Hey Saint Francis - there’s a new playa in town, and he be down with the animals too! As a matter-of-fact, Chris Martin took a personal vow of poverty - despite being inordinately wealthy - and his gentle spirit is entrusted by animals big and small! He is your spiritual brother in animal husbandry!
Chris reaches out with his music and his heart to the many folks for whom their pet is their only true companion. The bond between a person and a pet is a bond like no other, of two creatures aligned in love. Let us cast a blessing on these devoted followers and their little friends, that goes something like this:
“Blessed are you, Lord God, maker of all living creatures. You called forth fish in the sea, birds to fly at the speed of light through the air and animals on the land. You inspired St. Francis (and Chris Martin) to call all of them his brothers and sisters. We ask you to bless this pet. By the power of your love, enable it to live according to your plan. May we always praise you for all your beauty in creation. We live in a beautiful world! Viva!”
Then the pet is sprinkled with some Holy Water (which is bottled water that has traveled on the Coldplay Tour bus/Lear Tour Jet & been within proximity of Chris Martin for 24 hours or more). A procession of animals is then begun - from the lowliest rat up to the biggest horse - all go trotting from the Church rectory, to the field of yellow wheat, where an assembly is about to begin!
It is Chris Martin of Assisi - a modern day Saint and friend to all, human and animal. The gathering is hushed in anticipation; the donkeys have stopped braying, the cats no longer lick their paws. The canine adventurers have halted their humpings. All are in rapt attention. St. Chris Martin of Assisi strides to the podium in his regal gold & purple robe, a kingly crown atop his head.
“HELLO CLEVELAND!! Oops… I mean to say… I, the Holiest of Saints, in conjunction with my forbearer - Saint Francis of Assisi - hereby do bestow upon these animals the sprinkling of the Holy Coldplay water, and a Blessing that the Sacred Animal Spirit shall never be extinguished or perish. Viva!”
Just like his namesake, Saint Chris Martin of Assisi honors and loves the birds and animals that flit about the gardens of his various mansions throughout the world. All the money he has amassed hasn’t blinded him to the beauty of nature. And with this knowledge, he hereby blesses the innocent creatures.
May we give all hosannas to Saint Chris Martin of Assisi, and to all God’s living things. May the birds and bees sing to the high heavens to the Glory of Coldplay forever more. Viva!
I, the Holy See & ordained Pope (Celestial) Elvis of the Church of Chris Martin do hereby proclaim - along with my Blessed Archpope Father Drobbingdon - the WRIT OF SOLEMNIZATION EDICT voted on by WordPress.
I do solemnly swear that it is my duty as heavenly caretaker of The CoCM to officially welcome a new soul into the Hierarchy of Saints, to join the illustrious eminences that include Saint Bono out of U2 & great Mark King out of Level 42, and complete our Supreme Trifecta of Love that will help this Great Church supersede all other Coldplay websites in Power & Glory.
We honor today the Great Grunge God from the Suicide City of Seattle, who’s talent and bad taste in picking wives is not forgotten. His True Widow would not let the Holy Cobain memory be swept aside and was instrumental in insisting that Father Drobbingdon accede to her demands that Cobain be shown a courtesy vote for Sainthood. Little did the usually astute Father realize how much love & respect existed among the Church glitterati - and riff-raff - towards the Nirvana frontman. It is a wonderous testimony to Cobain’s legend and the staying-power of Nirvana music that he was confirmed in record time.
Please all Hail the Great New Saint Kurt Cobain, Holy Assistant to Pope Elvis Presley and our Church of Chris Martin Heavenly Music Director. Those Church members who wish to assist certain ROCK BANDS with other-worldly aid- from the “other side,” direct your prayers and beseechings to Saint Kurt Cobain. He will be helpful in granting Grammy Awards, #1 on Billboard Charts, & selling out concert venues world-wide.
Church of Chris Martin, your wisdom in catapulting My Holy Assistant into the Pantheon of Saints does not go unnoticed. My heart & soul is over-flowing with precious feelings of paternal pride for my flock of miscreants. It is with hip-shaking LOVE that I present to the Church it’s newest Saint in the firmament: Holy Grunge God-Saint Kurt Cobain. Bow down in supplication now!
(Following on from Part 1, we here complete Drobbingdon’s musical based upon Viva la Vida/Prospekt’s March by Coldplay.)
Act 2, Scene 1
Three years have passed. The revolution was successful: the FOX was overthrown. Drobbingdon, the leader of the revolution, has become leader of the land, with Prospekt his deputy.
In a hut in Violet Hill, now the capital of England, a small group watch Drobbingdon’s latest broadcast on an old TV…
Drobbingdon:When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
But the complaints rise, and Drobbingdon is forced to address the people.
Drobbingdon:The FOX is defeated, we no longer get sick, we are free! Why then are the people unhappy?
Voice in the crowd:Because we are still poor!
Drobbingdon:Our misfortunes are due to an unseen conspiracy…
Oh no, I see, a spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head, the thought of all the stupid things I said,
I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And i, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
Oh no I see, a spider web and its me in the middle,
So I twist and turn, here I am in my little bubble,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me…
If you Google the meaning of the song “Viva La Vida” by Coldplay, you will find many differing viewpoints-not to say any or all of them are wrong or bad. But the REAL meaning and song author’s lyrics speak FROM A FEMALE VIEWPOINT! In fact this is documented by THE FEMALE on the album cover in the De La Croix painting: “Liberty Leading the People.” This is the closest that Chris Martin has allowed himself to come towards the ultimate proclaiming of the coming of the Female Messiah. Also, the Viva La Vida video begins with the unfurling of a red rose - The Reign of Love - and ends with those very red rose petals disseminating from the band into the world.
I used to rule the world,
Seas would rise when I gave the word.
Now I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own.
The female in question once was a powerful woman who was at the top of her game. She had it all but now finds herself alone, and her status severely devalued compared to her former power & glory.
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes.
Listen as the crowd would sing:
Now the Old King is dead. Long Live the King.
Once this female would have had the strength to make her enemies and nemesis quake in their boots. She would accompany her “King” on tour and listen as the crowds revered him and sang his songs. But this “King” of her heart is dead.
One minute I held the key,
Next the walls were closed on me.
And I discovered that my castles stand
upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand.
Once powerful and prominent, our lady is now acknowledging her utter fall from glory. Here is the clearest lyric about just who the “King” was - “the castles stand upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand…” in reference to “Find my nest of salt - everything is my fault.” Also Jesus’s sermon on the Mount whereby a “wise man builds his house upon a rock, foolish men build it on sand.’” So the female realizes she had foolishly put all her eggs into an unstable basket.
I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing,
Roman cavalry choirs are singing.
Be my mirror, my sword, and shield-
My missionaries in a foreign field.
The female is just starting to understand her feelings and comprehend her position. The Catholic Church bells serenade her and the Roman choirs are her call to action. (Bono touches on this dawning of realization in U2’s “Get on Your Boots,” when he sings: “You don’t know..you get it, do you?”.) Things are beginning to make sense, and the female seeks (as Queens do) someone to represent her to the world - a missionary - but one who is a foreigner (England) to be her mirror to the world and offer strength and protection.
For some reason I can’t explain -
Once you’d gone, there was never an honest word.
And that was when I ruled the world.
Despite what the world may think of her “King,” the female knows that he was a good and honest man incapable of telling her lies and she trusted him utmost when she was with him.
It was the wicked and wild wind
blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sounds of drums.
People couldn’t believe what I’d become.
Revolutionaries wait for my head on a silver plate-
Just a puppet on a lonely string,
Oh who would ever want to be King?
The “wind” is commonly known as a Biblical reference to the Holy Spirit coming on someone and offering knowledge and prophecy. Broken windows and drums perhaps alludes to a sexual connotation - never-the-less, the female is now lowly and living in a state unbefitting of her royal status. She has allowed herself to become poor and impoverished. Friends who she thought she could trust end up betraying her and aim to have her framed and arrested on bogus charges. This “queen” answers only to her God and must always obey Him if she is to regain her power. “She is a Godly puppet,” and wonders if any man would want to be her companion.
For some reason I can’t explain, I know Saint Peter won’t call my name.
Never an honest word, but that was when I ruled the world.
The Saint Peter reference is quite puzzling but if the reader watches a video entitled “Anna Molly” by Incubus, it will make sense. The female was once murdered as a youth and upon approach to the Pearly Gates, she was stopped by Jesus himself and sent back to life. The female was resurrected. And she lives today, apparently among us, always remembering when she was happy, had someone she loved and trusted, and ruled the world.
This “feminine” interpretation of Viva La Vida takes absolutely nothing away from Coldplay and only shows that Chris Martin and Coldplay are open musically to whatever force of nature inspires them creatively. Claims on You Tube that the song is about Napolean or the French Revolution, but nothing could be further from the truth. It has a modern-day component about it, despite usage of the French Revolution de la Croix painting, which truly shows the “Liberty” that the 2nd Coming of the Messiah offers the world - particularly at the perilous juncture we find ourselves at today.
Viva La Vida shows that absolute power is not absolute. It ebbs and flows and with the death of her “King,” the female was left so bereft, that she actually allowed herself to fall into a state of spiritual dissolution. But the fact remains, that God and the Church are calling her once again to action, and being the God-fearing, devout and obedient Godly servant , she begins to reformulate into her power–with the help of her missionary, mirror, sword & shield-the great Chris Martin. When appreciated from this female perspective, it shows the generous trust and love the female has for Chris Martin & Coldplay- that she allows them to tell her story to the world.
The World today is in turmoil — fraught with danger, intrigue, deaths of celebrities-from A to D-list, and the continuing menace of coldplaying,com. Must we wake each morning to more bad economic news, saber-rattling from North Korea’s Dr. Demento, and another minor league musician claiming “Viva La Vida” was ripped off from them? Is there hope for our planet? Must life always be a constant struggle against chaos? Can we turn to our heroes for the hope we need to struggle through another day? Does Miley Cyrus really think Chris Martin is hot, despite her own mother’s admonitions?
Yes. We must gird our loins to toil for less… unless we make ministrations to a Holy Trinity that can intercede for us on our behalf and guide the way to greater truths and understanding. There are three parts to any trinity: the Christian doctrine of Trinity teaches the unity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as three persons in one Godhead. This doctrine states that God is a Triune God-existing as 3 persons but being one. Trinitarianism also exists in Oriental and Eastern Orthodoxy, Roman Catholic, mainsteam Angelicanism, Methodism, Lutheranism, and Presbyterianism religious traditions. The Oxford dictionary describes the Trinity as the “central dogma of Christian theology.”
Even the “Great Commission” of the Bible teaches “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 28: 19) So there should be no doubt regarding the necessity of this Blessed Threesome and how the components work together as one to form a more perfect union.
Normally the Congregation of the Causes of Saints at the Vatican in Rome will vote to canonize a certain Saint after a verification of 2 medical miracles has been made. Sometimes it can take decades of investigation and work to look into entrance to the pantheon of saints for a particular blessed soul. Searching for a relic to present to the Pope at sanctification is necessary in that a relic is needed as proof that the person existed. A relic can be something touched by a saint, worn by a saint, or even an actual body part of the saint.
I present this information as a metamorphisis into a plea that The Church of Chris Martin begin the processing of a third Blessed Saint to complete the trimurti needed to intercede on the Church’s behalf - both in earthly and heavenly time dimensions.
Yes - we first inculcated Bono out of U2 into Sainthood, only to have him become “the mouth that roared” insults such as “wanker” and “cretin” at our beloved Soul Master, Chris Martin, thus proving Saints aren’t perfect, but Bono, despite his over-sized ego, is close to it and we’ll take him as the Church’s first official Saint - if not for his AIDS work in Africa alone - I would categorize Bono as the Church’s PRIMARY SAINT.
A LESSER SAINT (and one picked personally by the Arch Pope Drobbingdon) would be Saint Mark King out of Level 42. Now this selection mystifies me, but I have it on good authority that Saint Mark King’s melodies are admired and his fixation on the number 42 is also shared by Chris Martin - which seems to indicate qualification for Lesser Sainthood.
Finally, as the True Widow and a noble Woman of good character, it is I who personally appeal to the decent proclivities of the Church to elevate Holy Assistant Kurt Cobain out of Nirvana into the 3rd element of the pantheon and bring him the spiritual and metaphysical prominence he deserved while on the earthly plane but never quite received. Despite the nay-sayers and the Mormom infidels from Las Vegas who blasphemize Kurt Cobain, he was a good and decent man. Any inproprieties he exhibited while alive in spirit can be mosty attributed to his harridan wife who tricked him into marriage and a nasty drug habit that began in the rainy, depressing suicide city of Seattle. Rest assured, Holy Assistant Kurt Cobain made it into heaven and rests at the hand of the Holy See. Assistant Kurt is ready, willing, and able to assist the Church of Chris Martin, as needed, with just a prayer to beseech him to intercede on our behalves.
Members of this Great Church, hear me please! Cast your vote for sainthood for this fine man and the last puzzle piece needed to complete our trifecta of goodness! When all saints are in place and ready to go, we will finally be spiritually equipped to take on the scourge of coldplaying.com and triumph in power and glory over them. We need the three to attain enough devout goodness in prayer and in thought to overcome the Satans that exist in both earthly thought realms and the great beyond. Until then, I - the True Widow - can only pray and plead for your attention and obligation to the Church that will compel you to take the time and vote. There are plenty of both dead and alive Saints that can be called up next for a vote and of course the first that comes to mind would be dearly departed Michael Jackson.
That would give us some saint diversity in elevating a (somewhat) black man into the realm. I would also put forward a few women for political correctness: Saint Holy Gwyneth Paltrow, Saint Blessed Beyonce, Saint Cougar Madonna, and a personal favorite of the widow - Saint Brandon Boyd out of Incubus. Please pray for guidance on these issues and know that it is I who pleads for your attention to this very important matter: complete the trifecta of the pantheon of Saints and show the devotion and love due to a great man - the late Grunge God out of Nirvana, the dearly beloved Kurt Cobain. Thank you.
This comes as Martin tours an album featuring a track called 42, and which runs exactly 42 minutes. And yet humanity still insists that CM is JUST a singer, and that the symbolism the CoCM take from his teachings are “mere coincidence”.
Chris, it should be noted, is not only a big fan of dead comedy-slash-sci-fi writer Douglas Adams, whose books claim that 42 is the meaning of “Life, the Universe, and Everything”, but also of US TV show Lost, which features a series of numbers - including 42 - which have affected the lives of all the Oceanic 316 survivors.
What is happening here? Was he foretelling the future? Do other of Chris’s lyrics also include prophecy?
Did he foresee the Credit Crunch? Did he see Swine Flu coming? Does Life in Technicolour foretell a time of tribulation (”there’s a cold war coming”)? Does Yellow predict the economic dominance of China? Does Viva la Vida foretell the passing of Christianity as the Church of Chris Martin sweeps all false religions away?
42 features some of the most puzzling lyrics he has ever penned -
Those who are dead are not dead
They’re just living in my head
It is not every human that ever lived that is in Chris’s brains, but the Biblical Prophets - Moses, Elijah, Frank, etc. Their work lives on in Chris.
And since I fell for that spell
I am living there as well
The spell is the vision he had that marked his acceptance of his divinity. Since then, he is aware of his role, and is in constant communication with the prophets.
Time is so short and I’m sure
There must be something more… Oooooooooooooooh.
Some scholars of religion have posited the theory that the fear of death is the root of the religious impulse in Man - we live and we die, and it seems that there must be something more. The Greeks had their Elysian Fields, the Christians their Heaven, the Norse Valhalla. When Scientologists die, they go to a spaceship anchored off Alpha Centauri that resembles a nineteen-fifties ocean liner, where the food is bland and the rooms curiously expensive; Islams, on the other hand, go to a beautiful misty mountainside where they are serviced by veiled virgins whilst munching bacon sandwiches.
You thought you might be a ghost
You thought you might be a ghost
You didn’t get to heaven but you made it close
You didn’t get to heaven but you made it close
This bit actually has nothing to do with the rest - rather, Chris is spelling out his theory about his favourite TV show, Lost. According to a long-running theory, the Oceanic survivors are in purgatory, but they “made it close” to Heaven. Here Chris seems to be talking to the survivors of Oceanic 316, perhaps as the voice of Christian Shepherd.
One thing that cannot be denied, however - symbolism follows Chris Martin around like a poorly-concealed fart seeping out of a trouserleg.
I, the Holy See & ordained Pope (Celestial) Elvis of the Church of Chris Martin do hereby proclaim - along with my Blessed Archpope Father Drobbingdon - the WRIT OF SOLEMNIZATION EDICT voted on by WordPress.
Please all Hail the Great New Saint Kurt Cobain, Holy Assistant to Pope Elvis Presley and our Church of Chris Martin Heavenly Music Director. Those Church members who wish to assist certain ROCK BANDS with other-worldly aid- from the “other side,” direct your prayers and beseechings to Saint Kurt Cobain. He will be helpful in granting Grammy Awards, #1 on Billboard Charts, & selling out concert venues world-wide.
The World today is in turmoil — fraught with danger, intrigue, deaths of celebrities-from A to D-list, and the continuing menace of coldplaying,com. Must we wake each morning to more bad economic news, saber-rattling from North Korea’s Dr. Demento, and another minor league musician claiming “Viva La Vida” was ripped off from them? Is there hope for our planet? Must life always be a constant struggle against chaos? Can we turn to our heroes for the hope we need to struggle through another day? Does Miley Cyrus really think Chris Martin is hot, despite her own mother’s admonitions?
I present this information as a metamorphisis into a plea that The Church of Chris Martin begin the processing of a third Blessed Saint to complete the trimurti needed to intercede on the Church’s behalf - both in earthly and heavenly time dimensions.
A LESSER SAINT (and one picked personally by the Arch Pope Drobbingdon) would be Saint Mark King out of Level 42. Now this selection mystifies me, but I have it on good authority that Saint Mark King’s melodies are admired and his fixation on the number 42 is also shared by Chris Martin - which seems to indicate qualification for Lesser Sainthood.
Members of this Great Church, hear me please! Cast your vote for sainthood for this fine man and the last puzzle piece needed to complete our trifecta of goodness! When all saints are in place and ready to go, we will finally be spiritually equipped to take on the scourge of coldplaying.com and triumph in power and glory over them. We need the three to attain enough devout goodness in prayer and in thought to overcome the Satans that exist in both earthly thought realms and the great beyond. Until then, I - the True Widow - can only pray and plead for your attention and obligation to the Church that will compel you to take the time and vote. There are plenty of both dead and alive Saints that can be called up next for a vote and of course the first that comes to mind would be dearly departed Michael Jackson.
This bit actually has nothing to do with the rest - rather, Chris is spelling out his theory about his favourite TV show, Lost. According to a long-running theory, the Oceanic survivors are in purgatory, but they “made it close” to Heaven. Here Chris seems to be talking to the survivors of Oceanic 316, perhaps as the voice of Christian Shepherd.