It’s starting right now, as I type this. The X-Factor final, the biggest night of the year (UK only). Will Danny look hotter than Cheryl? Will Joe come out live on TV? Will Simon become so self-satisfied that he collapses under his own smugness, sucking everyone else in the rooms’ self-esteem into himself in a black hole of superiority?
Probably! But the question on the lips of every person who thinks and feels is… will Chris Martin appear and do a duet with Stacy Solomon? Supposedly, she’s supposed to be singing with Michael Bublé, but nobody wants to see that, and after Beyoncé’s appearance last year, who knows? We know that Simon’s been on the phone, and maybe Chris wants a break from the studio.
And don’t forget, Stacy sung The Scientist in week 1:
So? Will it happen? I WILL UPDATE LATER!
UPDATE: No!!!! Michael fucking Bublé, dammit!!! Bad show, Simon. Bad show.
32 years ago today, singer, songwriter, poet, philosopher and messiah Chris Martin was born. This event simultaneously sorted out the music industry and ushered in the Age of Aquarius.
To celebrate, we are delighted to present a short film entitled Be Careful What You Wish For. It was created by CoCM acolyte Nika Ostoic, and is a deeply symbolic imagining of Lost.
Looking forward to reading how all you Martinis out there interpret it. Chris be with you!
The Church of Chris Martin is proud to present a new documentary - The Princess Diana Conspiracy: The Coldplay Connection.
Does Chris Martin know why Lady Diana had to die? Do Coldplay lyrics contain hidden references to the conspiracy to kill the Princess of Hearts?
July 1997: Anthony Martin is working for a major accountancy firm based in London. One of the accounts he looks after is that of the El Fayed family, owners of London’s prestigious Harrods store. He receives a letter from them, asking him to start putting an inventory of their business concerns together in preparation for a will to be drawn up. It appears that they were concerned that an attempt or attempts against their lives were going to be made.
Also that month, his son Chris Martin, a History undergraduate at University College, London, having played with starting a boy band called Pectoralz, forms an indie band called Starfish with three friends.
August 31st, 1997: Princess Diana, the best ride in the British royal family, dies in mysterious circumstances in a car crash in Paris. With her is the father of her unborn child, Dodi El Fayed, a Muslim.
May 1999: At Chris Martin’s graduation celebration, his father has a little too much to drink. As Chris, then a teetotal, takes him home in a taxi, his father mumbles something about a plot “to kill the people’s princess”. Chris, surprised at his father’s uncharacteristic behaviour, leaves him slumbering on the sofa and goes to his study. There, he begins to search through his father’s papers from before Diana’s death.
The papers he finds, including the original letter, confirm that Mohammad El Fayed believed not only was there a plot against his life, but that the British Royal Family were behind it. Chris also finds an envelope stuffed with newspaper clippings about Diana, the El Fayeds and MI6.
Later that month, Chris Martin’s band sign a six-album deal with EMI. They immediately enter the studio, but by the time their debut album “Parachutes” is released in 2001, Chris’s lyrics had taken on an new, political edge.
Do Coldplay’s songs contain hidden references to the plot to kill Diana? If he was in on the secret, Chris Martin would certainly be worried that he would become a target by speaking out, so perhaps he hid his knowledge in cryptic lyrics.
In “Yellow”, for example, “I wrote a song for you,” Chris sings to her, “and all the things you do.” But why were they “all Yellow”? As Chris says, “I drew a line for you,” and in Paris, a line means a route on the Metro. Line 1, Cháteau de Vincennes/La Défence, runs immediately beneath the Pont d’Alma tunnel. And what colour is used to symbolise this line on all Metro maps? Yellow. And after that fateful night, her “skin and bones”, her physical life and work, did indeed “turn into something beautiful” - her immortal life in all of our hearts.
But it was with Coldplay’s second LP that Chris grew in confidence and really began to hammer the point home. The opening track, the angry grind of Politik, contains the scene of Diana expiring on the asphalt surrounded by paparazzi (”open up your eyes”), and Chris’s call for openness in the investigation of the case - “Give me real, don’t give me fake.” And the title of the song shows that the larger political issues involved aren’t lost on him, either.
This fact is reflected in the change of name to “Coldplay”, refering to Brzinzki’s “The Grand Chessboard”, the covert international battle for supremacy on the world political stage between the European Christian empires of the 19th and 20th centuries and the Asian Muslim powers of the 21st. Diana’s death was only one move in that game. The players thought she was a pawn - but she was a queen.
“In My Place” and “God Put a Smile Upon Your Face” both contain more references to Metro lines, but it is the former song which contains Chris’s last word. She was lost, but the truth has yet to come out. “How long must we wait for it?” How long before Diana will “come back and sing to me”? We don’t know. Maybe the truth will never come out. But Coldplay’s albums sell in the millions, and if only a few people put together the clues and figure out what Chris is REALLY saying, that means the numbers are growing who demand answers. Until then, we’ll have to learn to deal with Death and All His Friends.
In 2005, three members of the Church of Chris Martin travelled from Scotland to the Glastonbury Festival, in an attempt to meet their Messiah before Coldplay’s headline slot. This is their story…
