When Chris Martin realised his Divinity
Many years ago, when Drobbingdon founded the Church of Chris Martin, Coldplay had just released AROBTTH. The album was filled with cries of hope for spiritual rebirth, and the expectation of a coming messiah. But two years later, they released X&Y, and the message had become one of salvation.
At some point between the two albums, Chris Martin had become conscious of the fact that he was not waiting for a messiah, he WAS that messiah. Let’s look at the evidence.
(Click the embedded links for fuller exegeses of these songs.)
First, from AROBTTH… God Put A Smile
Where do we go, nobody knows
I’ve gotta say I’m on my way down
Chris feels that life has no meaning. Yet he remains aware of an imminant divinity -
God give me style and give me grace
God put a smile upon my face
A normal person, he is no better and no more informed than the rest of us -
Now when you work it out I’m worse than you
Yeah when you work it out, I want it too
Now when you work out where to draw the line
Your guess is as good as mine…
He’s still looking for lines and meanings in In My Place…
In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn’t change
The lines which he could not change are the lines of prophecy in the Old Testament. These appear to predict a coming saviour, or messiah.
I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn’t have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah.
Chris wanders the Earth, (first World Tour!) waiting until the new Messiah appears -
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
But soon, his revelation came… Speed of Sound off X&Y
How long do i have to climb
Up on the side of this mountain of mine?
Prophets’ revelations frequently come on a mountain, like Moses and Mohammad.
Look up, I look up at night -
Planets are moving at the speed of light
Then the vision comes, a rush of sensations. He suddenly understands, yet cannot communicate it clearly to us. Unless we’ve had the experience ourselves, we cannot hope to understand what is beyond words -
Ideas that you’ll never find,
All the inventors could never design.
A sign that I couldn’t read,
or a light that I couldn’t see.
Some aspects of the vision remain unfathomable, despite the feeling of truth he gets from it -
All that noise, and all that sound,
All these places I have found…
Birds came flying from the underground -
If you could see it then you’d understand.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
To show you how it all began.
When you see it then you’ll understand…
The image of the bird is the Holy Spirit, which is traditionally portrayed as a dove in religious art. Here, the bird is the Holy Spirit, a message from the underground (his Subconscious mind) who tell him how his fame began - because he is a prophet!
Gravity, recorded for X&Y but released by Embrase, is the realisation of the vision of Speed of Sound. Chris has had the vision that announced his status as Messiah, and here he begins to realise what this new perspective means. Anyway, Coldplay eventually released their own version because Embrase suck the big one.
It’s been a long time coming
And I can’t stop now
Such a long time running
And I can’t stop now
This is a direct reference to U2’s “Where The Streets Have No Name“. Then we revisit the vision of Speed of Sound -
Do you hear my heart beating?
Can you hear that sound?
‘Cause i can’t help thinking
I don’t look down
Down, that is, from the dizzying ecclesiastical heights he now occupies. Next, he describes how he suddenly percieves the very rules of the universe, and how they affect the ordinary people -
And then I looked up at the sun
And I could see
Oh, the way that gravity turns for you and me
If he just means that gravity effects us all, why does he say that gravity “turns”? It doesn’t. It makes things fall. It’s a “metaphor”.
And then i looked up at the sky
And saw the sun
And the way that gravity turns on everyone
He seems almost to straddle earth and heavens here. Gravity turns on everyone means the act that we all have our destinies, our god-given role to play in the universe. (Again, as in “speed of Sound”, it shows a complete lack of understanding of actual science.) Yet Chris has frequently shown that he represents the solar energy, Yellow, for example.
Finally, he reminds us of the universality of his message -
On everyone…
April 18 2009 12:05 am | Doctrine and Interpretation
masscare on 19 Apr 2009 at 8:38 am #
chris martin is really suck….who did he really think he was,,,,he just a normal human…not a prophet…fuck offg him,,,jerk like him should be punished by the karma…he should never puzzle the crossword,,,,shit out of luck for him…hahahaha
Pleiades the (yellow) stars on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:55 pm #
Dear Great Master Drubbindown:
Yes, your visionary interpretations seem to be kosher enough, but many facts are falling through the cracks. For instance, in reference to U2’s “Where The Streets Have no Name” this is a direct reference to heaven, & if CM should deign to mention Bono at all, it maybe so grudgingly–after being called a “wanker,” “cretin” and “dysfunctional” by the great One! Even a man as perfect a drug as CM may still have some permutations regarding FORGIVENESS?
Furthermore you DON’T EVEN touch on the masterpiece of motivation: “LIFE IN TECHNICOLOR II” whereby the great CM comes out directly with lyrics pertaining to his creative muse: “It is pulling him OFF the ground, and please don’t let it stop!” Now CM may have just had a luscious wet dream (since Madonna Gwyneth probably don’t give him any) BUT STILL: here is the proof: CHRIS MARTIN IS BEING DIVINELY INSPIRED! Drobbingdown: please GET ON YOUR GAME! (I submit this respectfully and with meekness and humility to the Great Drob)
Jessica on 23 Apr 2009 at 7:07 pm #
When the two become one 2012!
drobbingdon on 23 Apr 2009 at 9:31 pm #
Mealy-mouthed flibertigibbet (AKA Pleiades)! Your misguided cheek betrays that you have not clearly understood the point of this post. Its point is NOT that Chris Martin is divinely inspired, a fact that should by now be considered to be understood by every single Martinite. Rather, the point is the EXACT MOMENT that he realised that for himself. Thus, your points about Bono’s jibes and Life in Technicolour II, although correct, are irrelevant.
However, your comment about Where the Streets Have No Name shows some insight, so I shall forgive you. This time.
Good day, sir.
Hemp-a-lot on 24 Apr 2009 at 6:11 am #
Oh! Please! All this flailing about when Chris got Divine (is that the prostitute who gave Hugh Grant a b.j.?) is just alot of hot air and nonsense. Chris Martin exists in a stratosphere not aligned to the one mere mortals live in. Not even the great, portly and worldly Drobbingdon can wrap his small….uh..head..around this weighty matter. Chris himself tells us in Like in Technicolor II-that he cannot be weighed down-and in order to be inspired musically–his feet must not “touch the ground.”
Speaking of that: when I last enjoyed a good water pipe-ful, a vision of Nirvana and Kurt Cobain came to me out of the blue. Kurt was floating along in the clouds asking to be made a saint in this fine Church-and I said I would intercede on his behalf.
Thank you grand-master drub!
The Real Chris Martin on 26 Apr 2009 at 6:11 am #
Correct me if I am wrong, but when you get to heaven they don’t ask you how much you are worth right? They ask you, what did you learn or how much good did you do in the world while you werer alive on one of them. (that is the actual correct tense of the verb to be when referring to one who has incarnated on a world and passed on to another, like us all).
While you were alive on one of them? Have you ever stopped to consider the implications of being alive on a planet somewhere in the universe? I have, and I have come to the conclusion that we are all Gods in human form with the power to destroy all life on earth if we want to or if someone pays me enough money to do that or worse I will, in a dream.
We are all divine, within each and every one of us is the Golden Chipmunk. Inside all matter, on all planes of existence and a few helicopters also, there exists in a state of perpetual oneness, the Golden Chipmunk.
I have spoken with the Golden Chipmunk in my dreams and He has set forth My Path in this world. I will continue to attempt EMERGENCY SPIRITUAL RESUSITATION for the humanoids on earth, but hope is fading rapidly. The times they are a changing.
In other words this is the most strange existence (lifetime),I have EVER HAPPENED.
While the great late Jimi Hendrix asked “have you ever been experienced”, I ask: “have you ever been happened?” As in: have you ever been happy, Mr HappyBan man? But lets not go there now and besmirch the good human of the blood people from Mars…
They who eat Jews for breakfast on shish kabobs, after praying to their God and Supreme Ruler Akmed Oughtagetajobadinajad.
Anyway, just remember this, when you get to Heaven (here and now) and they ask you what was it all about, and you go “I don;’t remember?”, that’s called wasting a human life.
And while we are on the subject, I’ve found the best cure for Armageddon Depression Syndrome,which is not to be confused with AIDS or FADES (Furless Apes Destroying Earth Societee. Mais Oui? Ou Non?).
If you want a cool tip on a real hot radio show with great new music from artists I have never heard of? It’s called The Signal I think, on cbc radio.ca. The Chipmunk told me.
Hey, they play us, so they must have good taste?Right?
And remember, it’s not how much money you made while you were here on planet earth, it’s all about how you destroyed the world and killed so many, when you could have done so much better, if you were not so god damn fucking shitless BLIND IN HEART.
May the Chris be with you as the smoke of Armegeddon clogs the kitchen sink of your minds discretion when it should have known better and might have forgone the lesson your heart was desperately trying to scream at you, but your shield of ARROGANCE kept you from any feeling or love… and you got what you always knew was coming in the fucking END, when you do not listen, to the silent voice within.
I am the light as are you all as is every thing and non-thing in and without of creation and, also in all things not yet brought into existence, for that is the power and the glory of my God, who dwells in me and you.
As Always / Eternally Begging the Divine for Your Redemption / I Am Always / The Real Chris Martin
ps the cure for Armageddon ds is st johns wort and thianne pills, who knew? And, it has way upped my creativity, I talk with dogs and Angels now.
Saint Joan of Harp on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:16 am #
This is the most ass-tounding liturigical canon of thought and mind-bending circum-navigation of the e pluribus unum quagmire of the true life ever!
Chris can talk to angels because he is a divine angel, with an angelic wife and angelic-looking kids. He is without-a-doubt an angelic channeler through his music and he can speak and interact with dead people too. The dogs he speaks with are the other jealous rock stars barking at him because he got that handful of Grammy’s and really HOT girls would like to do it in Japan with him, but they respect his divinity and kosherness way too much to sully their privates. Now myself, when I try and feed and groom my 42 cats-I get to thinking of Chris Martin, and hope that because he can speak with dogs now, he may be able to speak to cats too. And would he please tell mine to quit pooping in my pillows! Thx!
Natalia Imbruliaed on 28 Apr 2009 at 6:16 pm #
Please all Holy Members of this Divine Church:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9xclq9EKZ0&feature=PlayList&p=B4228D579FD0F134&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=38
Depeche Mode played LIVE in Hollywood on April 23 for the Jimmy Kimmel show! GUESS WHO WAS IN THE AUDIENCE?
The Exalted Being of Chris(t) Martin! As soon as his emminence was noted by the band, they immediately broke out in this song that I left a link to-thusly confirmation from another Brit band that the Holiest (on earth) harks from among the land of tea & strumpets, I mean crumpets! CM is SO DIVINE and humble (a symbol of his divinity) that he feels compelled to mingle in the crowds of Hollywood dispensing justice and guidance to the Los Angeles riff-raff and homeless! All Hail this Hale Fellow!
Natalia Imbruliaed on 28 Apr 2009 at 6:23 pm #
If there was any question regarding the complete divinity, please Holy Rollers of this great Church: NOTE THIS-Depeche Mode played April 23 on Hollywood Blvd. for the Jimmy Kimmel Live show. Among the mingling masses was the Divine CM-humble and holy and appreciating this wonderful Brit band.
When DM saw the shining halo of love-CM in their audience-they fell to their Gucci-ed feet and broke into song! Which song you may ask? “Personal Jesus” and they played it winking at their Co-Brit Band God-like figure-in their venerated midst. Thusly confirming to the masses, what WE at the Church of CM have been blessed to know all along: From the Land of tea & strumpets..there comes..the new..and improved edition of….Depeche MODE! Holy Hallelujah!
cristina on 05 Jun 2009 at 11:15 pm #
it’s such a perfect day
Holy Pilgrims Three (Erectified) on 16 Jun 2009 at 9:44 pm #
A Great BIG FIRM Hello to One and All..from the Holy Pilgrims 3**wanderers of truth and musical revelations***
Summer is nearly upon us and that means concerts, festivals and Glastonbury tent events featuring yours truly and those sensational sinsational C O C Girls!
It gets a guy to thinking and not of more pasty, gap-toothed Brit girls in need of a bath! The Pilgrims 3 want to go to America! We wad a USA adventure-with or without mud. Coldplay is headlining some 3-day event in New Jersey in August and we want in!
Us boys heard that over in America, the girls are extra-friendly and most have their own teeth! Another myth that we are aware of is: they actually have good food at these big American shows-not all that bland, veggie food like at Glastonbury! The boys & I are looking forward to some good concert food for a change and some party-hearty Yank chicks to do some erection-funding with.
If it pleases the Arch Pope Drobbingdon, we-the Holy Pilgrims 3 would like to be approved for solicitation at the Yellow Tent Event? The pain and travail of our martyrdom to Glastonbury is but a distant but painful memory of endurance and calamity. We wish to make new, happy memories in a Holy Trek to America and hope that it is-among the polluted smokestacks, endless bland strip mall centers, and buried remains of Jimmy Hoffa-that us boys can finally catch up with and bow down before the Great One-Chris Martin & Coldplay.
Church members and women unite behind us. Continue to fund and pray for our Glastonbury Erection, but now we wish to experience a overseas Erection of sorts and one that will inspire even greater devotion and sacred love among all church members-young and old. Hallelujah-and pass that donation cup! Amen.
Pepin the Fat on 23 Jun 2009 at 2:31 pm #
Hello to all:
just back from Summer Solstice at Stonehenge..
that was some killer party with heathens, pagans, nature-worshippers, wiccans and male witches. wow!
Oh..also there were the C O C G I R L S !
they wanted to celebrate the most magical place on earth. (not Disneyland.)
One of them said she wanted to do an interpretive dance of the astronomical phenomenon known as Midsummer’s Day called “observer in inertial space”
I never have seen anything like it.
the other C O C girlfriends came out and were gyrating, dancing and swinging around a May (stripper)pole to Coldplay tunes. The enthusiasm and passion of the ladies were contagious. they were electrifying-especially when they began to take off their peasant blouses and bohemian clothing-flinging them into the crowd. eventually the “nature dance” turned into a naked “expression of love for the planet.” it was mind-boggling!
the girls then welcomed one and all to the Glastonbury tent where we can continue this big party of love and courtship ritual dance lesson.
this was surely a special Stonehenge event-the weather was perfect and the spiritual love and healing power felt coming off the Heel Stone cured
my hemorrhoids almost immediately.
the church of chris martin should be very proud to claim these lovely nature girls as true representatives of the bountiful love found in the english countryside. Hallelujah!
Candy Caine & C O C girls on 24 Jun 2009 at 12:27 am #
Thanks be for all the kind words generated from our “performance” at the Midsummer event.
The girls and I were particularly inspired by the beauty of Stonehenge and the celestial gathering of like-minded individuals. When the drum circle and the lighting of the bonfire commenced, the girls felt a surge of adrenaline to dance and express ourselves.
Now many Church members consider the C O C girls little more than common harlots or working wantons, but that could not be further from the truth. C O C girls are Bohemian artists that create (initially) a dance statement using clinging scarves and diaphanous tunics that soon unveil the beauty and magnificence of the human form… au naturale!
Our improvised dancing is emotion in human form. We love to dance to the lulling voice of sweet Chris Martin’s dulcet melodies and our group of girls want to educate the world on the beauty of Church music. Please support our efforts at improvisational dancing
and a true interpretation of the meanings of life, love and the pursuit of gratification overall.
Thanks be again to all that threw dollars at us-both here and at Stonehenge. With the approval of Arch Pope Drobbingdon, we would like to invite the public to enjoy our “Skinny Dip” water dance at the Glastonbury Tent Event. If the weather doesn’t cooperate, then it will become a MUD interpretative dance. All hail Artistic Freedom to Create! Hallelujah!
from a You Tube friend-NOT UPSET! on 24 Jun 2009 at 2:23 pm #
Actually I am not upset about the Chris Martin web site. See although Chris is not the messiah as the site states, he has been in direct contact with the Most High Himself. In fact it was the Most High who wanted a band from the same area, and had the same qualities, as U2 who was also another band that the Most High was involved with in getting them started. So Chris is known by the Most High. I still think ‘clocks’ ROCKS!!!
Brandon Boyd on 26 Jun 2009 at 8:11 am #
Dear Mailman,
The clock in now, and the mail is hot, butterflys are gathering in the 3333.333333 millions! So have you thought about who who who you are yet? I was talking to bjork in my backyard the other night and she said she was inlove with a triangle called in rainbows? Your wife does not wear a black wrist-ring, so dont call your wife, because you cannot have two…Heaven calls…Night!
Much love,
The Shark
Gwyneth Goop on 26 Jun 2009 at 2:53 pm #
If Brandon Boyd would like to take my husband’s muse off his hands, I would welcome this offer.
Yeah-Divine Chris got a boatload of Grammy’s and the wrath of Saint Bono upon him! All that damn VIVA album brought was the scourge of various plagarism cases upon the band. Oh..and millions of Euros in the bank!
Yes-Brandon Boyd..Heaven is calling you..and you can have her. Make sure you load up on Red Bull! And painting supplies..Just SAY No to husband’s girlfriends!
Professor Ivory Tower on 04 Jul 2009 at 7:37 pm #
Greeting to all:
It is painful for me to see the Church embroiled in dissension, turmoil, and a innate questioning of just what role Chris Martin will exert in Messianic prophecy. I do not claim to have all the answers, but I can enlighten and extend an olive branch to all the nay-sayers and dis-believers out there. Firstly,let me quote one of the dear living Saints among us: Holy Saint Bono: “She moves in mysterious ways.”
False Prophecy is what is upsetting good and God-fearing Christians who see Satan in what this Church is all about. That could not be further from the truth. The Church of Chris Martin is all about what 1 Corinthians 13:4 speaks of: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag and is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.” This Church is about LOVE !
False prophets bring misery and evil down upon themselves. God will see to that, to wit: Peter 2:1-
“There used to be false prophets among God’s people, just as you have some false prophets in your group. They will secretly teach things that are wrong-teachings that will cause people to be lost. So they will bring quick ruin to themselves.”
Matthew 7:15 speaks also of false prophecy: “Beware of false prophets. They come to you looking gentle like sheep but are really dangerous like wolves. You will know these people by what they do. Grapes do not come from thorn bushes and figs do not come from thorny weeds. In the same way, every good tree produces good fruit, but a bad tree produces bad fruit and a bad tree CANNOT produce good fruit. In the same way, you will know these false prophets by what they do.”
John 15:5 ; “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit, for without Me you can do nothing.” People will know you by your actions and your words. You will know the people of God by the fruits that they bear. Mark 9: 39-” Jesus said “Anyone who uses my name to do powerful things will not easily say evil things about me. Whoever is not against us is with us.”
Therefore, by the fruits of his labors, Chris Martin is a good, God-fearing man. He is not against God; thus the Bible states: if he is not against us, he is with us. False prophets are mainly material. These days that would mean worship of money, pleasure, pornography, materialism and immoral behavior. Deuteronomy 4:28 : “There you will worship Gods made by people, gods made of wood and stone, that cannot see, hear, eat or smell. But even there you can look for the Lord your God, and you will find him if you look for him with your whole being.”
What could potentially be spiritually hazardous is if fans made shrines and worship idols of Coldplay. Loving the person, the music, the ideals, thoughts and sentiments of someone is not false worship.
Mathhew 24:24- “False Christs and false prophets will come and perform great wonders and miracles. They will try to fool even the people God has chosen, if that is possible.” Accusations of false prophecy are considered a sign of the end times.
2 Peter: 3:2-”My friends I want you to think about the words the holy prophets spoke in the past and remember the command our Lord and Savior gave us through the apostles. It is most important for you to understand what will happen in the last days. People will laugh at you. They will be doing the evil things they want to do. The Lord is not slow in doing what he promised. God is being patient and does not want anyone to be lost, but he wants all people to change their hearts and lives. You should live holy lives and serve God as you wait for and look forward to the coming day of God.”
Though this might terrify Arch Pope Drobbingdon in his bunker, this is not something to be feared. The point is: there are false prophets out there but Coldplay and Chris Martin is not one of them. Does the following sound like a man trying to turn the masses against God…from the transcript of the 60 Minutes Grammy Coldplay interview of last year: “You won’t catch the band in tight leather pants or snorting drugs off the back of a stripper. The British press often rags on Coldplay for being TOO earnest and boring. They are extremely conscientious, dedicated to their music and leave a small carbon footprint.”
The band is a proponent of vegetarianism-as the recent “Meat-Free Monday” campaign asks fans “for the good of the planet” to cut back on meat consumption. Also the Oxfam’s “Make Trade Fair” Big Noise petition which Chris Martin and Coldplay championed at the WTO convention in Cancun spoke of “seeking tangible results for the world’s marginalized countries.” Chris Martin said: “We’re here to raise awareness of fair trade practices because millions of people around the world are suffering because of policies like export subsidies.” Hardly the words of an evil tempter of God’s people. Chris Martin and Coldplay honored Michael Jackson-a talented but mis-understood performer-with beautifully-worded sentiments on their website and also at worldwide concerts. Such words would not emanate from the devil’s mouth. Remember: you will know them by the fruits of their labors!
In summary, let me offer my learned professorship’s knowledge and guidance to this great Church and reassure the many who are spiritually askance, that there is nothing to fear from adoration of Chris Martin. God probably has a hearty smile and firm embrace for this gentleman and would probably also say to him, (Matthew 25:21) “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Dear Church of Chris Martin: Let not your hearts be troubled.
The Real Chris Martin on 10 Jul 2009 at 4:32 am #
The real question everyone should just be dying to know is not how many huge piles of cash Chris Martin will leave behind hidden somewhere in the deep dark Great Depressions of the Holy Church Compound. But more over: when he died and arrived at the Gates of Hell to serve out a new life as Concerto Maestro in Hell for Eternity, why was he turned away and sent straight to Heaven? (the real one / not virgins heaven / they don’t do white speak there / see success and it’s outcome / succeed like suicide / Let us cry….
And the answer is, when you are from beyond the great wall of White Noise, and the center of a hurricane is motionless, then you have found yourself. I just worked at my music and look what happened (you might say about him / them / or anyone who works at their God given talent)
Talk about why they sent Chris Martin straight to Heaven, to return and be in unity with the power that is the sun the stars the moon and all things which ever lived, and those yet to manifest in creation.
And I read some whiner in here somewhere using very bad English that I had no life??????? Get a life?????
THIS IS MY FUCKINH LIFE YOU DOORNKOB. yOU DO NOT WANT to SEE chris MARTIN pissed offfffff. Get my bird gun MOJO. We are hunting bankers today……….
But I digress, it was said that the reason Chris Martin was spurned from the gates of Hell, only to be carried by Angels to the golden feet of Mohamed in Havana / (Car-Bomb Heaven), where he decided to not stay and was then carried to beyond the Ninth Unison where all matter is latent in light plasma fields which fill the visible universe forever.
And the Lord of the Ninth universe and all creation ever to be said: He gave his heart and love to the world, they gave the world love in a time of darkness, they gave the world hope, They made up, which was hither to for down and in imbalance.
And now, in life, before that future event I have seen in vision form, especially now with Saint Michal Gone (I hope the Archpoet concurs / from the bunker-cellar), it is even more incumbent upon the true Prophet of *God (*Of the Ninth Universe), that He greatly accelerate the BAND PLAN to save humanity from yourselves please?
I have to go now and try to understand something that’s been puzzling me. I don’t ever remember a time when I was a puzzle, so why do I feel like one now? And remember, you may be a big fish in a little car, but you will never go far.
Now that Michael Jackson is dead, does that mean we can look forward to him writing on this Holy Ethereal Plasmonic O’Scriptigram / constructed precisely as HG Wells dictated in his lost manuscript (an now chillingly prophet)”When Kars Ruled the Planet”, and the O’scriptigram was used worldwide by everyone to communicate… much like what WE Now have as the INTERNET… !~!~!~!~!~!
So have a nice day and thanks for the concert cash etc, we luv ya.
Forever Yours / From Beyond the Eleventh Light Field / Talking with God in My Sleep / I Will Try My God / To Save Mankind Through Love / Or trip and DIE onstage doing it… / NOT
Spend Your whole life living in a “cast” tied to a “mask”?
Depressive Syndrome » The Church of Chris Martin » When Chris Martin realised his Divinity on 19 Aug 2009 at 10:19 am #
[…] The Church of Chris Martin » When Chris Martin realised his Divinity AKPC_IDS += “85,”;Popularity: unranked […]
Pious Church Elder Welcomes Depressive Syndrome Sufferers on 19 Aug 2009 at 3:39 pm #
Thank you for your allowing this Holy Church of Chris Martin to help heal “Depressive Syndrome” disease. We at the Church are very proud of our website, Facebook page, and outreach efforts that include the C: O: C: girls, Glastonbury Holy Pilgrims 3, Brother Rob out of Vancouver, Canada, & the True Widow who is hopeful of not being a “widow” much longer. Of course-we must not forget the Guilded Guide and Sheep-herder of this Beloved Batch of Chris Martin lovers-the Great Arch Pope Drobbingdon-whilst still suffering lethargy from the manipulations of coldplaying.com-still does manage to rouse himself occasionally into battle and call the Great Church forward to world acclaim and perpetual power.
We Holy Church Elders welcome all depressives, or any others suffering from psychological or psychiatric ailments to come along and worship here with us. We judge no one, “lest we be judged,” and find that the more eccentric the parishioner-the better the comments left on the blog page. So-give us your poor, your stark raving mad denizens and we will take them and turn them out crazier
but still full of love and pious, chaste Church devotion to the Great Soul Master: Chris Martin. His personage, songs, life, and great soul have MASTERFUL HEALING POWERS! Please pray on this matter and visit our website, Facebook page-become a fan, and donate tax-deductible Euro’s (yes-all your inheritance–WE WANT IT!)
It is with a gladdened heart full of love that I welcome all with the Depressive Syndrome into the braying folds of this wonderful Church! Amen.
Depressive Episode-Postpartum Psychosis & Pit Poked New Mom on 19 Aug 2009 at 11:57 pm #
While we are on the topic of Depressive Episodes and mental health lock down orders from the judge and jury or just brief respites in a minimum security prison which may or may not be like a country-club but still there is the threat of electro-shock therapy: I would like to bring up the issue of Postpartum Depression:
“Many new moms feel happy one minute and sad the next. If you feel better after a week or so, you probably just had the “baby blues.” If it takes you longer to feel better, you may have postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression can make you feel restless, anxious, fatigued and worthless. Some new moms worry they will hurt themselves or their babies. Unlike the “baby blues,” postpartum depression does not go away quickly. Very rarely, new moms develop something even more serious. They may stop eating, have trouble sleeping and become frantic or paranoid. Women with this condition usually need to be hospitalized.
Researchers think that changes in your hormone levels during and after pregnancy may lead to postpartum depression. If you think you have it, tell your health care provider. Medicine and talk therapy can help you get well.”
Get your mind right – The first priority! There is clear research evidence and clinical guidelines regarding therapy- postpartum depression is often under treated. Hopefully, this situation can change for the better. Cure your depression; buy cheap prozac online, or better yet-Stay Away from Coldplay concerts! Yes-you heard me right. Last year I had tickets in the pit at a Coldplay show and all I remember in my euphoria was a lot of pushing and pulling and yanking and strange sensations that I thought were from the hypnotic melodies of Viva la Vida, but now my obstetrician tells me that I may have been “pit poked” and got myself knocked up at the concert. Now I had never heard of this, but 9 months and 48 hours later of extreme labor-I am now a mother of twins and a sufferer of Postpartum
Depression.
Since the Church is now in the process of hooking up the minsitry with a bunch of depressed misfits, could I maybe apply to be a Holy Church Elder? I have the breast-feeding boobs to be a C: O: C: girl, but no dance skills; I’m nobodies widow-although I would like to kill the guy that got me knocked up in
the pit! May I please be the “Postpartum Mum” and perhaps the Noble Widow can take me under her Devout Wing? I am so happy I have a Church to go to & that you will allow balling twin newborn babies to attend Coldplay liturgies & masses is kind of you.
God Bless the Church, but I am sinking into the blues right now, so I best be on my way to enforced medication hour in the therapy tent. Viva psychiatrists-despite what Tom Cruise & the Scientologists may say! LADIES: watch for “pit pokers” in your pits! VIVA Coldplay condoms!