of the C O C girls salute to Jacko, we will avail ourselves of the musical ministry he called forth as such-
Our Lament:
“Who’s Loving You?” -”2, 4, 6, 8?” “I’ll Bet You,”-
“I’ll Be There,” “Oh, How Happy,”- “Never Can Say Goodbye.” “My Little Baby” -”Honey Chile”-”Shake Your Body.”
“I Wanna Be Where You Are”- “Ben.” ..in “Morning Glow”- “With a Child’s Heart.”
“Lady Sings the Blues”- “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough” -”Working Day & Night,”
“Girlfriend?”- “She’s Out of My Life.”
“Wanna Be Starting Something?” - “Beat It.”
“Thriller” - in “Black or White?”
“The Way You Make Me Feel” -”Man in the Mirror.”
“Billie Jean” - “I Can’t Stop Loving You.”
“Remember the Time?” - “Dirty Diana,”- “Come Together (Beatles cover)”
“Scream” - “They Don’t Really Care About Us.”
“You Are Not Alone,” - “Ghosts.”
Michael: YOU “Rock My World.”