Church Members: Glastonbury 2010 NEWS! Saint Bono has deigned to bring the boys to Glastonbury 2010 and U2 will headline the festival for the first time! Hallelujah! This momentous occasion will occur June 25, 2010.
I believe that Saint Bono has timed this so that he may become the first officially-Church sanctioned GUEST AT THE HOLY PILGRIMS 3 ERECTION UNVEILING! Yes, Church - WE WILL HAVE THE HONOR OF WELCOMING (OR STOPPING THE U2 TOUR BUS) & showing “Church Hospitality” to The Other Great One (who hails from Ireland!)
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November 26 2009 | Church History and news | 3 Comments »
Bono out of U2: “He’s a good melodist, but he’s a wanker. He’s obviously a completely dysfunctional character and a cretin, but he happens to be a great melodist and up there with Paul McCartney, Nate Dogg and Mark King.”
David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff: “I love those guys. I mean I really dig them. That’s a cool thing to say, right? Everybody?”
Tom “The Crew” Cruise: “Fuck Scientology!”
Miley Cyrus: “In my other life, I would definitely be, like, Chris Martin’s dream girl. He’s awesome, he’s, like, the most amazing performer. When I went to a show, he was like a saint.”
Robert “Syndrome” Downey, Jr.: “He’s a skinny guy. Like the skinniest guy I ever met, right? He’s got ribs like a toast rack in a condom. Skinny, period. But I could play a skinny guy. I should play a skinny guy…”
Kate Moss: “Fuck Coke!”
Barack Obama: “Where do you think I got the idea to save the world? Now get that muthafuckin microphone outta my mothafuckin face!”
Fran Healy out of Travis: “Chris Martin doesn’t sleep. If you plugged him in you could power a small Scottish town with all of his energy. He helped me reconstruct my tepee.”
Osama “the Bin” bin Laden: “Fuck Islam!”
March 06 2009 | Did you know!? and news | 8 Comments »
There is one God, and Chris Martin is His prophet.
Dean Drobbingdon is Archpope-in-Cheif.
And we are the Church.
But what about the Saints? So far, these are the only Saints recognised by the Church of Chris Martin:
Gwyneth
Bono
Nelson Mandela
Sting
Mother Theresa
But the time is right to canonise a new Saint! Vote now!
- Who do you think should be nominated for Sainthood?
July 31 2008 | Doctrine and news and site news | 2 Comments »
BEHOLD - THE LAMB OF GOD!
Bono seems to have predicted the coming of Chris Martin, just as John the Baptist predicted the coming of Jesus, the prophet before him. If you don’t believe me, read these lyrics and then SHUT UP!!!
I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
Saint Bono claims to have climbed the highest mountain. Yet Christ Martin asks “how long must I climb up this mountain of mine?” The mountain is OURSELFS, and if we think we can ever stop climbing, we are wrong.
I have run
He understands the importance of keeping fit. After all, obesity rates are rising.
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
The city walls are St. Bono’s confusion - “Confusion never stops, Closing walls and ticking clocks” (AROBTTH 5:3)
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
Saint Bono is looking for the new Messiah (Chris Martin). He will be “On a hilltop, On a sky-rise, Like a firstborn Child, Defeat darkness, Breaking daylight” (AROBTTH 6:4)
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
He is talking about the Sacred Feminine here. Like in Da Vinci’s Code. Chris Martin is not afrain of his femine side, saying he loves his wife and being all melodramatic, but he’s masculine as well, getting mad and kicking off at photographers and that.
I have spoke with the tongue of angel’s - (1 Corinthians 6:1)
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
Chris Martin acnowledges his good and bad sides too - “When I counted up my demons, Saw there was one for everyday, With the good ones on my shoulder, I drove the other ones away.” (PARACHUTES 10:1) - but he has sent his bad ones AWAY, not snuggled up to them like some sorta weird pervert!
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
I believe in the kingdom come
Hidden track on X&Y!
Then all the color’s will bleed into one
Bleed into one
This is Nelson Mandelas’ dream of a RAINBOW NATION. That RASISM IS WRONG is one of the Sacred Tenets of the Church of Chris Martin. It’s just really not on.
Saint Bono was a lot younger when he wrote this song, but he still looks good for 65. He probably does a lot of exercise.
Well yes I’m still running
You broke the bond’s and you
Loosed the chain’s
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it
But Bono remains chained, powerless. He is not the one to loose ALL of our chains, release us from our shame. It is Chris Martin who carried the cross for us. This is true; Bono tells us ‘I believed it’.
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for -
I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…
April 23 2008 | Doctrine and Interpretation | 1 Comment »
