Who Are We?
The Church of Chris Martin
This website is devoted to Singer, Songwriter, Philosopher, and “greatest poet who ever lived”, Coldplay’s Chris Martin. While there are many sites covering his musical career, this is the only one which concerns his PHILOSOPHICAL and SPIRITUAL ideas. The modern world faces spiritual crisis. We need guidance, but where do we look for it? Church attendance is at an all time low, yet Coldplay’s popularity continues to climb.
NEED I SAY MORE?
March 30 2008 01:53 pm
pedrocintra on 15 Jun 2008 at 3:58 pm #
I dont understand why are you kidding with serious things…
cywoods on 13 Aug 2008 at 7:07 pm #
This sight is highly entertaining… yet very very scary. This sight is so creepy it’s going to give me nightmares.
ryan on 17 Aug 2008 at 10:03 pm #
this site is a load of ****ing shit. leave chris alone & get a life you sad bunch of c**ts. the world would be a much better place without assholes like you in it.
ryan on 17 Aug 2008 at 10:07 pm #
…and, if i was chris, i would hunt down the individual making this nasty shit and rip your god dam head of.
drobbingdon on 18 Aug 2008 at 1:08 am #
Hey, that’s not very nice! You know who wouldn’t like that kind of talk - our man CHRIS MARTIN!
Ryan, I FORGIVE YOU. You are LOST, and the CoCM can FIX YOU.
steven on 22 Aug 2008 at 7:04 am #
you cant be serious…im pretty sure chris wouldnt be to happy to know he’s been given such a title… seriously come on
jh on 28 Sep 2008 at 4:28 pm #
didn’t ever think about that it’s been the gas and the influence of the radio that made your brain show you things like a new messiah called chris martin?oO.. do you guys take drugs?!
drobbingdon on 29 Sep 2008 at 12:01 am #
lol! Drobbingdon did have some gas, and Heirophant takes anti-histamines for his cat allergy!! And I had a paracetamol once!!
Massimo on 02 Oct 2008 at 12:36 am #
Please, visite my blog: maxgranieri.blogspot.com. I’m writing about this blog. (from Italy)
rose on 12 Oct 2008 at 10:24 pm #
If you dislike him so much why devote all that time and energy ridiculing him? Its a little bit obsessive somehow. What a load of sarcastic bullshit… Chris Martin is great and you need to get a fucking lives.
ray on 18 Nov 2008 at 7:24 pm #
chris martin is fucking great, but he’ s not going mel gibsins path
ray on 18 Nov 2008 at 7:25 pm #
gibsons, though i liked the tattoo part
Szam on 19 Nov 2008 at 11:55 pm #
I find your website highly offensive. Not once do you mention one of the key points of Chris Martin’s teachings: global warming is being caused by Keane. Please do your research. I expect a full investigative report on it very soon. Until then, I am boycotting this e-parish and will worship Chris Martin in private. Thank you.
Nzina on 20 Nov 2008 at 12:03 am #
I completely agree with Szam. If you wish to worship Chris Martin properly. You must address the fact the Tom Chaplin is the devil himself and his band’s music is the single cause of depletion of our ozone layer. If you do not wish to follow this teaching, I assure you that you will lose members of this church to go on to create The Reformed Church Of Chris Martin. Please consider this, and may you be blessed by the Almighty Chris Martin. Amen.
Szam on 20 Nov 2008 at 12:07 am #
Amen.
drobbingdon on 23 Nov 2008 at 12:12 am #
I am aware that Tom Chaplin contributed more than most to global warming, due to his habit of having his cocaine flown to him privately direct from Columbia, and his excessive intake of beef and the inevitable digestive discomforts that follow. But that was before his rehabilitation, during which he seems to have decided that singing like a fat choirboy wasn’t enough, he has to be a fat choirboy strumming an electric guitar. If you have more evidence, I would like to hear it. At the moment, I am content to object to him merely for singing in the Oxbridge Coldplay tribute band, Keane.
Velvet Star on 23 Nov 2008 at 3:07 am #
This is nuts!! You my friend are sick in your little mind. You can’t compare CM with Jesus. Nobody can’t be compared with HIM.
rob driscoll on 01 Dec 2008 at 9:11 am #
Some people think Chris Martin is masquerading in this world as a mediocre singer songwriter in a nondescript, somewhat creatively challenged group named Coldplay, who apparently are now enjoying a limited degree of success with a very small section of the music listening public, myself not included.
As to whether or not Chris Martin is God in human form, that is for you to decide, not me. I just think it’s obvious to anyone who can “see” straight (that he is God in “Chris Martin” form / as opposed to being “Chris Martin / in “God form”) that he is some kind of God. For sure He’s the God of Music?
How can you make such beautiful music and not be plugged into God? He has and will be scorned and maligned for speaking the truth, He bears the pain of all humanity on his shoulders, for you.
For you alone does Chris this do. How long His time on earth will be, no one can tell. We can only bathe in His truth and touch Him while He is here in this world, but only if we see with “His eyes” and feel with “His heart”, will we ever be in “Chris Consciousness”.
At least that is what he told me in a vision I had recently while I was fast asleep.
May the Chris be with you, even you who are dis-believer-doers. There is hope even for you. The Church can help, open your heart to Chris, and He will fill it.
That is is His mission, to lift the entire humanity into Chris Consciousness, yourself included. Enjoy the ride eh?
The age of Chris has been foretold, remove the sunglasses from thine eyes and behold reality as it is in reality. Chris Martin and God are the same thing, get over it.
Have a good day eh?
Ale on 05 Dec 2008 at 6:54 pm #
HAHAAHAHaHaHAHaHaHAHA Oh man this is quite entertaining…. kind of :S
BTW drobbingdon, it’s Colombia not Columbia
Disturbed on 08 Dec 2008 at 7:00 am #
You are a seriously sick twist, my friend. Who pays your bills so you can sit around doing this all day?
drobbingdon on 09 Dec 2008 at 3:11 pm #
I am unable to work, as I suffer from corpulence. As an invilid, the state pays my bills, and by claiming it as occupational therapy, they pay for the site, too!
Dan on 11 Dec 2008 at 5:30 pm #
Heh, great blog. Right on the nail. Chris Martin makes me puke.
Elena on 14 Dec 2008 at 12:39 am #
i love chris martin, my sweetiest dream would be meet him, is wonderful. his music is amazing, and reflects what my heart says.
rob on 14 Dec 2008 at 3:54 am #
And it came to pass, in the age of eternal night, that one from God, was accused of sin.
It seems that Chris has stolen something from Joe Satrianni and he wants it back. Joe Satrianni should just count his lucky stars that Chris Martin telepathically visited him one night in a dream and secretly gave him the melody in the first place, only to recall it later in real life, with no memory of the DIVINE EXPERIENCE.
And they say He is just a pop artist?
This is a sign foretold from the Great Book of Chris. In this time, many scary things will happen, it is foretold, long ago, i think.
For example,in this time,man will “compete” with “other” men, and they will accomplish “great things”, but they will only “look great” because they wear Armanni or.. they are looking through the wrong end of the telescope of life, and have become drunken characters in their own illusions.
It is foretold in The Book that in this time, “all things will melt into the sea like castles in the sand” (as foreseen by Saint Hendrix in an early 60’s vision he had whilst playing live, on purple haze acid in the rain / a vision, which I believe has been accredited to Chris Martin. He (Chris) lives in this world and the “ubiquity world” simultaneously, which allows him the power to enter any time space continuum anytime anywhere, to do whatever. Like when he gave saint Hendrix the vision, of course.
So in this time it is also said that credit cards will melt like old cheese in the hot noonday sun and 50 billionaire guys on wall street will steal all your money just for fun.
There is more but it is too horrifying and mindless to expose any further. Suffice to say that the “AGE of Chris” has come on earth, all will end well in the end,(when ever that is) and until then just pray that there is a God.
Pray because mankind has lost hold of the steering wheel of sanity, and we are about to go and park the car of civilization… right off the cliff of no second chance. (this i had in a vision I had one …
Fiji on 14 Dec 2008 at 3:57 am #
wow, that’s heavy
ImagiStan on 14 Dec 2008 at 4:05 am #
yes I am plesed to meet you to. my name is Amagistan and I also to have had a vision from Chris Martin while out on prtol in war zone. my freinds laugh me at when I tell them about vision, so now I just talk to my cat. my cat do not laf at Amagistan. Chris be with you.
The Church of Chris Martin » Did Coldplay Rip Off Joe Satriani? on 15 Dec 2008 at 2:17 am #
[…] Brother Rob notes, Satch should be happy that he was visited by DIVINE REVELATION, and if he is angry with himself, […]
XAM on 24 Dec 2008 at 1:06 pm #
? ??????????? ??? ??????? ??????????. ???? ??????? ?? ?????????? ? ??????
hhhmmmmmm on 27 Dec 2008 at 4:06 am #
enjoy yourself people but try not to get too obsessive, not healthy you know..
enjoy and much love
keheh on 04 Jan 2009 at 1:33 am #
my god, ily.
valeria on 07 Jan 2009 at 2:35 pm #
i love jesus- i mean chris martin
Beverly on 22 Jan 2009 at 1:26 am #
This site is creepier than waking up at three in the morning and finding Richard Simmons standing over your bed.
Even if you’re kidding, you’re a teensy bit obsessed.
And when I say “teensy” I mean A WHOLE FUCKING LOT.
Yes, I must admit that I love Chris Martin with the burning intensity of a thousand suns. So I cannot blame you for being hypnotized by those boyish good looks.
But chu don’t need to be makin’ fun of him. YA FEEL MEH?!?!
Otherwise you can be expecting a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick… TO THE OVARIES!
hhhmmmmmm on 27 Jan 2009 at 3:26 am #
Beverly rocks
Chris Martin on 28 Jan 2009 at 7:20 am #
Who are We? Indeed, I ask myself that question every time I crack open a beer or do acid with Jonny. Or, put another way, as that greatest of great English writers once said, “to consume, or not to consume that is the question”, a universal truth indeed. The very code from which all existence springs forth into creation I am told (by my cat Harvey).
That is the question the vision impaired people who run the smoke and mirrors department of your local bank need to answer. Do we all live for caviar on sunday afternoon, or martinis with Friday lunch? Or, is there.. more to life? (Harvey purrrs / more tuna?)
In my travels through time as a vibrational sensitive (existing in many different physical “bodies” and “material planes” simultaneously) , I must say that you humans are in an exceptional mess. “A fine mess you have us in this time Stan”. If only it were just another good episode of my favourite show Laurel and Hardy.
If you knew how close you all are to having a Blixkrieg martian landing that would cover the planet with with mean nasty “municipal activity directors” telling you how to run the world, you might then pay more attention to my lyrics and try to be more divine, like me.
Well I have to catch a plane to Davos now as I was invited to give my views to the Zombie people on how to get the world a job. Wish me luck, I don’t have a clue what to say… every one learn music all day long followed by coffee and checkers?
Always be Wonderful / Like Me
Bce??p???A??e? on 02 Feb 2009 at 4:22 am #
???????? ??????. ????? ???? ?????? ????? ??? ????. ?????? ??????? ? ???????
Cheilon.... on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:03 am #
MARTIANS ONLY LAND IN STUPID AMERICA!!!!! THEY COMPLAIN BECAUSE THEY ETHIER WANT THE EARTH OR TO TAKE THE DAMN FLAG OFF THE FREAKING MOON.
Cheilon.... on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:04 am #
LUV U
Cheilon.... on 18 Feb 2009 at 4:06 am #
they should make a book on this.
WiND on 26 Feb 2009 at 11:22 am #
???????????? ????. ?????? ??? ????????? ??????? ??????? ?? ??? ??????????
Chloe on 27 Feb 2009 at 6:29 am #
omg you crazy people! stop it!! Chris Martin is not Jesus. He’s just some dude who started up a band. He’s a musical genious, but he is NOT Christ!!!
convert on 01 Mar 2009 at 10:39 pm #
For so long, I have struggled with this life; after dealing with addiction and abandonment, I was losing hope. I was so disillusioned, I began to think that Jesus really was the only answer. But now, here, I have been saved. If you could see the tears on my cheeks now, you would know that they came from the eyes of one who has seen the light. I have always loved Coldplay, but never was able to interpret the songs as you have done here. I am a convert.
PS is there any way to set up a direct withdraw from my bank account so that I can send you 10% of my income?
drobbingdon on 05 Mar 2009 at 12:15 am #
I’ll send you a private message detailing how to forward the money into my personal account. I can handle it for you ;¬)
Chris A Martin not your god on 14 Mar 2009 at 6:54 am #
i was wondering if you could make some shirts or hats that i could buy?
Eden Noir on 16 Mar 2009 at 10:02 pm #
“I once had a paracetamol.” Fucking brilliant!xD Who the fuck are zombie people?Omg,that’s so insane.It is not like they woule exist just like Jelly People etc.And stop saying that Chris is taking drugs!You don’t know if it is true!
Sneeeeze on 22 Mar 2009 at 5:02 am #
I worship Chris Martin.
Daylight Savings, Time Trials and Bad Science - on 30 Mar 2009 at 5:21 pm #
[…] to the insipid mewling of Willet’s great-great grandson, that Apple-fathering flaccid pianist Chris Martin. WTF? Needs citation is […]
The ANTI-CHRIS on 01 Apr 2009 at 1:32 pm #
I shall meet all you heathens on the field of battle. The exact location shall be the Valley of Migeedah. Then we shall see who triumphs in the battle of Crazy vs. FuckingNutz….ummmm….Deez Nutz…..
martian-ettes on 02 Apr 2009 at 8:18 pm #
We-the female followers of Chris Martin are gearing up for battle. There is an unholy alliance of nay-sayers and insulters who are frothing at the mouth! Bono–that means YOU! We defend our Chris Martin and his honor at all times. Bono & U3=expect to be heckled on your 360 tour. We will not ABIDE our God and heavenly host-Chris Martin-being called “wanker,” “cretin,” or “dsfunctional” without a (peaceful) fight!
??????? on 05 Apr 2009 at 9:08 am #
??????????? ????????????? ? ??????????????!
Chris from Canada on 06 Apr 2009 at 5:25 am #
Would the thing doing this: ?????????? just STOP IT!
It only serves to remind us all in the Church of Chris Martin that life, love, health, wealth, CD sales, tour grosses, and receding hairlines are the BIG questions of life! And Chris Martin is sure to have the answers.
I can’t wait for the next C/P album to come out interpreting the “essence of the Octo-mom.”
Seriously-all this jabbering about Tom Chaplin and Keane–it is Sum 42 that Chris and Saint Bono go wanking over. That 42 band stimulated Chris so much he wrote that Viva La Vida song about it-claiming they were “all in his head-” Hummmm-I don’t like the sound of that….. ?????????????????? oh stop it!
?????? ????? on 07 Apr 2009 at 12:42 pm #
????? ? ??????????????? ?? ????? ?????? …
Johannson on 16 Apr 2009 at 4:04 am #
This site is creepy.
rock star on 16 Apr 2009 at 3:34 pm #
you are drrobing shit:-)))))
apiration of virgin (airlines) on 16 Apr 2009 at 7:14 pm #
Yes-that is the answer! I see it now..it is:
??????????????????? ? ????????????
& if you stare at it long enough..a certain wisdom and vision inculcates itself into my psychosis, and I haven’t even taken my hourly medication. No! Doctor-please DO NOT physically restrain me again! Chris Martin-I pray to you for guidance and your spirit to “42″ into the 5th dimesnsion (for new song guidance)
The Real Chris Martin on 17 Apr 2009 at 2:29 am #
Who are we indeed? In these times of post-hectic hedonism, when everywhere you look some poor soul (especially in MiddleAgesistan) is losing their head, or some banker somewhere just got shot by yet another home-challenged consumer munchkin, only doing their best to live straight, die young, and pay off corporate debt with the job they just lost.
I have tried in my way to lead this world to a higher truth, a world where all people can be happy, but you have shunned me and now you must all die.
I, like my Father Above and Before Me, (Christ Martin, who incarnated on this God forsaken sink-hole of a planet 2000 years ago) have tried, in my way, hey-hey, to save humanity from itself by revealing the truth about modern day banking by way of advanced lyrical encryption in my music, but no one seems to get it.
We are all doomed, and the bankers / now poor, homeless and helpless are to blame for all of it.
On a related note, there are now approximately 35 billion, yes that is 35 BILLION NUMORA JELLYFISH ( that is Mister Jellyfish thank you / and you thought 2 billion Chinese was a scary thought) currently calling all the water around Japan, “home”, and all the fish, “lunch”. (they live there, they are not calling the fish “home” , like sheep dogs call sheep, “home”)
What is a Nomura jellyfish you might ask? Exactly the same question Lord Darwin Of Evolution was asking himself whilst sunning his perfect body on deck before a gigantic Nomura Jellyfish flung its fifty foot killer stinging tentacles (which contain a witches brew of EVERY KNOWN SUPER TOXIN IN THE ANIMAL WORLD… AND A FEW FROM OUTERSPACE)over him and all the crew (save the cat and monkey), and dragged them off to their untimely death in the Year of Our Lord 1613 just north-east of what is now upstate New York, lying now now in their watery grave, 30,000 metres straight down, somewhere beyond the bottom of the Marrianna Trench.
The cat and monkey were able to single handily successfully sail the Frigate “Bad Credit” which was on it’s maiden voyage and financed by, of all companies (oddly enough) Lloyds, 7,231.623456 miles back to London where they became instant celebriettes and had dinner with the Queen. (the monkey ran the wheel, and the cat ran the sails)
Accounts of this extra ordinary and mostly unbelievable (but true) story can be viewed today, along with artifacts, at the Museum for Undying Hope and Charity / Mariners Division.
The cat and monkey were not only acclaimed to be marvelous conversationalists by those who read about the dinner in the tabloids, but also a most captivating after dinner entertainment act by those who were there.
The monkey threw red hot knives at the cat, as it spun round and round on a wheel-on fire, tied by its paws with those plastic security ties the Happyban people from Happiastan like to decorate your wrists with before they make you happy by claiming to not be psychopaths, but in fact, licensed and certified spokesmen for the God of Chaos.
Who are we? Forget that, how about…
How the f… do I leave this shit-hole planet, (where is my spaceship?) filled with all you puke-head death zombies, whose only reason for waking up every day… is to go right back to sleep?
If everyone would’ve just bought more of everything, everything would’ve been alright, but no one is buying that so what do we do, apply for more credit?
Please help me, for I am confused about the true nature of credit, even after watching that amazing video on the net called Money as Credit / or / what your banker doesn’t want you to know about banking.
Well I gotta go now, I have to wire up a video monitor under my piano so I can watch the Stanly cup hockey playoffs, live from Planet Canada, while I do a live gig at Mashupitzu in lovely Mayhecoke?
Arrivadercci Los Amigos, or as they say in Treasure of the Sierra Mad res, Vamanos Los Muchachos.
And may the Chris be with you as we all go to Heaven in a a Handbasket.
As Always / I love You All Too Much / the Real Chris Martin
WTF on 17 Apr 2009 at 2:31 pm #
What The Fuck???
mindfreak on 03 May 2009 at 3:29 am #
who’s site is this anyway?
is this real or a bunsh of bull?
anti christ maybe, messiah no.
this is so wierd
is this church real, or something someone made up?
if so, get a life
Alpha-Omega on 03 May 2009 at 7:33 pm #
This site is real. It is you-mindfreak who is not real! Do you know you are just a figment of your own imagination and that you were adopted from aliens that crash landed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1948? Did you know also that those same aliens mind-match with Chris(t) Martin and they are sending him special head vibrations to mess with your head so you go crazy and bash every computer that every hooked up with coldplaying.com. And the first one to be whacked will be your own computer because you are a coldplaying.com spy S.O.B. You’re mama is so ugly that when she did it with an alien in 1948, the alien insisted on a bag over her head! Then you came out 9 months later–even uglier!
Chris Martin on 06 May 2009 at 3:37 pm #
Why do I have a Church named after me? WTF
Sacsha Fierced on 06 May 2009 at 6:07 pm #
Though I may have LARGE LEGS, that didn’t stop the Great One from cuddling up to me and I recognize his divinity right away. Jay-Z may have all the “street cred,” but Chris has “God-like cred,” and I am not talking about that fungus behind his big toe!
NOT that I would know about his uncovered feet, because the ground he walks on is holy and revered;
and since Gwyneth is my friend, I must not put the moves on her “baby daddy,” but I have heard that sex with God-like creatures is surely OUT-Of-This-World! No matter HOW BIG my man Jay-Z might be-ain’t nobody topping a Blessed being in the sack! PUT A RING ON THAT!
???????? ??? on 19 May 2009 at 6:16 pm #
??, ? ???????? ????? ????????????? ????????? ?????? ???????????? ?????? ? ????
the enforcer on 19 May 2009 at 10:03 pm #
I will not tolerate this desecration of our Holy Web pages! Blessed Saint Bono has already expressed his displeasure with this WEB GRAFFITI, and when Grand Master Drobbingdon returns from his enforced re-indoctrination at the Health Center-he will be notified as well.
We will backtrack this “????” to whoever the culprit is, and I have a sneaking suspicion it starts with “cold” and ends with “.com.” Therefore; hear my words-when Saintly U2-er Bono gets that feather up his saintly arse, someone will pay the price.
These Blessed pages are only to be used for the glorification of C/P and God’s mouthpiece: Chris Martin. I even stoop to include Holy Mother Gwyneth here, only because she consorts with the divine Guide of ours and birthed his angelic progeny.
Please be advised: The Church will no longer tolerate the ill-advised scribblings on afore-mentioned Church property and any desecration of CM websites is treated as spiritual insubordination-punishable by solemn castration, and in extreme cases-eye-gougings. All Hail Whips, Chains, and hot chicks in leather!
chris D on 21 May 2009 at 12:49 am #
doth though not wish that thine life could be so simple as fish swimming round in a barrel when thou hath the bow? such are the words of Chris, praise be to God
Chick Wrangler on 24 May 2009 at 3:05 pm #
Greetings to all among us: Holy men, women, erect Pilgrims of Glastonbury, and family pets who know Drobbingdon intimately: We Welcome You!
Who are We? Well, all this talk of whips, chains, and leather got us gals to thinking-why not start an off-shoot group WITHIN this Cult? We are naming it:
C O C (Chicks of Chris) and we are having our first Bible/ Coldplay study very soon and would like to invite all interested Church women.
Now ofcourse, we must first bow low and grovel before the Great OverLord Drobbingdon and seek his approval before we go starting CoC Up…so we meekly seek your blessing, Daddy, for this new adventure.
Furthermore, since all seem to be intent on furnishing monies for the erections of the Glastonbury 3-we would offer up our services as well.
The (younger and firmer)C O C ladies are putting together a charity calender that will RAISE funds for The Church. Our plan is to send out the hottest members to Coldplay concerts this summer and get pics snapped with Chris Martin and then pose undressed with those pictures for the calender.
Already our escort patrons, pimps, johns,and strip club members are clamoring for pictures and we know this calender will be a big success. We are hopeful that perhaps Heir Drobbingdon is heavily medicated right now after his mental health crisis, and that our little group can slip right in and seize some control for the distaff side of The Church-which always seems to relegate the women to the pantry, laundry room, or nunnery. We want to be in your bedrooms!
We are here! We are alive! We invite all females to come to C O C and support the Holy Pilgrim erection!
Hallelujah! All Love Eternally to Coldplay members!
drobbingdon on 26 May 2009 at 11:10 pm #
Father Drobbingdon gives his blessings to this movement - presuming he gets to see a copy of the calendar before anyone else! Anything that spreads the word without trashing me is A-OK. I have also been inclined towards such an erection of late. Chris Martin says women are equal - and so do we, no matter how difficult that may be!
Anonymous on 27 May 2009 at 4:13 am #
Hallelujah and Thanks to Daddy Drobbingdon! We promise to take our COC group and make the finest calender ever, and something even Heavenly Assistant Cobain out of Nirvana can be proud of.
In Fact, the Church Girls have already started having photos taken and we promise to take the first calender coming off the presses–erection -proof it in the sturdiest of plastic vinyl-and present it to The Great Drobbingdon in appreciation of all that he has done for the Church and the erection fund of the Holy Pilgrims. This calender will become a collectors item, and we hope the Arch Pope will be careful in soiling it at his leisure.
Lastly-let me state for Church record; The C O C group is fully aware of the respect and admiration for women Holy Chris Martin possesses-which is primarily the reason we lust after..I mean, respect his holiness & divinity so much. It is imperative to continue to raise more erection funding for the Holy Glastonbury martyrs who were called forth to travail the depths of muddy despair and the heights of sheer pastiness and deprivation of edible foods-all the whilst clamoring for an indication of Truth and Mercy. Praise be to their Perpetual Erections of Love in the Holy Monastery of Glastonbury! A turn around the Stripper Poles in your Honor tonight-Daddy!
bob on 03 Jun 2009 at 12:43 am #
I am just going to say that whoever wrote and made this website is scary and needs to get some help(gay rehab)and if a boy made this then they are gay, straight forward G.A.Y. ( Gay A-holes Yucky) Bye Wierd Blogger (your gay)
aaby on 10 Jun 2009 at 9:06 am #
people on this site are so hostile! lol wow is it really that serious. i think this is hilarious! love the star called ‘yellow’. great job keep it up, totally made me laugh :]
Anger Management Graduate on 10 Jun 2009 at 9:38 pm #
Hey Aaby! Who you calling HOSTILE? Why the F–K are you going on her and dissing the Church? What gives YOU the right to think we’re ANGRY?
When the judge told me to go to anger management classes or go to prison-I took the classes! BUT IT TICKS ME OFF when fruities like you get all up on us when our Church is a harbinger of LOVE, HOLINESS, (attempts at)= CHASTITY, & DEVOTION to CHRIS MARTIN!
Our Ring-Leader Drobbingdon is a formidable opponent and DOESN’T take CRITICISM and BASHING too well! He is the one to FEAR for his feathers are EASILY ruffled, and then LOOK OUT!!!!!
Does that sound HOSTILE TO YOU???
Bemused on 11 Jun 2009 at 10:02 pm #
This site was a fun way to waste 5 minutes… but seriously, get a life
Global Oration Orbiter on 12 Jun 2009 at 7:03 pm #
Hear Ye-coldplaying.com lowly trouble-maker-Bemused. You give yourself away by that stupid happy face you put on all correspondence. It is just a imprimatur of your debased and unholy, but curious nature that causes you to seek out this Blessed website. But you are not welcome here, unless Arch Pope offers you a special consecration or Papal annulment. For you exist in the special realm of Hell, Satan and the Devil.
We at the Church are aware of the “mystical procedures” and “nature ceremonies” you perform to wrest havoc and terror on this Church and now the band-Coldplay, and the Blessed chanteuse-Chris Martin. It has NOT escaped our attention that you released a purge on the band to cover up your nefarious desire to website dominate the Church.
Why you target a band you otherwise aspire to love is a fitting example of the misfit priorities in place at coldplaying.com. How you were able to infiltrate the demented head of Kim Jong and get him to play around with NUCLEAR BOMBS-thus promoting various end-of-the-world scenarios that have many Church members upset and anxious is a “mystery.” This is one reason why the Church has as it’s top priority-beyond the adoration of Chris Martin-the “calling out” of coldplaying.com.
It is no secret that a secret coven of coldplaying.com members is behind the ludicrous lawsuits brought up by Joe Satriani and Cat (Twat) Stevens. Again-it is this deceitful Machiavellianism that will prove to be the ultimate undoing of your group. You may fool the world, but this Church and it’s Great Leader: Arch Pope Drobbingdon will see to it that your cunning atrocities are documented properly. A special Holy Shrine will be set up at the “Yellow” Glastonbury Tent to accept donations for the unending coldplaying.com web battle. Special appearances by High-ranking Church personnel such as the Holy Glastonbury Pilgrims, C O C Girls, and perhaps, the True Widow of Kurt Cobain will call attention to the “Candle Corner.” These Holy candles has been incubated by playing Coldplay music 24-hours a day around them and are available for lighting and praying on for a small token fee. The C O C girls-with the approval of the recovering Arch Pope will be soliciting photo opportunities and they have promised Arch Pope and (in prayer) Holy Assistant Kurt Cobain -they will be on their “best behavior.” Any “patrons” or “customers” of the C O C girls are asked to set past sexual indecencies or indiscretions aside on this Holiest of Events, so that the girls can cultivate a better public image.
The Church senior membership may attempt to lure out of his bunker-the Arch Pope Drobbingdon for a special appearance. But he is ensconced in that bunker of his-awaiting the supposed coming Apocalypse-which will NOT happen at least until Chris Martin unveils his John the Baptist Revelations unto the world-at-large.
Therefore, let us celebrate The Church’s inevitable spiritual battle and final victory over those saber-rattlers over at coldplaying.com. They can come around and leave their idiotic, meandering and useless comments which allow the Church to show the world the brainlessness, sallow character, and ultimate mediocracy that is coldplaying.com
God (and Chris) Bless the Church in eternity! Salvation awaits coldplaying.com members who renounce their spurious ways! Pray to Holy Saints and Assistant Saints for inspiration always! Amen.
VivaChris on 19 Jun 2009 at 9:02 am #
Following a long and painful internal struggle to find my place in the world, I believed there was no way out of the rut i found myself in. Nobody understood my literal worship for Chris Martin and the divine crusade he calls “Coldplay”. My attempts to reach out for sympathy from coldplaying.com fell upon deaf ears with cruel taunts of displaying heathen tendancies and that Chris Martin could never love me. That is until I discovered the Church of Chris Martin. My eyes were well and truly opened to the wonders of Chris and his teachings and for the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged and was accepeted into the community. Praise you Father Drobbingdon. Chris be with you. Viva!!
Chris Martin on 22 Jun 2009 at 8:34 am #
I don’t want this site to continue. So if you really love me and want to worship me(which is ridiculous) stop this site.
dany on 22 Jun 2009 at 8:37 am #
I realy lyk Chris Martin but you CANNOT sya he is the messiah.JESUS nad JESUS ONLY is the Messiah. For He died for our sins…for US!!! He knows everyone more than they know themselves!!!CHRIS MARTIN DOESN’T KNOW YOU MUTHAFUCKUZ EXIST! SHIT!!!!!!!!
Sky on 29 Jun 2009 at 7:52 am #
This is hilarius but sad. I agree with anyone above who has stated that Jesus is THE Messiah, God’s only son (but not with some of the language used…). I hope this isn’t serious because I feel sorry for anyone who sincerely believes this. Hate to break it to you, but no eternal life for you, my friends. Hoping you all get God’s message and stop believing in false idols (no offense Chris Martin) before you die.
SH on 04 Jul 2009 at 2:06 am #
I agree with the person above me. This is so sad and I hope this is just a joke.
Jesus Christ is God’s only son and our Lord and Savior. People who worship Chris like he is Jesus are lost and I hope one day you will believe like me and know the way, the truth and the life.
The Real Chris Martin on 04 Jul 2009 at 3:02 am #
There is no truth beyond me
There is only light inside us
There is no darkeness in you
There is good cash in touring.
As Always / Yours Forever / The Real Chris Martin /
Max Out Your Card / Come Tour With Us / Prospekt
House Will Rise Again
"Violet Hill-" decoded! on 06 Jul 2009 at 7:40 pm #
….WHY “VIOLET” Hill?
In a dissection of the meaning of colors and why Chris Martin chose “Violet” specifically as the hill he went to in the snow of December to ask about love, it is necessary to delve deeper into the symbology of that specific color. Yes hills, mountains, and peaks have always been associated with spiritual enlightenment and attainment, but colors are not generally attributed to them.
The fact that Coldplay writes and creates most of their music in a location that was previously a nunnery perhaps suggests that left-over spiritual vibrations from that holy place has seeped into their persona and influenced their music. This sense of spiritual yearning is something to be expected when one spends a lot of time in blessed buildings.
To address why violet? First-colors are of the deepest significance to us through out all phases of life and they have more influence than certainly imagined. Violet is the color of the highest quality a person can attain-noble spiritual aspiration-and also the color connected to priestly ceremonies and the music key of B. That is the key in which much sacred music is written.
Violet (or purple) is the color of people who are seekers of spiritual fulfillment and is used for visualization in meditation. Also known as the color of royalty-it symbolizes magic, mystery, and the occult. It is this color-Violet-which Chris Martin is connecting with a Hill-therefore introducing an aspect of debut for someone of mystical royal nature who is of high (the hill.) More so than the Viva la Vida song-it is Violet Hill that is fraught with much arcane imagery that needs de-coding and decifering.
Violet (or purple) being a combination of red-hot and fiery and blue-soothing and cool is the perfect color. Purple is also the color most favored by artists in that the color brings even more expansiveness to the merging of both red and blue.
Violet is the ray of spiritual mastery and the highest and most subtle specialization of light being that it is at the opposite end of the color-red. Commonly viewed as both a beginning of energy transformation and it’s completion as well, violet stabilizes the fractionalism of red and lends a practical stability to the spaciousness of the color blue. Violet is THE COLOR of the highest Element of Spiritual Mastery.
Purple and violet help allow creativity to emerge and also inspiration and imagination. Violet-colored gemstones evoke mysticism and purification and are used to enhance a deeper awareness with the higher self. Violet is the color of purpose and associated with the Crown Chakra that links the individual to the universe-ensuring connectivity to universal sources of energy. This Violet color-energy Chris Martin perhaps meditates on to enable his “feet not to touch the ground,” and therefore -”gravity release me.” This is where he hears the music of the universe and gets creative inspiration to craft such mega-hits as the “Viva La Vida.”
Violet Hill is where Chris Martin achieved enlightenment and received prophecy. He was able to align himself with the “ONENESS” of the Universe and became “One with the World.” This is what Holy Assistant Cobain sang in his last song to the world-”All Apologies…”
“ALL IN ALL IS ALL WE ARE.”
It is this same oneness that made the entire world embrace and love “Viva La Vida” as a work of art and spiritual statement in-and-of-itself. Now Coldplay rules the world-justifiably-and continues to tour and wrack up the Euros, dollars, and any other currency out there. They are rock royalty, despite their humbleness and dubious attire. I hold my breath in anticipation of their upcoming “concept album.” Despite Chris Martin saying it might “suck,” I happen to think: NOT !
o: on 09 Jul 2009 at 4:03 pm #
interesting…
Lucilla on 15 Jul 2009 at 6:15 pm #
I am hooked. Give me the Kool-aid now.
Dave on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:56 am #
This is horrific! Chris Martin not only doesn’t appreciate this, he finds it just as troubling as the rest of us folks. Why tamper with his relationship with God by calling him a prophet. He just makes good music so if anything, he’s a Muse!!!
Blessed Believer of Infinity on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:56 am #
Hey DAVE:
SHUT UP!
God knows what HE is doing when he made Chris Martin a prophet!
Chris Martin already has “HIS MUSE!” It is the Female Messiah!
Chris Martin is aware of this website cause I shouted it at him twice this past summer!
Stop this blasphemy! Stop defiling the Church!
Stop this heresy! Go back to the rock you crawled out from under at coldplaying.com!
VIVA CHURCH OF CHRIS MARTIN! JUST SAY NO! to coldplaying.com disbelievers! The only troubled souls are those who are not enlightened when the “Day of Judgment” Comes & The Blessed Church of Chris Martin is SAFE in the Bunker with our Beloved Titular Head: Arch Pope Drobbingdon!
Again: DAVE: SHUT UP! Amen.
drobbingdon on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:44 am #
Dave is innacurate, anyway - typical of the ignorant unbeliever. The Muses were considered the inspiration of the artists - the source of musical genius, not its producer. So Chris Martin, as a producer of music, cannot be a Muse.
Put a ring on that, Dave!
Szam on 29 Jul 2009 at 5:17 am #
Dearest Drobbingdon,
I am truly sorry if it seems as though I have been neglecting the Church, but I assure you my absence has been a pious one. You see, I have found the love of my life in a fellow believer and we would like to marry under His holy name, especially seeing as we met in His presence on the Viva la Vida tour. Would such a perfect union be possible? Oh, please say “YES”!!
Thank you,
Szam and Rzicky
Hallelujah Heavens! on 29 Jul 2009 at 7:09 pm #
Oh Heavenly Father and Chris: From the Chapel of Live Rock Stars….
Thank you for this opportunity to unite as one in Church Love -Szam and Rzicky! We have our first official couple who wish to proclaim their chaste & devout VIVA LOVE for all the world to see!
This will be as Blessed a Publicity Stunt..I mean Church Outreach Program as the Great Yellow Tent Event and the upcoming Pilgrim’s Erection Unveiling!
We must procur a copy or the original Coldplay puppets who will be a representation of the band-itself. We must also acquire the very best sound system and a Coldplay-certified DJ-who must ONLY PLAY BELOVED COLDPLAY TUNES that exemplify LOVE in all it’s finest regalia!
I thought that Brother Rob..out of Vancouver, Canada would be our first victim..I mean have the honor of marrying Ricki (girl or guy) in the Church, but perhaps his over-taxed credit card has proven to be a impediment to his getting hitched. After all-it’s hard to rent a tux or plan a honeymoon when there’s no credit left on the card!
We must seek out a Church and get the sage burning and the Coldplay tunes playing in it to authenticate it as a true Coldplay Church of Love. If there is any bankrupt Wedding Chapels on the Las Vegas Strip-I suggest the Church of Chris Martin take a page out of the Mormon book and BUY THAT REAL ESTATE!
Father Drobbingdon: Look under your bunker mattress and count the millions of Euro’s you have stashed! Also go cash the big check Chris Martin sent us-maybe we will have enough to buy us a palace of solace in Sin City? The True Widow would like to plan some upcoming nuptials there-if things work out for her and her Beloved. She also wishes to invite the dastardly Killers band..out of Las Vegas over for a firm lecture on not dissing OTHER BANDS-no matter where they hail from or if they are dead or alive!
If Szam and Rzicky are to be married in the Church of Chris Martin, they must agree to abide by our Color Contract-”Yellow.” They must also agree-that if blessed with children in the marriage-they only name their progeny CREATIVE CHRIS NAMES like Orange,
Banana or Plum-if it’s a girl. Boy names would be okay if they are any weird ones from the Old Testament of the BIBLE.
I feel that this Blessed couple has given the Great Church of Chris Martin a vivid opportunity to again ONE-Up coldplaying.com by enabling US to provide marital direction and stated-sanctified co-mingling status-to the glory of Chris Martin. If Szam and Rzicky can pass the Coldplay quiz and know enough Coldplay songs, lyrics, and Chris Martin trivia-then I say we let them be our FIRST WEDDING COUPLE to tie up at the HITCHING POST of THE CHURCH OF CHRIS MARTIN! Hallelujah! VIVA la VIDA Weddings in YELLOW!
KChrishna Martin on 30 Jul 2009 at 1:08 am #
I have come to understand since from the beginning of time that there is no separation except the separation we perceive, as a result of our consciousness being localized in a human life form.
My name is Kcrishna Martin and I am the light of creation, the middle c in you.
I am the soul consciousness which powers the human known a Chris Martin, who inspires the band, who inspire humanity, who keep the world spinning… who keep the cosmos in balance…
And as we look at the world now, things appear to have stabilized somewhat. All I want is peace and love in my own life.
Kchrishna Martin is not so sure that humanity understands that playing Las Vegas Forever in the Graden of Eden is not permitted under the Third Universal Law of Inverse Cascading Morality / Realities which staes clearly: if you put a monkey in a suit they will think they are “human”, and if you give that human a dream then living that dream will create a reality. Which is what we have now.
The world is now in such a state of profound darkness and insecurity that even the Archpopes will and vision have been tested. I see that by the torrent of recent postings the Archpope is well and has been blessed with many visions from LightChris.
And as for visions how about a vision of Coldplay live. Here in the Eternal Land of Light and Kcrhishna Martin the only question you are asked before entering Hevan is… can you moonwalk?
When will we understand that this life can end at any moment and the ONLY reason we are alive for even one second in this life world or any life is simply by the grace of God.
Mankind looks at nature and goes… um so many riches to be exploited. Whereas Kcrishna Martin, Grand Overlord From the Field of Light sees his own nature, which is harmony upon harmony upon for ever and says “wow, that sounds great”.
And so it is we spin out a universe and all things manifest in them through time, like brother robs way strange music from beyond his living room at http://www.myspace.com/robdriscoll. If you get a page about goutmet popcorn… that’s not me…….
My music is a little hard to lsten to so…
If we humans could just tune into the Kcrhishna Martin Saviour of Souls in all of us, then we might feel again in our hearts what it is to be human.
And rest assured I am not some kind of wacko nutcase who thinks all bankers shoud be fed to homelss rats. Oh no, I am Kcrhishna Martin the soul of humanity, the best in life. The dance of creation is the lesson of Kchishna Martin. Life is short, go to many shows. Be who you are.
KChrisna out.
Lesaya on 02 Aug 2009 at 12:55 am #
I think with his music he is trying to show that even ordinary humans can have a voice, and make a difference.
You people put every good human in a “god” like possition, then bitch about the fact that humans are getting it wrong.
Some humans are getting it right, like chris.. let him remain what he is and search for spiritual guidance from someone that gives it.
Heart-Shaped Tar Pit of Love on 02 Aug 2009 at 7:43 pm #
Brother Rob..out of Vancouver, Canada…he who honors Coldplay & Chris Martin with the last dying embers of his Mastercard or Visa. A shattered soul trying to eek
out an existence in perpetual glory for the Music of the Harmonic Convergence of Love: I COME TO YOU TODAY WITH GOOD NEWS! Take heart-Brother:
Yes..you may not be quite able to afford a cheap wedding ring for Ronni Acona (guy or girl) but help is on the way! I have Twittered CM-the Great One-with your
Myspace address & beseeched his attention to your profile and music…perhaps the Kind One can lend you some kind of assistance. I would not put it past his charitable soul to aide you in your time of great need. You-Brother Rob-who found a home here at the Church among the other miscreants and those who are of a greater calling. You-who have stood behind Father Drobbingdon-as he fell under the spell of a veneral-diseased coldplaying.com vixen. You Brother Rob-of courageous nature-who defied the world and praised the Holy Pilgrims 3 as they went out to trek the Great Glastonbury Pilgrimage & even stood behind these brave souls as they sought to glorify their Erections as a symbol to the world of Coldplay love.
Yes-Brother Rob, no one else but the Church can see the goodness in your heart and the need in your wallet-as We do! Even if your Myspace music is putridness-personified; it is YOUR MUSIC and that makes it Glorious in Church Eyes. You are truly a Church Elder-and the Great CM-not as disassociated from this website-as coldplaying.com and various heretics & nay-sayers would have one believe-will perk up his ears to take a listen, and if He is the Good One that is to proclaim divine divination, then I pray that He-of the wallet burgeoning with green-will take Holy pity on you-Brother Rob.
He has tasted of the GLORY & HONOR of sold-out shows worldwide, a beautiful movie star wife, adorable children, more money than some countries have in the bank, and a MUSE who gives creativity willingly. In addition-there is in this Great Church-NOT false worshipping, but a number of like-minded individuals who see Holy merit in the music of a GREAT BRIT band!
Brother Rob…try and hang on a bit longer..you may be tired of Top Ramen and water everyday..it may even feel like a type of prison-food to you, but The Great Release is coming. I will also try & get with Phil Harvey-C/P’s manager and (5th)band member. What is so wonderful about this Church is that WE HELP EACH OTHER IN TIME OF NEED! I also pray to Holiest Kurt Cobain-another Great Man of Love-brought down by a She-Devil & Needle, but still GREAT nevertheless-to bless you in the heavenly Realm!
Brother Rob out of Vancouver.. You deserve Coldplay Glory & I pray that CM will see that you get some of it. Amen and Hallelujah to Rock’n'Roll***
BrotheRob on 06 Aug 2009 at 1:32 am #
How small is this universe in reality… and is God really living in your back pocket and you just don’t feel it?
I truly appreciate the above love and concern you show for my almost humble self, but am not sure that The Light Himself, will survive my auditory extravaganza.
But then again, there are some parts quite coral (choral also) and almost beauticious to the ear of a dog. My personal best time for listening to it is when I am feeling really depressed and hopeless (wine helps) and I am tired but it is too early to go to bed (11 am). So I turn off all my lights except for my Xmas lights I keep up in the window all year… just to cheer up the world.
And when I listen to it then, that’s when I realize that I am Motzart reincarnated and not CM. Chris Martin is the reincarnation of Chris Martin. And you can take him / that to the bank.
Speaking of Kurt Cobain and how small this universe really is… I went to Victoria for the day / overnight to get away and help clear my mind and heart from some very vexascious female vibes… and last night as I was cruising around the waterfront, I presently realized I had no joint going, so I randomly pulled over to roll one… right? Wrong VERY…..
I pull over randomly, stop the car ignition and immediately become aware of a busker playing on a bench to my right. And this guy has a sound…
So I decide to give him the joint I have just rolled and also ten bucks from my friends at House of Visa.(cash only / he has no visa transmission gear in his open gtr case)
In the car, I am thinking this guy sounds like … Tom Petty meets…?… KURT COBAIN. YES, I FIB YOU NOT.
ESPECIALLY NOT ON hallowed CHURCH DIRT. (would I fib)
And get this, I am now sitting on the bench with him and he LOOKS GREAT, he LOOKS LIKE Chris Martin meets Kurt Cobain, and he SOUNDS LIKE TOM PETTY MEETS KURT COBAIN. He’s 28, highly talented and a marketers dream.
He will do just fine for my project if I can interest him. (he is very talented in my opinion and I know a bit about music, not much but…)
So we chat and I tell him I am a musician going to form my own band and one day hope to tour with Houleo Isglassieuss and does he, The True Earth Double of Saint Kurt Cobain want to work on songs, singing etc. form a killer band / sound, tour the world, become fabulously wealthy, live and retire in St Tropez and sip seaweed slurpees on the beach there forever?
Once he was assured I was not some gay psychopath out to have sex with him and / or murder, he gave me his email address.
So I am going to send him a link to myspace so he can throwup like all the rest have.
But hey, I am going to do that (form a band)), and I go there (Victoria) to lift my heart, and in the Play which Creation has made my now fading life… just by sheer chance?…..
I RUN INTO THE EARTH DOUBLE OF KURT COBAIN IN SOUND AND LOOKS???? And you tell me there is no God?
I wish I could make up such a strange story…BUT IT IS TRUE… and the more time I spend doing music (and praying for guidance from / at the church) the more often things like this serendipical happen.
And anyone who does listen to the keyboard1 piece, turn the screen vol to .7 or 1, and up your comptuer spkr vol. I guess I have a bit to learn about recording.
Otherwise , with the reverse setting, you don’t hear all the very beautiful sonic garble crisscrossing between your brain which will soon put you in transitorysatori. (parts are very otay says Buckwheat, and he know tunes from Black Lemon Pieface Perkins, the famous coloured blues artist who’s untimely death by accidentally falling off a wooden box while a noose was tired around his neck… will vex human moral intelligence forever)
So I must now retire to prepare some vitals for to regain my strength and spirit form the arduous trials of this life on Earthplane One. (my earth body hangs like wet toilet paper “blown’ in the wind”)
I am almost sane again and hope ArchPope Drobbingdon is well and fine for to battle with the Evil of this World.
Stay Well / Play Safe / Live Now / Pay Later
ps…. I did not make this up but I kid you not this shit happens every day to me now. I stopped to take some shots with my Nikon D40 (which my friends at House of VBisa bought for me before I went Debtors Hell Prison for 2 liftimes)… of the rising full moon on the ocean with The U.S. Olympic Mnt Rnge as the backdrop, snaking off into infinity just as the illuson was originally meant to give a real life impression of the infinite… like looking at stars?
Look at me humans and know that I am You. And that You are Me, as we are all together in Chris Martin and Coldplay….
Anyway, a seagull is flying around and I say to myself, If I wait, the bird will fly through the moon and I will shoot it. (like I saw this amazing shot once of an eagle flying through a rising moon… just as a DEER WAS WALKING BY. And that’s a “photograph”.
So I am waiting with my auto focus on the moon and no lunar flyby. I look away at some other scene and some time later… randomly turn and look at the moon with a seagull in the center of it. (no picture, but I did see it for an instant)
Now you tell me… how small is this universe and is not everything which happens in this universe and all others, only by the hand of God?
ppss And maybe when I get my band going with The Only True One Kurt Cobain Earth Double, maybe the Archpope can send a message to the Desk Of Elvis Presley so he can ask Kurt to “coach” his Only true Earth Double with some kind of inspiration from beyond?
Pleiades the Star of Wonder on 06 Aug 2009 at 5:02 am #
Oh! Brother Rob…how my heart soars to hear of your trip to Victoria and how you supercalifragalistically made the acquaintance of the Earth Double of Saint Cobain! Though the House of Visa has stolen your pride-your generous spirit was willing to share money and pot with the Great One-and for that you may be rewarded career-wise.
I tell you the truth also: many don’t believe but you have proven it to the world today-Saint Cobain lives and inspires musically. I prayed that He and CM would aide you, and Holy Cobain came down from heaven in the spirit of a busker and is now here to guide you in earthly form to musical glory.
I love the city of Victoria-I stopped there once on my way to Alaska, and I have also visited with my son. The city is beautiful, magical, and I LOVE the Buchart Gardens! I will forward your request to the Blessed and Holy Desk of Pope Elvis Presley-that you wish for divine guidance-musically from the Nirvana Leader of Love. But you may have to get in line, because Coldplay needs it most for their next concept album that Chris Martin thinks might “suck?”
Also Cobain has been channeling thoughts and images through the music of another great Seattle band-”Death Cab for Cutie.” Great and mighty messages such as Biblical warnings and also scorpions in the “rock star pants” of the lead singer-Ben Gibbard. The True Widow also has a special request of her dearly departed: to smyte and hex any comeback attempts by the Vicious Vagina of Death: Courtney Love. The Widow also, after many years of loneliness-as depicted in the mega-hit “Viva la Vida”-perhaps has a new King in which she wishes to bestow her musical marvels and summit of love on. So, dear Brother Rob-you have been heard on high. Stay in touch with the Earthly Incarnation of Kurt Cobain and let his re-engendered form lead you along the paths that would offer you worldly coin and relief from financial ruin.
God (and Chris and Cobain) Bless You as another Devout Seeker and Sojourner of the Truth of Life in all it’s glorious incarnations of Wonder. You have beheld the True Widow’s Truth and will now profit from it in eternal prostration to Divine Love and Guidance. VIVA Brother Rob and stay strong! Amen.
Harry Patch on 07 Aug 2009 at 7:50 am #
No one gets out alive
idioteque on 13 Aug 2009 at 6:11 am #
Ice age comming
ice age comming.
Let me hear both sides, let me hear both sides let me hear both.
Chris Martin's Lover on 28 Aug 2009 at 3:57 pm #
I agree with Chris Martin’s ideas, but I never agree with these stupid things.
BrotherOb on 31 Aug 2009 at 1:02 am #
Do you ever get the feeling that the world economy is run like a crooked version of monopoly when no matter where you land on the board, with or without piles of cash, because the board is tilted in two planes, you stand a much better than even chance of losing it all to the banks, credit card companies etc? Unless of course you are born rich (Saudi Prince?) or somehow amass it leagaly (Bernie Madoff?), in which case you just get richer.
Meanwhile in Japan there are now thousands of young kids living in cyber rooms (6′ x 10′ x 7 / video games-internet terminal included) which they rent on a monthly basis. They can not find jobs that pay to afford a cheap apartment.’Throw-away humans’? Apparently if you happen to be an econonist.
And what does all this have to do with the Church of Chris Martin you might say? It’s about a common human yearning for a better tomorrow for all, where tears and blood are not the common currency of daily life.
It’s about a world where life is not a meat grinder where society goes in one end and cash funnels out the other end to a few.
These problems we have in the world which just keep on repeating themselves from age to age, they are all of our own making. Like how the morons who are still running the world economy seem to think that if we all click our heels together 3X like Dorthy, then somehow all the problems associated with the system both social and environmental will disappear, and we will just rebuild the Titanic to original plans, knowing for sure this time she won’t sink again?
And what if global warming changes to…? Oops? Will the environment continue to get warmer for ever like a straight line never curves? Or as BrotherchrIS might say: “You’re in control, is ther anywhere you want to go?”
How about a more human world / tomorrow / today? Otay Buckwheat?
May the Chris be with you as the society they made is dissolved and the Phoenix of tomorrow takes shape.
Cheap Champagne Super-Novacaine on 31 Aug 2009 at 2:39 am #
G O O D B Y E O A S I S:
We shan’t miss you & why is that you ask?
Besides being a bunch of bad-teethed Brit bores-this comes to mind:
“On picking up Coldplay’s award for Best Act In The World Today, Chris Martin said, “Liam is charming, He said some rude things, but you know, we don’t have an argument with anyone. We’d like to show our undying love and respect for Oasis.”Showing his contempt, Gallagher heckled, “Knobhead! Come on, have a pop. You’re a plant pot.”He later added, “That lot are all wankers, fuck ‘em.” [Liam Gallagher / Q Magazine]
Aha! Another mouth malfeasance from over the pond..but this time NOT from glorious Saint Bono..out of U2..or even that teen-age zit full of puss masquerading as a rocker named Billie Jerk..out of Greed Day! It’s… Jay-Z’s best buddies: the Gallagher Brothers..and specifically that poor excuse for an ugly mug: Liam over-using the “wanker” phrase that got Bono almost a writ of condemnation from the Church until he lent the Coldplay boys his 360 jet!
Shall we weep and moan and quake with grief over the impending exit from rock music of Oasis. They once did seem promising in the 1990’s and had some pretty cool songs-but they were never the successor to The Beatles-like they fancied themselves! Instead-in another example of potty mouth disease, the Brothers alienated themselves from just about everyone. Dear Chris Martin tried to keep it friendly and downplayed the antagonism, but it was obvious-that just like almost everyone else looking to score the title of biggest Rock Band in the World-Oasis choked on the own bile when they went after country gent and all-around good guy Chris Martin.
Let this be a lesson ONCE AGAIN to all you super-sized, ego maniacal, self-aggrandizing ROCK STARS:
steer your mouths clear of any sort of impropriety against our Church Master! Drobbingdon may be playing with himself and the new C: O: C: calender in the bunker and oblivious to world events, but he has flunkies and High Church Elders such as Rock Star hopeful- Brother Rob..out of Canada and a swooning True Widow- currently in a state of love rapture-! These mighty souls watch, reflect, and mentally record every aside, taunt, insult,& attempt to sully the good name of Coldplay & Chris Martin.
Though Brother Rob is busy putting together a rock band with the ghostly earth double of Kurt Cobain, and the True Widow has found a heart-shaped heart, they manage to mind the battleship of surveillance
that keeps the boat afloat here at the Church. Lest any mouth roar again against the band; these two warriors against wrath prepare reports for Father in the bunker. So when the time is right and Father Drobbingdon climbs out of that closet, excuse me-bunker-he will be completely up-to-date on all matter of Chris-state.
As such, let us be ever vigilant against defilers, besmirchers, Mormon infidels from Las Vegas, Sainted Rock Stars with a jealous streak, eye-liner wearing punks who hate tea parties from Oakland, and now..in the last vestiges and gasps of foul air from their filthy mouths..the words of Oasis-who shall forever live in infamy for their blast at Chris’s good friend and soul bro-Jay-Z-whom they spoke ill of at Glastonbury for being a head-liner who doesn’t play guitar! Hey idiot Gallaghers-ever hear of RAP MUSIC? It’s da bomb!
So farewell Liam and the other one: we shan’t miss you one single bit, and don’t let the toilet door hit you in the nuts on your way OUT! God is Great!
Amen.
harry potter on 31 Aug 2009 at 7:07 am #
Have you all forgotten the real purpose of this and of life? we are in the kingdom of Chris Martin and we must love Him because He first loved us
ACTZERO on 02 Sep 2009 at 7:11 am #
I heard Oasis once, at least I think it might have been them?
And yes Harry Potter, there is a God and he does love us all despite the mess me have made of everything.
While we are on the subject, if you want to hear somevery good music give Dallas Green from “City and Light (night?)” a listen. Pretty f…ing good.
And yes, myself, Lauwrence the Magic Cat, together with the Earth Image known as KurtCobain Again (aka Gibby) and any other stragler musician soulmate who joins my Band of Believers, we shall be true to the power which rotates the sun and gave your heart a beat, so that one day you might feel it stop beating.
Create life and everything in it. How is that for art?
So ya, in the end if you need some protection you can really depend on me and Earth Boy Kurt Again to perhaps even completely destroy those of lesser harmonic purity, they who besmirch the Good Graces of the earth forms know as Coldplay / Chris Martin.
The light of Coldplay give this world hope in so many ways they will never know of. Like Jimmy Stuart in It’s A Wonderful Life, you make a differnce.
Prison Matron with message from the True Widow on 02 Sep 2009 at 3:47 pm #
Greetings to this Cult from the Woman’s Lock-up:
The True Holy Widow has bidden me to pass a message on to Blessed Brother Rob/ACTZERO on her behalf.
She is undercover within the prison system-masquerading as a pimp killer-to win the affections of the ladies. The Widow is out to prove that the power of being associated with The Church of Chris Martin (and the C: O: C: girls)can offer protection while in lock-up. If this is indeed the case-it is further proof of our divine power regarding dominance over the Hades scumlords-coldplaying.com.
The message to ACTZERO: Brother Rob-this is the REAL earth double of Holy Cobain. “Gibby” is the code name for Kurt’s best buddy who he was in rehab with in Marina del Rey right before Kurt jumped the fence & went back to his untimely fate in Seattle with a shotgun. “Gibby” is Gibby Haynes-lead singer of the Butthole Surfers & one of KC’s best buds in heroin-abuse! NOW: songs! Channel Lawrence the Cat-he is so grateful for your benevolence that he has beautiful cat songs that you can mind-channel into human form!
In fact-write a song with “Gibby” called LAWRENCE THE CAT-” it’s bound to be a hit! This will be your way into SUPER ROCK STARDOM!
Then Brother Rob/ACTZERO: you will join that hallowed club of rockers who CLAMOR AND DROOL to get a hold of the C: O: C: girl’s new calender & step all over each other to get their names or band mentioned in these holy pages! Only the “most favored ones of spiritual sagacity” get a “SAINT” before their names!
The True Widow is heartened for your proceedings in getting together with Earth Double Gibby & prays to her devotional homages to the Great One to continue to aid your efforts at ROCK STARDOM! Hallelujah-Amen.
BrotherOb on 04 Sep 2009 at 4:21 am #
I am flattered prison matron that you would pass on a message to me and especially so that the True Window would communicate with me. Not that I am unworthy to be communicated with, more rather like a waste of your precious earthly time.
I don’t want to start this off on too high a note so I will just say that I am completely convinced that most people OUT THERE… are completely off their gyro.
More like they all left home and left their gyro in the closet for the cat to play with. Only your gyro is the thing which powers your moral compass and if you don’t have that, then you are not a church member, I would think?
And I base that somewhat optimistic assesment of mankind on first hand empirical evidence from my personal, work and absorbing the news parts of my life. Like all the time now on the media we have interviews with “ECONOMISTS”, who are forever looking up their own assholes and telling us they do not smell shit any longer… that the “Great Recession” is over, and it’s time to get back to what made the rich golden… borrow and spend, compete and lend.
These are the same morons who 6 months before the finacial blowout were predicting golden days ahead. Like the same idots who said in 1929 that the thirties would see unlimited growth. It would be no problem if the public did not believe these charlatans but unfortunately they believe like Jesus.
.
The only thing I see growing in this world is fear, insecurity, alienation and desperation. “It’s a cold world coming”. To put it mildy. Even more reason I ust summon my Band of Zombies to shake this world upside down with music.
So I will end on a high note with this last little anecdote from my bland and tepid exsistence (not / lame maybe but I try…). As I just walked to the corner for honey and peanut butter I was ruminating on the alienation bit and noticed that people (here anyway in drug wars Vancouver) don’t want you looking in their eye. People are so jammed up now by the system, they don’t know who to trust ANYMORE. At least here in BEATIFUL GROUND ZERO.
So I get my stuff and am checking out and I become aware of the muzak, and it’s Lovers in Japan, a song of hope. And I re-align my attitude a bit and don’t feel so angry. I walk home and as I pass the window of my place, what is playing on the only cd my new sound system won’t spit back at me, Prospekts March? Lovers in Japan perhaps maybe?
For me this was a sign from God that the entire universe is controlled by an omnipresent Being of Infinte Love and Beauty, but really more like a simple experience of serendipity. Becasue I am never aware they even had muzak in that store, and secondly what are the odds of hearing it again (the exact same part by the way) as I walk by my window? Lawrence says “never… sounds like magic to me.”
I may brain damaged but it works for me. And the reason I don’t do this anywhere else is because that would be pointless. I may as well be talking with a bunch of people who are sleeping or a sun dried slug because it almost seems to be true that society is the disease and the Church is the cure as ArchPope has so admonished us to embrace.
And finally, “Just a puppet on a lonely string”. The first time I heard that line I thought, wow, what a line… In Chris Martins’ world it’s not just puppets, people, cats and dogs who get “lonely”, but even previously thought to be “inanimate” objects… like string. Not only is Chris Martin a very accomplished musician but apparently a closet seer of divine phenomenon in the natural world.
So if you need anymore proof of Chris Martins’ True Divine Sensitive Nature then LOOK NO MORE. If he can actually feel the loneliness of a string (science will one day “prove” that string does have feelings just like some humans do) then what more do you need? Like some Australian Aborigines can “dream tomorrow”? Same thing kind of with Chris I would say but you get to talk with God daily and He directs your touring schedule.
So it’s wonderful life… if we make that of it.
May the Chris be with you as Prospekts March has to be one piece of perfect art. I eagerly await your next cd. Your sun is only now at it’ds zenith and you Coldplay / Chris Martin will go on to even amaze yourselves at what can created in one lifetime.
Gibby?? Is that a true story?
100bourne on 08 Sep 2009 at 9:22 pm #
This site is freaking stupid… i mean seriously! this is not something to be kiddin with, Chris Martin is an amazing guy with great view of life an love giving. And he very have made be apriciate life more. But the momment you start making it into a religious kult, that is just crossing the line waaaaaay to much.
100bourne on 08 Sep 2009 at 9:30 pm #
fuck….. the more i look at this page the more scared i get :S this is fucking freaky. How can anyone be so mental to do something like this… If Chris saw this page for him self i bet he would feel the same way… please stop doing this, and stop saying shit about U2, i love both coldplay and U2! and what the fuck is wrong with U2. people like you ruin the beautiful message of coldplay.
Christine on 14 Sep 2009 at 8:55 am #
Chris isn’t a god, and you have no idea Who you are joking with. If you have seen God, and experience who Jesus is, you would fear God too.
drobbingdon on 14 Sep 2009 at 1:27 pm #
We have never said that Chris Martin is God. Rather, we believe he is a prophet of God.
I have a gardener called Jesus - is that who you mean? If so, I’m not sure I have “experienced” him. I made him lasagne once - does that count?
And I do not fear God. He’s a friend of mine. Odd sense of humour sometimes, but a good bloke. Only those who piss him off need be scared of him.
Neillers on 28 Sep 2009 at 9:06 pm #
Although I think Chris Martin is an amazing musician and I cant get enough of his music, I dont think hes Jesus. This is a bit obsessive. He isnt a christian and he would be disturbed. You need to get mental inspection guys…
Radiohead is better than Coldplay on 06 Oct 2009 at 6:11 am #
Dear Bunch-of-fucking-brainless-fangirls:
Hitting your heads against a wall is way more productive… and I’m dead serious…
IDIOTS…
Sincerely: Me
P.S:
yes.. im from coldplaying.com… bite me bitch.
Radiohead IS better than Coldplay on 06 Oct 2009 at 6:19 am #
Ever tried hitting a particularly hard wall? concrete perhaps? You may have to get used to it!
Couldn’t have said it better Me
Heretic Hater of London on 06 Oct 2009 at 7:01 pm #
S M E L L T H E G A R L I C !
Radiohead is better than Coldplay!
S E E T H E C R O S S O F C H R I S !
We shall ban you forever from this Church
because of these words of infamy & hate towards
our lovely female followers! The concrete is too
good an end for you-defiler & besmircher!
Haul yourself back to your evil den of despair &
virginal basement wanking! I have alerted Father
Drobbingdon and he is unsheathing his double-edged
pen to shred you in Holy righteousness & fervor!
R E T U R N T O H E L L- despoiler & infidel!
The Church of Chris Martin will reign in perpetuity!
You-however-will be sent to Hades with the rest of
the coldplaying.com Twitts! Radiohead is undoubtably
a critics-favorite but nothing compares to the prophetic stirrings of melodious LOVE that emanates from the hearts of the Great Ones: Coldplay. Amen.
calang on 11 Oct 2009 at 10:56 am #
Why is it that “Anti-Mr Chris” is an anagram of Chris Martin? Could it be that Chris Martin is the Chris and the Anti-Chris at the same time?
drobbingdon on 12 Oct 2009 at 2:25 pm #
Chris’s divinity contains all things, reconciles all opposites. Consider:
Revelation 22:13 - “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End”
Isiah 45:7 - “I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.”
There is a great mystery being pointed to here. Thank you, Calang, for bringing it to our attention.
Anonymous on 21 Oct 2009 at 4:23 pm #
OK, the now even the Oracle has admitted that the guys here are ”weird”. You’re scaring the sh*t out of people, and if I were Chris, I would personally should you down.
drobbingdon on 22 Oct 2009 at 7:34 pm #
Actually, Anonymous, the Oracle said no such thing - the person who said we were weird was the person asking the question, Sarah. The Oracle was graciously impartial, as would be expected, merely noting that it was weird that the Church has been there longer than the archive shows.
But then, if you were confident in what you said, you wouldn’t have been too scared to use your real name, which is probably Sarah. I suppose that I shouldn’t expect good close-reading skills from someone who doesn’t know the difference between “shut” and “should”.
And you’re allowed to say “shit” here, you know.
Not afraid to Use My Real Name on 23 Oct 2009 at 1:34 am #
Dearest Church:
I LOVE IT when Drobbingdon does a smackdown on all the dopes and rubes that leave stupid posts.
Drobbingdon is so above everyone else that its scary.
He could outwit himself he is so smart. I wish I was powerful like him cause he got it in for all the bullies and creeps out there.
Go Get ‘Um Drobbingdon! YOU RULE!
Sincerely, Anonymous.
Chris Martin on 23 Oct 2009 at 7:55 am #
Dear Church,
I do not apperciate what you have done with me. I am merely a person playing in a band, and do not see why you continously appraise me, when:
A. I don’t write my own songs
B. I really don’t care about the fans, I’m just in it for the money, really.
I hope that you one day realize that there is only one God, and I am not some kind of Messiah. I hope you learn to live your own lives, and stop feeding off mine, and just enjoy our music.
~All the best of luck,
Chris
FRUGLE on 23 Oct 2009 at 7:56 am #
AHA! EVEN CHRIS THINKS YOU GUYS ARE WACKO! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?!?
cOOKiE mOnstEr on 23 Oct 2009 at 8:07 am #
If I join your church….
Will you give me A COOKIE?!
WOOBY on 23 Oct 2009 at 8:10 am #
If you think Chris Martin is Christ, then what does that make Guy Berryman, Johnny Buckland and Will Champlion? Are they like his apostles or something?
I HATE COLDPLAY! on 23 Oct 2009 at 8:18 am #
I HATE CHRIS MARTIN
I HATE COLDPLAY
AND MY LIFE IS GOOOOD!!
drobbingdon on 23 Oct 2009 at 9:33 am #
I was very concerned about that comment from Chris Martin… especially as he seems to be mocking himself. So I checked the IP addresses of the comments. You wrote it yourself, Frugle. Not much of a victory really, is it?
Cookie Monster: Yes, yes I will.
Woobie: That is correct - clearly I need to post a reminder of the basic structure and tenets of the CoCM.
chrismartinlover on 25 Oct 2009 at 2:02 am #
omgf he is so frickin’ hawt. i want to marry this man!
chrismartinlover on 25 Oct 2009 at 2:03 am #
oops i meant omfg
Mr. Pieface on 26 Oct 2009 at 2:31 am #
Nobody cares “chrismartinlover”. Nobody cares.
im too good for this on 26 Oct 2009 at 10:41 pm #
it’s not even 6:23 yet
mgirl1980 on 06 Nov 2009 at 2:16 pm #
Pardon me, but for me this is pure sense of humor… laughing is a great anti-wrinkle. So thank you. I love the Church and Love Chris
klajfdklsj on 07 Nov 2009 at 3:18 am #
Hey did you guys know that all those long pointless posts by other so called “church members” (ie. Capitalist Capitulator,Brotherob) are all done by one person who pretends to be another. If you don’t believe me, look for yourself! All of the giagantic posts have suspiciously similar writing style (grammar wise) and have the repitition of certian words, and phrases.
In all, this website is quite funny and a great way to unwind the nerves after a tough day, but surely, nobody should take it seriously!
It was probably created by some old fat guy who writes to himself during the day using different usernames because he has nothing better to do.
Sister Murphy on 07 Nov 2009 at 6:55 am #
Dear klajfdklsj,
When I was your teacher at the Sacred Hearts school, I instructed you not to point out flaws in others, as it is not our place to judge. That can only be done by the Holy Father-who knows what is in each person’s heart-of-hearts.
I see that you are up to your old tricks again. At least you offered a compliment at the end-yes, humor is a wonderful foil and a good hearty laugh offers merriment to the soul.
Even if an old fat guy is the one behind this website; it is glorious to praise such a talent as Chris Martin. Who really cares who writes this stuff-if it’s amusing, then be grateful for that.
I fear you are just a killjoy who derives a perverse pleasure by acting like a know-it-all. Father Drobbingdon may have some choice words for you later.
Kindly write another post showing some thanks for the many hours of mirth you have enjoyed here atThe Church of Chris Martin. If not-I shall take the ruler to your behind near the outhouses. Amen.
Go in Chris- Exhalted Sister Murphy bids farewell.
VivaChris on 08 Nov 2009 at 4:14 am #
Marry me Drobbingdon.
FuckThisShittySite on 12 Dec 2009 at 10:25 pm #
THIS IS THE WORST WEBSITE EVER, FOR THE SHITTIEST SINGER, SHITTIEST SONGWRITER, SHITTIEST PHILOSOPHER, AND SHITTIEST POET EVER.
P.S. HAHA YOU ARE GAY FOR GAY FOR CHRIS MARTIN FUCKIN LOSER
Music Fan on 17 Dec 2009 at 8:22 pm #
What are you confused people going to say when you die and have to stand in front of the Lord Jesus? Chris Martin is just a man with song writing talent that uses that talent to make money. He will also stand in front of the Lord someday. He is no different than you and me. I’m sorry I stumbled across this crazy site. YOU PEOPLE ARE OUT OF YOUR MINDS. GET A GRIP!!!!!!!!!
By the way, I write music too; are you gonna worship me?????
Sister Sledge-Hammer on 17 Dec 2009 at 9:17 pm #
D R O B B I N G D O N: Do you want this imbecile or should I take him/her?
Hey “Music Fan-”
Yes you did stumble and badly! You have the audacity to leave stupid messages on this Holy website!
Everyone will stand before God in judgment and I hope that the Lord will thank the Church of Chris Martin. For what-you might ask? Our insight and appreciation of the annointed music of Coldplay and how we gave it earthly praise reports and promoted it to the dirty, unwashed masses-such as yourself- Music Fan!
You are a mass of dirty unwashed poison-pen maliciousness and reprobation that defiles the Blessed among the Church. Chris Martin is different from you and me-God has set him aside and allowed his music to prophecy future events to unfold that will Save the World! What have you to say about that? Let me quote the Bible for you, if you think that this is all a bunch of hooey!
“Pursue love, yet desire earnestly spiritual gifts, but especially that you may prophesy. For one who speaks in a tongue does not speak to men, but to God; for no one understands, but in his spirit he speaks mysteries. But one who prophesies speaks to men for edification and exhortation and consolation. One who speaks in a tongue edifies himself; but one who prophesies edifies the church. Now I wish that you all spoke in tongues, but even more that you would prophesy; and greater is one who prophesies than one who speaks in tongues, unless he interprets, so that the church may receive edifying.” (1 Corinthians 14:1-5)
If you were not such a fool and so besmirched in your spiritual understanding-Music Fan-you would see that Chris Martin is not worshipped as a GOD but seen in a Spiritual light as a prophetic MAN-and we worship-love his music-as that is the vehicle of his divinity. Please refrain from further insults & idiotic tirades that only castigate you as a dubious intellectual tyrant. It is lowlifes such as yourself that need to mosey along to coldplaying.com and continue your basement-wanking over at that forlorn and God-forsaken website! Viva! Amen! (Drobbingdon-do you have anything you want to add?)
drobbingdon on 17 Dec 2009 at 10:16 pm #
Thank you, Sister Sledge-Hammer.
Do not dare to compare yourself to me: we are in no way alike. I am the wealthy and charismatic founder of the fastest-growing indie-rock-based religion - you are a mealy-mouthed, semi-literate internet troll with a broken exclamation mark key on your semen-encrusted keyboard.
You seem deeply confused about our faith - we do not worship Chris Martin because he is a musician, but because he is a prophet. And even were your misapprehension correct, I find it unlikely that your self-obsessed mumblings and ham-fisted spasms that serve as guitar strums would find any other response but concealed smirking and a lawsuit from Oasis.
When I die and walk up to the pearly gates, I shall high-five Jesus, do a lame cool-guy handshake with Saint Peter, and the three of us shall sit down with a fat blunt to await Chris Martin’s arrival. You, sir, are not invited, as you have another appointment - not with the fires down below, but in Purgatory - the resting place of the insignificant and banal.
Holy Bible on 02 Jan 2010 at 1:40 am #
You know what’s amazing? This book I’m reading. It has the answer to all your problems, and is practically the guideline to life. Many people know it by its worn leather cover and red silk bookmark. Sadly, many don’t know the author. The book is called the Holy Bible.
In this book, there’s a short section in Exodus called the Ten Commandments. Ironically; the very first one is “thou shalt have no other Gods before me.” That’s something to think about.
Holy Proctor & Penitent Cardinal Riunite of Merlot on 03 Jan 2010 at 8:05 am #
Blessed Friends & Holy Bible:
I am called by Father Drobbingdon-who is deeply troubled by those making comments here-and use the Good Book to denigrate others. Surely Holy Bible knows of “worship music-” which is musical “regard of a particular sacred object or person with ardent or adoring esteem or devotional singing.” Coldplay music is worship music-it helps people experience, musically, the vast and manifest presence of God in our midst. Though fraught with puzzles, metaphors, similes, and musical analogies, the songs of Coldplay
reach for the heart of God and heaven.
Now every one is familiar with the Ten Commandments.
The Church of Chris Martin does not hold up Chris Martin as a God. The Church DOES NOT worship him as a false idol. We hold him up as HOLY because he is “the voice of one crying in the wilderness.” As a matter-of-fact, Holy Bible, your holier than thou attitude has blinded you to your own transgressions. The 9th Commandment-”Do not bear false witness against your neighbor” is one that you have done here today among the Church brethren and sistren.
The Good people of this Sanctified Site recognize the divinity of Chris Martin as one akin to John the Baptist. Need I remind you that ALL 4 Gospels in the Holy Bible record the ministry of John the Baptist as one who is the proclaimer of Christ’s arrival.
John the Baptist-much as the namesake of our Church-had a SPECIFIC ROLE ORDAINED BY GOD-as a forerunner or precursor of the Lord. The New Testament speaks directly to this: “Thou shalt go before the face of the Lord to prepare His way.” (Luke 1:17.)
Chris Martin-like John the Baptist before him-drew people from far and near and from all around to hear his powerful words. John called from the wilderness; Chris Martin sings in packed arenas and concert halls-calling out words of glory. There is no need to disparage anyone here, my Holy Bible friend. The Bible also says that there will be an entire army of of Elijah’s and John the Baptist’s in the last days to do a similar work in preparing the world for the 2nd Coming. “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful Day of the Lord.” (Malachi 4:5)
Please Holy Bible, rest assured that many fine Christians and Holy Angels reside in this fine prefecture of Coldplay love. Do not despair and think we would ever do anything against God and his Great Commandments. Perhaps you have been brainwashed by the Great Satan: coldplaying.com.
We will pray for your soul, Holy Bible. Chris Martin-a prophet..will “prepare the way of the Lord;
make His paths straight.” Glory to all in Blessings of Holy Sacrament and I ordain all in a perpetual consecration of divinity and liturgical somnolence. In praise of all that is good and pure among men.
Amen.
sinenomine on 17 Jan 2010 at 12:27 am #
Well, really, I think you’re just jealous of him because he’s a good guy. But it’s okay. You can go on in mocking him, it won’t change anything that is appreciable to good people in him.
drobbingdon on 17 Jan 2010 at 9:40 pm #
If what you say is true, sinenomine, give me a single example of Chris Martin being mocked by the Church?
Druid Priestess of Mayfair on 18 Jan 2010 at 12:58 am #
As sinenomine proves, they must have opened the cages at the nut house and a few escapes have made their way out and to a computer where they can post drivel like this.
Hasn’t the family doctor told the wankers at coldplaying.com that too much masturbating can stunt your growth? In this case, it has stunted sinenomine’s brain cells because she/he/it seems to think the Church mocks the very person we hold up on a pedestal and consider divine!
Far be it for me to try and decipher the mind of a brainless threader who can’t even comprehend the basic tenets of this House of Worship. However she would make a great sacrificial offering at our next Nature Ceremony-where these lesser mortals can make amends and atonement for the scourge of mankind: coldplaying.com. All hail the Coldplay Drum Circle! Pay homage to the Great Father Drobbingdon-who has shown us all the light of his wisdom and knowledge.
The ultimate punishment awaits sinenomine-as a putrid blasphemer and heretic! Please let us burn her/him/it at our next stake (and potato’s) event. P.S.
Father: where is my Glastonbury Invocation Invitation?
Nashona on 18 Jan 2010 at 7:19 am #
Can’t say I blame half the people on here for stating their negative opinions, but really guys? If you believe the “original version” of this kind of belief, shouldn’t you be keeping such strong language and negative commentary out of the sight of others? People can believe what they want. Religion is not a one-tone thing. Only one-track minds go for the norm. This is something…very unusual, not gonna lie, but it’s creative, so keep it to the GA. Make love, not war.
Wesley on 18 Jan 2010 at 4:39 pm #
Dear Nashona
I want you to know that not everyone has a mean mouth and is bad when they make comments.
I agree with you to make love not war. Do you wanna come over to my mom’s basement and we can look at coldplaying.com together on my computer? my mom goes to the bar & gets drunk every night and we can have some fun.
those hooligans at the Church don’t deserve you but you can help a virgin like me a lot. I love Chris.
sinenomine on 18 Jan 2010 at 5:10 pm #
LOL! I just amuse myself with you. You’re amusing indeed yeah! So just go on. Don’t stop until you manage to kill someone. The “heretics” -and ridiculous- there is just yourselves, when we analyze all your sayings! Ha ha! You really cause to me laugh! Thank you for giving me another way to amuse myself here on this website. For I love the way you make fun!
Good evening good guys!
V on 19 Jan 2010 at 2:37 am #
Learn to spell, knob.
The True Widow replies on 19 Jan 2010 at 3:28 pm #
Greetings & Blessings in Fellowship to All:
I would like to apologize to our new friend in Love & Worship: sinenomine. It seems that V is harsh in his rebuke to sinenomine-using a “knob” and “poor speller” denigration to this recent convert.
Church members: recall these words of wisdom from the Bible; specifically Mark 9:40: “For he who is not against us is for us.” At first light-it would appear that sinenomine is just another debased follower of the Satanists over at coldplaying.com.
However further postings from sinenomine prove that her/his heart and mind are allied with The Church and for that she/he becomes a true worshiper and friend. Perhaps the spelling and concise diction of sinenomine could use some fine-tuning; never-the-less she/he is of sound enough mind to know a quality intellectual website such as ours and speak the truth of the humor and devout love we possess for The Great One of Coldplay.
I ask all Church brethren and sistren to refrain from further casting aspersions on followers who may be flailing about in getting their points across. They are as deserving of spiritual love and support as are we all. May The Chris Be With You. Amen.
The Fear Council on 20 Jan 2010 at 12:33 am #
I used to think that life was the way it was because that was just the way life was, right? Well now I think that things turn out the way they do because… there’s a plan as The Man says.
So if that is in fact the case and there is a plan as the man says in the song about where do you want to go / you are in control… then are we a part of the plan also? And does Chris Martin know more about The Plan than we do because of his ability to swim within the river of life inside of harmony and love? Probably, great gifts are given to those fools who dive into the infinite with their eyes closed and their hands open wide. Viva la Cash-Tour!
Anyway, the plan is love your neighbour as you would Bin Laden and God will smile upon you, if that is the plan. I know I am part of the plan, and so are you and Judy Garland was also. But sometimes it seems like there is no plan or purpose to life, especially when your spelling is questionable like mine once was until I discovered this website and learned how to “leave a comment” and spell two. It really is a swell place to learn more about the true nature of reality but only if you listen very closely to the music and what young Christopher has to say about life.
May the Chris be with you, and that’s a god thing.
Lilith (sinenomine) on 25 Jan 2010 at 1:01 pm #
Oops! Excuse me! I wanted to say “you cause me to laugh” not “you cause to me laugh!” Ya know, sometimes being on the jump can lead you to commit some scriptural mistakes, isn’it? Ha ha! (Thank you for your welcome True Widow, I am french and french is my native language, not english! hope this could be well comprehended by the one who taught me to spell! LOL! I laugh at you V! But in the name of our brotherwood and fellowship, I forgive you indeed).
Especially to Danny who wrote above, I’d like to say that he/she is damning himself/herself because a true believer of Christ does not employ the word “motherfucker”, how angry he/she could be! In fact, you, Danny, are not even a true nor authentic witness of Jesus because we found you cussing (ha ha , which is very laughable) as you should not do if you really are a CHRISTIAN! Ok? There are many false christians like you nowadays!
Last, I think you (the Church) should be called the Martinians. The followers of Jesus Christ were called christians (-ian meaning “follower”), so those of Chris Martin could be beautifully called “martinians”. Well, it’s just a literary question!
Peace and love.
Lilith on 25 Jan 2010 at 1:50 pm #
mwahahahaha! Frugle has failed! Thanks to the insight and sagacity of our beloved great Dean! Chris blesses you dear Dean!
to the people that have no sense of humour like the false christians above, I say poor of you! You must learn to laugh in life, ’cause Jesus himself laughed.
If you had, even just a bit of humour, you’d detect this Church is just a club for happy living and jolly genius loving Chris Martin! It was an idea of genius founding this church and many things here are funny and brilliant indeed! Thank you dean! It is not so serious as you poorly think or fear it is, dear Jesus defenders! I said I amuse myself here. Then it is so. But what ya said, very serious men, was not great and is empty of intelligence. You must ask the HOLY SPIRIT lol to teach you much more things!
hé hé, it was not a good idea to disguise yourself as Chris Martin Frugle! really, it was an idea of a weeny mockingbird!
Viva to every freed by a rush of blood church members!
True Widow Replies on 25 Jan 2010 at 3:28 pm #
Lilith aka sinenomine:
God (& Chris) has blessed this Church with your presence.
It is precisely devoted, chaste, and pious followers such as yourself that say the darnedest things-yet it is just what is needed in that moment in time.
All must pray and ask mercy for Father Drobbingdon. He has-once again-fallen into a funk and gone on the lam.
The kindly spiritual words of sinenomine-either French-ified or garbled English-are just what is needed to gently spur him on to do the right thing:
Turn himself in, have an excellent lawyer and pay off that shrewish ex-wife to go away for good. Put this whole sorry episode behind him for the good of the Church and by extension-all mankind!
Reminder to Church brethren & sistren: please restrain yourself from going to ANY upcoming Hole concerts in the UK or Europe in general. These are the instructions from our Most Holy Saint Cobain.
God Bless You all-and a most Holy greeting in kinship and friendship to sinenomine aka Lilith!
May A Rush of Blood to Your Head X Y & Z you! Viva!
moy on 27 Jan 2010 at 3:53 pm #
Chris Martin is good!
Let us praise his name for ever!
Lilith aka sinenomine on 27 Jan 2010 at 4:01 pm #
I know this site is just a joke but it’s so original and full of funs! That’s why I must laud our very holy father Drobbingdon who had the idea to create this site and found a virtual church based on truth: Chris Martin. Well, my brethren, I enjoy Martin’s holy presence everyday and I begin to be revealed of things about the very glory of God that is secreted into His hallowed servant Chris Martin, our Lord.
Blessed be the name of Chris Martin.
Matriarch on 27 Jan 2010 at 6:20 pm #
Dearest Lilith aka sinenomine:
You are surely a delight here! The innocence and purity of soul you project is a blessing indeed.
You capture the essence of the Church and when called to demonstrate faith and belief in Father Drobbingdon-despite his propensity to flaunt the law-deliver words of wisdom and support to him.
I am so happy that you are just not merely another mommy’s basement wanker at coldplaying.com and display spiritual knowledge that supercedes any language hurdles you may encounter along the way.
I am so pleased with you that I shall thought-channel Chris Martin to write a song for you: sinenomine. It may go by the name: Cinnamon, but I hope that he receives it in time to include it on the next “striped-down” acoustic album that “might suck.” Glory to all that is Coldplay and God Bless All followers. Please pray for the soul of Father-who is now a “wanted man.” Amen.
mar on 03 Feb 2010 at 9:57 am #
this is insane!have some respect for this man!
You all are crazy
6 on 04 Feb 2010 at 7:50 pm #
yall r retarded
DELHAYE MARIE on 05 Feb 2010 at 6:52 pm #
CHRIS EST UN MESSI A VOS DE LE RECONAITRE…
Lilith aka sinenomine on 08 Feb 2010 at 5:58 pm #
I am so grateful to you because of your words Matriarch. May the feathers of Chris Martin’s wings cover you and may the holy name of our Messiah bless and protect you. I have been blessed through Chris Martin’s songs and sweet melody that I adore him indeed.
Be blessed in Chris Martin’s name dear Matriarch.
Viva!
!@##$ on 08 Feb 2010 at 6:17 pm #
Don’t pay atention to this crap,
stay strong in JESUS CHRIST thats the only one that
will help you in your problems!!!
jesus said: I’m the way the truth an the light…
look it up in the Bible.
you guys think your so “Religious”.
God is not about a religion its about
a Personal RELASHIONSHIP with him,he loves
you and dosn’t whant you to be reading this
trash!! 4 the rest of you CLOWNS mesing with
the word of God(jesus can forgive you,if you repent)
start talking the truth not this trash,and repent before is to late.
Liars!!
viva Jesus!!! on 09 Feb 2010 at 1:03 am #
you keep mesing whith this… you all going to hell!!
CLOWNS
:O
Escaped & Delusional Mental Escapee on 09 Feb 2010 at 3:47 am #
YOU dumb coldplaying.coms are startin to piss me off.
It’s so obvious it’s you wankers leaving the stupid stuff like viva Jesus and the other ##$!@. Time to go find mommy at the bar and pry the drunks off her-she needs to wash those sticky sheets in the basement so you cretins can keep playing with yourself.
It’s not really gonna make it grow longer–all that rubbing you do. Your just stuck with a little penis, a little brain and NO CLUE!
Watch out, I just car-jacked me some wheels & I’m lookin for wankers! BUG OFF!