Tribute Band War!
Tribute bands Noasis and Coldplace have decided to follow in the footsteps of their idols by feuding over who will steal the show at Southport’s Jedi Festival today, according to the Crosby Herald.
Shane Crofts aka Chris Martin said, “We don’t like to blow our own trumpet, but we have played all over the world. We’ve played with Bob Geldof in Malta and in the Dominican Republic.”
James Cropley aka Noel Gallagher hit back saying, “We will blow them out of the water. We don’t know who is headlining yet but put it this way; I wouldn’t envy anyone that’s on after us.”
Shane Crofts aka Chris Martin retorted, “We’ve had to share a dressingroom with them before, and we didn’t envy having to go into the toilet, that much is true. There is a football cage at the festival,” he added, “So maybe we can decide it there.” We at the CoCM have no idea what that might mean.
But the fact remains, while Coldplace began as Noasis’ support act, they backed the winning horse in the long race. While Coldplay have become one of the world’s biggest acts, the Gallagher brothers’ have been reduced to touring on the back of ever-decreasing sales, cashing in on former glories and seeming ever more disenchanted by the whole process, what with Liam’s absenteeism and Noel’s increasingly imminent solo career. Indeed, it would not be inaccurate to say that today’s Oasis is little more than a tribute band, as few of the musicians appearing under the moniker presently actually appeared on their classic albums.
The situation has escalated since then, however, with festival participants Keen and Radiohead tribute Faux K Computer leaping to Coldplace’s defence, insisting that they should headline. Opening act Blair were unavailable for comment, due to trying to find a Graham Coxon lookalike with only a few days notice. Luckily, the festival organisers have banned seafood, so there won’t be a repeat of the T in the Park debaclé.
July 26 2009 12:15 am | news
Sister Amanda of Byzantine on 02 Aug 2009 at 3:16 pm #
It is I-Sister Amanda of Byzantine-an Apostle and High Church Elder of this Great Church of Love-Pilgrim sister to the Erect Three of Glastonbury and Holy Elect with the True Widow in spreading to the dispersion a message of Hope & deliverance that abounds In adoration of Coldplay. Blessed Be Chris Martin-the Sanctifed Sage of Begotten-ness and inheriter of Heavenly Music so undefiled & incorruptible that even the dirty claws and filthy lies of Twat Stevens and Joe Satriani can do no harm.
For God has put up His Shield of protection around the purring stirrings of lullaby LOVE that emits from Godly Chris’s realm of wonder. He (Chris) is kept pure by this Power through faith for Salvation ready to be revealed in the last Times.
As such..and as a High Church Elder, the True Widow has asked me to address the Church today on the God Forsaken emboldenment of the nefarious coldplaying.com-who in a vain effort to come up in High Glory against the Great Church-NOW ARE COMING ON TO CHURCH MEMBERS ON THEIR FACEBOOK PAGES & TRYING TO LURE THEM AWAY! Yes-it is true-it happened to the Noble Widow-she of the unblemished character and sanctified Holy Wisdom & Heavenly Realm of Goodness-Even she has been tempted by the dark hand of coldplaying.com!
So if it can happen to Her-it can happen to anyone! Watch out Church members…coldplaying.com will come up upon you like a snake in the night…a bad rash from an ill-advised overnight visitor! It will lurk about and pounce in a low moment, but DO NOT be tempted..remember “And this is the condemnation, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds are evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, because there were evil. But he who does the truth comes to the light that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done by God.” John 3:19-21.
What the above means is that the Church operates in the Light of Truth. We hide nothing. We do not creep about like the animals of the night and sneak up on unsuspecting Twitter-ers or Facebook fans of the band and offer out a twisted hand in rebuke. NO-coldplaying.com has got one over on the Church at Twitter-the poor Widow mistakenly signed up and was aghast at all the content sent over from coldplaying.com! Apart from some very nice, high-quality pictures of the band probably purchased by the filthy lucre of coldplaying.com,-what is sent is worthless words of mendacity & mediocrity..ill-written reviews of the shows or posts about topics that are better yet relegated to the dark threads and stupid happy-faces of the cretins who lurk there in the dark caverns of soul-death that is coldplaying.com.
I CANNOT IMPRESS enough to Church members to guard yourself against these overtures of avarice that may entice you to take a look, like the Good Widow did. She felt dirty, unclean, and festered with sores of the soul for befouling herself with coldplaying.com. It took many hours of Coldplay music and gazing at the shrine of Chris Martin before she felt compelled to go among the living again & seek THE TRUTH! If Twitters from coldplaying.com can trick the Pure Widow and defile her-imagine what it can do to a lowly fan who just happens to wander aimlessly among the websites? The thought of increased Holy wars and Kim Jong-like tensions fester the atmosphere!
Church members: pray for deliverance. Know that your High Church Elders possess special Spiritual gifts that will allow us to prevail against the devil of coldplaying.com. Even Brother Rob..he of the declining credit card has enough POWER & Authority to chase the Scumlords of Hell back to the bat caves of yore! Always Greet One Another in Love. Peace to You who are in Chris. We are of the Elect with foreknowledge & in sanctification of the Music Spirit for pure guidance, obedience and Grace. Holy Church: Keep praying that we may save the souls of coldplaying.com. “Let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his ways will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.” James 5:20. God Bless You All in Love and Coldplay Music! Amen.
omar on 25 Sep 2009 at 5:58 am #
i think you’re insane… you’re nuts,, you got no idea what are you talking abaout. maybe you should worship my ass instead..