CHRIS MARTIN…pitted me!
Who knew Chris Martin was a BIG Bruce Springsteen fan? I didn’t-until the other evening! That was when I glanced over to my right and beheld the most beautiful sight under the evening sky - CHRIS MARTIN - in the flesh! And right next to me too!
Springsteen and the E Street Band are charging through the final dates of their U.S. spring tour in support of their latest CD, and I was there at Giant’s Stadium in New Jersey to see it! Where Jimmy Hoffa is supposedly buried in the concrete! Right next to his yoga buddy Ed Burns, the actor and director. But the lure of Bruce melted away when I realized just who I was bumping up against to in the “pit”!
Thank Saint Bono that Holy Chris left GOOP Gwyneth behind with the kids. Seems like Chris wasn’t paying much attention to anything else other than Springsteen’s band, so I had to try and break the ice and lure him into a innocuous conversation. But Chris wasn’t having any of it - he was just into the music, singing along, dancing, and basically acting like any other fan! Here was one of the biggest rock stars in the world, responsible for his own immensely profitable world tour and top-selling “Viva La Vida”, acting like any other Bruce-loving yokel!
Then it dawned on me! This is why Chris Martin is SO GREAT & BELOVED! He is “Everyman”; no better or different than anyone else around him. Yes, he is married to that frosty blonde Gwyneth, but even He makes her seems less icy and inapproachable! Everything he touches is blessed and made more holy, yet he remains humble and meek, able to turn the other check when verbally abused by Oasis’s evil brothers’ foul mouths! Able to take the brutal jealous battering from Saint Bono (before U2 lent Coldplay the 360 tour jet). Chris simply chalks it up to Bono having a “bad day.”
Is there nothing that is not to like about this great man? Does he have any faults or failings that can be brought to the light? I think not! I went bumping against Him in the “pit”, thinking I might stir up a little hotness between us, but he just smiled and kept dancing. I offered to buy him a beer but he said he only drank water. I half expected a halo to come up over his head, he was such a gentleman! Not one skanky girl was able to catch his eye, but he was friendly to one and all!
Now I can see why The Church of Chris Martin is NOT a false Church and NOT a worshipper of a “false prophet.” This man is the Real Deal, and it took my closeness to him in the “pit” to realize that great truth. The evening seemed to whiz by in a glow of marvelous closeness to the Master, and when it was over, and I had succeeded in bumping into him repeatedly, I found the courage to ask for one last word of enlightenment from Him!
Chris Martin uttered the most mind-blowing and heavy words of wisdom that proved he cared beyond that which is normal and worldly - he said: “Watch that vomit!” Yes - some over-imbider had left a souvenir for the fans to step over and Chris Martin knew it! He Blessed us to know that if we weren’t careful exiting the concert venue, we too might fall prey to that desecration of the ground He walked on!
Church - KNOW THE TRUTH: This Man that can blend in so well with mortal men and women at a Bruce concert and appear just like the boy next door is GREAT and GLORIOUS! I have been converted to a believer by my “PIT” with Chris Martin!
October 16 2009 09:24 am | news
Sainted Sister Serafina on 17 Oct 2009 at 4:33 pm #
Dearest BrotherRob:
Where arts thou? Has DrugWars Vancouver overtaken you?
Are you curled up in some opium den in GasTown hittin the pipe? Did one of those roving whores gives you the itchy rash and put you to bed but not for some fun?
Did re-engendered Cobain/Gibby get you huffin the spray paint fumes until your glorious mind turned to gel?
There is much to celebrate at the Church & we miss your presence! Father & Mother Drobbingdon are talking a Divorce Edict and Writ of Bifurcation.
Holy Assistant Cobain has been proclaimed a Saint in the House of Chris & we will soon hold a 3rd SAINT party-where harridan Courtney of Hole will be banned!
The True Widow has managed to stay out of jail-whence her testing of “C:O:C: protection claims”
was completed and documented. The C:O:C: Girls are “reading scripts,” (at least the girls that can actually read are) & considering a number of “starring roles” in adult films to further our Blessed Church goals and gain valuable publicity.
Our Google hits continue to soar and we climb the ranks daily on internet popularity of sites. The Holy Glastonbury 3 Pilgrims were given a “sex intervention” and Father Drobbingdon insisted they go flaunt their erections in a “sex addiction programe.” Hopefully-they will be released soon enough to go look for more sex at the Saint Cobain initiation & Holy Spectre party.
Finally Dear BrotherRob: coldplaying.com is on the run! We have Church members who monitor the group on Twitter and constantly send Church replies to their moronic Twitts and inane postings on that site. We always follow the IP address back when these coldplaying.com imbeciles manage to leave a semi-coherent muttering on the Church of Chris Martin website. One IT Tech guy told me that many coldplaying.com postings are traced back to state prisons, mental health facilities, Priest-Pedophile Lockdown facilities and whore houses-thus indemnifying all that Father Drobbingdon has claimed all along- We MUST Holy War coldplaying.com because that group is EVIL personified!
Please BrotherRob-rouse yourself from that toothless hooker’s embrace or lay that big bong pipe down. Come back to the embrace and fold of your Church and post yet another incomprehensible ramble on ..perhaps Balloon Boy or how Bernie Madoff kicks ass in jail-we need your words of rectitude and interpretation..God (& Chris) Bless You in infamy..I mean infinity!
Wink'n Linclon / AKAOKAYROB on 18 Oct 2009 at 5:13 am #
Dear Sister Sainted Serafina,
And now that I have read the above, that is what so got me (every time) about these last shows here is that Chris Martin Coldplay are always “ON”. You never hear: Coldplay shows cancelled, Chris Martin unable to deal with daily life, bandmates distraught and not eating… film at eleven.
And so maybe such a harmonious, perceptive and expressive soul as Chris Martin and his band will pen a tune (next cd) on the subject of: if you can not depend on people in this world… then in who or what the flying fuck can one depend on / weather the storm of life in / where is the center? What Father Drobbingdon is real in this life and what is not?
One of my ancestors was in Fords Theater when Lincoln was shot. More of my ancestors were on the Titanic when it sank because they painted it the wrong colour. Another of my ancestors was responsible for developing the most advanced fighter-jet the world had seen in the late 50’s. Me, I’m going to help save the world through love and music. Only by the time I get up to speed, that creaking sound I will be hearing is the closing lid on my coffin…
And Dear Sister, I was starting to wonder myself for a while there what was happening to me. I soon realized after applying countless hours of Holmes like deductive reasoning to my dilemma, the answer came to me in a flash, the answer to my life is: the depth of my personal pain was in direct inverse proportion to the amount of time I had wandered / been away from the Church - (minus) the time (to the nearest micro-second) it took to write my last reply here.
By applying that simple yet mundane formula to my daily life (I am assured by the Director of the Institute for Advanced Emotional Healing), I will soon be functioning well soon. I am sure about this I hope.
Or maybe if I had gone to Wembly I might have qualified for some serious psychological re-unification from a professional practitioner of some sort.
We all wear the lens of our past one way or another and then depending on that you end up creating your own life according to the plan. Anything can and often does happen in the meantime (was that Chris Martin I just slept with, what a real and genuine Gentleman he is).
Like how come some peoples lives are like a book you could never imagine and some for the most part are what you might call “recovery lifetimes”, just a nice pleasant life, with a nice pleasant wife, in a nice pleasant house, all painted white.
Me, I blame it all on the system and the pirate bankers who grease the machine with toilet paper money and monopoly brand economics theory. But as the late great Jimi Hendrix once said: castles made of toilet paper money and pasturized honey fall down in the end.
When you look at a lot of the crap wrong (sorry) with what’s going on, you have to wonder if the brains who run the universe have their minds permantely stuck in fudge mode… or scary as it may sound….
EVERYTHING GOING ON IN THE WORLD NOW IS… PART OF A PLAN?
Maybe everything we go through here on earth is just like a school or something and we are supposed to learn some lesson or other? Of course Chris Martin speaks of human relations in every song they write. One of my favoutite favouties is Little White Shadows. For me the song is an anthem to the glory, mystery, emotion and life of this reality we are breathed into every moment by the power which rules our hearts.
Honestly, this music (and other artists), have with that music carried me / others over and above my own pain when I wanted relief from that. And if music can do that then that’s a pretty good deal. It’s almost the equivalent of having a warm and loving pet only in music form. Or, if you are having a really good life, then you just turn to your mate and say, so if you love me, how come…. I hurt… who cares?
In the end, it warms my heart to know that Coldplay are leading the way to a kinder and more user friendly society, where humans are more than just ATM operators and bankers are people who eat breakfast for breakfast, instead of human lives by the millions and societies by the pitful.
And if that is all part of the plan then I don’t want to know thank you. Me I’m going to hide under the bed with Lawrence. Lawrence can smell the future and it’s going to be bad says Lawrence.
I don’t feel lost or incomplete, I feel both, all the time? What do I do Father? How do I wiggle around this dilemma called my life?
Of course I’m being a little melodramatic but that is the power of music and their music in particular, a lot of artists to be sure because it’s all about the heart. Music can be so uplifting and so much of Coldplays music is that, Lawrence calls it “Soft-Art”.
I remember once a whie back reading a bit by? (so sorry) about how I BrotherOB was so bleessed because I was not burdened like them with some stone-like relationship which caused them no end of grief. Well, part of the reason I have been wandering in the dark is such a reason.
Besides that though, all is swell and the sky is still pale blue all day long where I live where little birds talk to each other continuously just for the joy it. And I’m closer to ever than recording something worth listening to but that may be awhile…
Until then you can just spin a disc, or as Jim Morrison once emphatically said in interview: why stay home when you can get off your ass, go see live music from real people and have a great time? What the fuck did he know eh?
So yes, I’m otay Buckwheat, just a little walking wounded you might say, a mild case of the thousand yard stare. That is the term journalist coined in Vietnam to describe the vacant and personless void they witnessed in the eyes of young children who were apparently elsewhere emotionally because hanging out in this world can be such a dangerous proposition / occupation.
But we all survive right? And one day we learn that all we ever had was… today. Oneday we all wake up and that’s it, or we don’t wake up. Until then we can all try to make this world a bit more human. More feeling, less pain.
So may the wind of Coldplays music fill the sail of your soul, and you too will oneday, somewhere in this vast creation, incarnate as Chris Martin Yourself! How As we rotate through the 10,000 year Buddist karmic cycle of lives lived, we all must live everyone else’s existence in order to develop the character traits we need to continue our journey, like compassion (it is so written, for sure).
And so, just by simply listening to this music we are guaranteed eternal life and forty virgins… before we get to hell.
I am so flattered to know I am loved by so many I must now share this with Lawrence.
There is but One God and Chris Martin Is His Prophet. It must be so for the water to flow, I hope.
Dad on 18 Oct 2009 at 11:00 am #
and Chris Martin Is His Son.
Dad (2) on 18 Oct 2009 at 11:50 pm #
Oh… and not the only one. Brothers & Sisters. Fiesta !
FRUGLE on 20 Oct 2009 at 3:11 am #
YOU ARE ALL SO FREAKING WEIRD!!! CHRIST MARTIN IS A NORMAL HUMAN BEING, OK? JUST BECAUSE HE HAPPENS TO KNOW HOW TO PLAY GOOD MUSIC, DOESN’T MEAN HE IS A PROPHET!! I MEAN I USED TO BE OBESSIVE ABOUT COLDPLAY LAST YEAR, BUT I ALWAYS KNEW THAT THEY WERE JUST NORMAL PEOPLE, AND BEING PART OF A BAND IS JUST THEIR CAREER. THEY ARE NOT SAINTS AND DEFINETLY NOT PROPHETS. I MEAN, CHRIS MARTIN IS FAR AWAY FROM BEING A SAINT, IF ANY OF YOU CHRIS MARTIN WORISHIPERS KNEW ANYTHING YOU WOULD KNOW THAT (WHAT DO YOU THINK THE SONG TROUBLE IS ABOUT?)SERIOUSLY… I WORRY ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.
carly on 20 Oct 2009 at 4:15 am #
what is wrong with you? Gwyneth Paltrow is awesome.
ps. this website is just creepy.
just say NO! 2 coldplaying.com on 20 Oct 2009 at 6:32 pm #
I knew I could scare some of you coldplaying.com twitters out of the dank basement you wank off in!
Frugle-you are so deluded and ignorant, I won’t waste my time on you. Frugle-you are just another regular, uninitiated Coldplay fan that simply “LISTENS” to their tunes! You are NOT “LISTENING” CORRECTLY! There is so much more there than meets the eye. Even Chris Martin acknowledges this fact when he always alludes to “puzzles, riddles, etc.,” Suffice to say that you will be left behind as just another pagan & heathen when the Great Day comes & true believers are rewarded for their sincere devotion.
Carly-yes, Mother Gwyneth is lovely-that is true.
But she is pestering Chris Martin to go solo, and The Church is undecided if this is the proper spiritual course of action. Additionally-her materialism and self-promotion embarrasses the Great One-who must remain meek and humble in order to continue to receive special musical guidance from the great beyond! That GOOP website is just a bored housewife-Gwyneth-trying to be a white Oprah! Why-pretty soon, she’ll be wanting her own magazine and GOOP show on the Oxygen channel! Dear Chris must abide this sanctimonious drivel because Mother Gwyneth surely amuses him with this and for them to break up now would be too costly a divorce-with the millions he has now earned from Viva la Vida! Plus she still looks hot after 2 kids!
coldplaying.com : WE ARE WATCHING YOU! Father Drobbingdon will not tolerate any desecration of our Church website and he is not one to mess with now as he is in the midst of his own messy divorce from his own personal harridan: Mother Drobbingdon! Heed my words: go back to your mother’s basement, pull out some porno and go to town with a pillowcase! Leave the Church be-we must creatively assist Chris Martin with the writing of the new “concept album,” and this is not easy work! Amen to the Great & Mighty Sanctuary of Coldplay Salvation! It is Done.
Chris needs to HELP THE GYPSIES! on 26 Aug 2010 at 5:53 am #
Church: we must put political pressure on the Great One: Chris Martin- TO STOP THE PURGING OF THE GYPSIES FROM FRANCE! Let Him hear our spiritual cries and answer them in His righteous surrender!
Yes-I know, Chris is busy surfing this summer and hob-nobbing with the snobs in East Hampton, but High Church Elders such as Sister Lilith de Sinenomine have been seized off the streets of Paris, while “soliciting for Coldplay tithes,” and deported back to their home countries without proper due process!
Where is Chris Martins abject horror at these atrocities being committed against his fans? We supported Chris telling us to stop eating meat on Mondays! All the girls had to come off the streets and not earn any money soliciting when Chris said we had to give it up for the good of the earth.
Then when Chris said to only buy and drink fair-traded coffee, it suddenly became more expensive to get our java fix but we did it for Him.
I would like to invite Coldplay and our Prophet Martin to TAKE UP THE CAUSE OF THE FRENCH GYPSIES and help us free our Sister Lilith from the clutches of the French immigration authorities! This loyal Church follower Lilith never once backed off from chewing out on the comments page-an idiotic coldplaying.com smiley-faced jackal or some crazed Portuguese ranting maniac. Saint Bono is also quite fond of lovely Lilith-and her exotic charms.
YES Church, let us pray for the benevolence of Chris Martin to come to our aide as we struggle to remain spiritually afloat. Father Drobbingdon left us to fend for ourselves but we will always have our Great One: Chris Martin as our moral compass. Please may we supplicate him and the band to assist the gypsies and take up this righteous cause of action.
Church members-do not despair. Greet each other with Holy Kisses and always be willing to lend a hand to some heathen that is inquisitive about Coldplay. It is our glorious duty to instruct the world about the rapturous music and prophetic lyrics of this most wonderful band. May the Glory of Chris Martin surround you with a flowery ether of omnipotence and may our love and devotion for Sister Lilith be not of this wretched world but sublimate all political turmoils. May our blessed Sister find her way back home and among her friends at the Church proper. Praiseworthy all among us as souls in need of Chris’s blessings and devotions. Amen & Amen.
Lilith: Stay Strong-We are Coming for you on 27 Aug 2010 at 4:59 am #
The Rev. Arthur Hervet, a Catholic priest in the city of Lille, France announced that he was praying that French President Nicolas Sarkozy would have a heart attack, in order to stop the deportations of the gypsies.
And in an apparent criticism of France’s mass deportation of Roma (Gypsy) immigrants, Pope Benedict XVI urged French-speaking Catholics to “accept legitimate human diversity” and practice “universal fraternity.”
Yes-Church of Chris Martin: PRACTICE UNIVERSAL FRATERNITY! This is what Chris would want also.
Addressing “Francophone pilgrims” in their native language, Pope Benedict noted the biblical teaching that “all men are called to salvation,” and invited his listeners to “follow Jesus-who came to gather together men of every nation and every tongue.”
The French government’s decision to send away 200 itinerant Roma to Bulgaria and Romania last week, citing their occupation of illegal camps in France, has drawn criticism from human rights activists, The Vatican and Holy See and most importantly-The Church of Chris Martin.
The Holy Elders have taken great umbrage at this xenophobic move on the part of the Frenchies. Many of our most cherished parishioners were swept up in these immigration raids. We have our own BrotheRob offering his hand in marriage to Sister Lilith-if we can track down this devoted worshiper in the Roma Pilgrim Camp to which she has been relegated by the authorities.
Chris Martin & Coldplay: we ask that you put aside Oxfam, Meat-Free Mondays and fair trade coffee beans to help your namesake Church reclaim their missing followers. Perhaps consider a new song for the striped down album that will call attention to the unfairness and injustice of this French gypsy crackdown. Show your social responsibility once again and use your rock star capital to question these French atrocities!
Worshipers: go to your Coldplay shrines! Light your Coldplay Holy Candles and Yellow Incense-ask a divine commitment and intercession come to our Virtual Church which will supercede the calamity that has befallen us. Pray a spiritual anointing come and refresh us in the name of all that is good and pure in the music of Chris Martin. Viva!