INTERPOL - REQUEST FOR INFORMATION:
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?
DEAN DROBBINGDON AKA SEAN EDDINGTON AKA ROB DEANINGTON
CAUCASIAN, AGE 46
FOLLOWING THE INVESTIGATION OF SOME FINANCIAL IRREGULARITIES FOUND DURING THE PRODUCTION OF VIVA LA VIDA - THE MUSICAL, A WARRANT HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR THE ARREST OF DEAN DROBBINGDON, WHO DISAPPEARED FROM HIS LONDON HOME LAST WEEK. AS A RESULT, THIS WEBSITE HAS BEEN SEIZED ALONG WITH ALL CHURCH ASSETS, PENDING INVESTIGATION.
A REWARD IS OFFERED FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO HIS ARREST.
January 24 2010 | news | 23 Comments »
With a resolute hold on power among the faithful of The Church of Chris Martin,Father Drobbingdon is one fascinating but elusive enigma! In an effort to counter an aloof, ivory-tower image, the Great Father Drobbingdon agreed to sit down with the True Widow for a little get-to-know-you interview recently. We now present an intellectual exercise in opening up a crevice into the mind of a spiritual powerhouse…
True Widow - Good Evening Father Drobbingdon. Congratulations on yet ANOTHER grab of the Father Drobbingdon Award. Was there ever a doubt you would NOT win this highly-sought after trophy?
Drobbingdon - It is difficult to remain modest and humble, especially when you’re as rich and handsome as I. Yet I know in my heart that I deserve it, and in all humbleness, accept it. It is an honour that truly belongs to me and me alone.
TW - Let’s review the year just past. What is the highlight of 2009 in regard to the Church of Chris Martin?
D - Most likely, my divorce. If I can manage to continue to hide my assets from my soon-to-be-ex, and also stall the judge on alimony payments, I may hold onto my millions. This is vital to the Church, as that shrew-my ex-wife has threatened to take title to this website, if I don’t pay her off. No doubt the harpie is in cahoots with coldplaying.com! [Please readers: send your tithes to Father and they will be used to rid the Church of that shrew - Ed.]
TW - Speaking of coldplaying.com, what is the current status of the peace negotiations on-going with them? Might that accursed group show up at the Glastonbury Pilgrims Invocation and demand to be seated on stage with Saint Bono?
D - BrotheRob attempted to intercede with coldplaying.com, since he was once one of their debased threaders, but they shooed him away. Next, chicks.dig.coldplay issued a Writ of Co-Joinder Status and attempted to have Jen-Jen of coldplaying.com sign it, but the Exeter concert event intervened and the entreaty came to naught. Now it is up to I, the Holy Arch Pope. I am proposing a Glastonbury 2010 truce, so that we may have a Yellow Tent Event free of shenanigans.
TW - What special treats await Saint Bono if he should grace our Yellow Tents and Pilgrim Party with his presence?
D - Firstly, I regularly party with Saint Bono at his house on the French Riveria, so I know that he is partial to fine French wines, Cuban cigars, Italian cuisine, and young ladies with pert bosoms. All shall be offered the Great One of Ireland, along with the choicest seat on the Pilgrims dais. An ode to Bono will be read, accompanied by a C:O:C: interpretative dance. I’m sure our Saint will be pleased.
TW - Since your self-imposed exile in your cellar, and subsequent resurrection, what lessons have you learned?
D - I learned that as the spiritual and ecumenical leader of this Church of Chris Martin, I have an undeniable greatness of leadership, and without that guidance I offer, the Church lurches along shakily and without a mighty helm to right the wheel of magistral majesty. I am indispensable, if I may say so. I learned that acting like a cross between a survivalist hillbilly and Howard Hughes is a sure method of ridding onesself of a troublesome spouse. And I learned that rats may seem friendly, but they are lying.
TW - Father, I must say I am taken aback by your meek appraisal of your many talents! What do you make of the scandalous behavior of Chris Martin in Las Vegas with that Hollywood hooch-Kate Boswell? Why must Chris Martin always go for those skinny, nerdy blonde-types-(this is a question that weighs heavily on the minds (if you would call it that) of many C:O:C: Girls.)
D - Remember, Chris Martin was a virgin well into his twenties, before he got lucky and went to town with the ladies. Perhaps that long, dry spell during the crucial hormonal period of youthful horniness made him yen for women that are non-threatening - like all these anorexic, flat-chested blondes. I don’t believe he would find a healthy, curvy, buxom C:O:C: girl attractive - he would be terrified! And as for the rumours that he once had a thing for Beyonce - that sista would crush Chris Martin to death with one thigh!
TW - Father Drobbingdon, it has been a pleasure to have this conversation with you today. May I say you exude a very charming demeanor and masculine confidence? Despite the religious vows you have taken, I find that the rumored “way with women” you are said to possess is alive and well. Is there a favorite C:O:C: girl that just might become the next Mother Drobbingdon?
D - Thank you, True Widow, for those kind words. I look in the mirror everyday and wonder how the many women in the Church can possibly NOT be overtaken by my charms? As such, there are certain C:O:C: women that I have “studied Coldplay lyrics” with, but at the advice of my divorce attorney I must refrain from discussing your question at this moment in time. However, Ms. Pamela DD has been a particular pleasure to be around. We have spent many an evening-late into the night, “discussing Coldplay metaphors” and I do believe I feel a “musical kinship” with this fine “C:O:C: artiste” developing.
TW - Father, thanks be to you again for your time here. I hope that the Church of Chris Martin appreciates and values you, as I do, and I wish you a bountiful Holiday and Happiest New Year.
D - Thank you, True Widow. May the Chris Be With You. Viva.
January 08 2010 | Church History and site news | 2 Comments »
