On Saint George’s Day, all around the world, Englishmen and women gather to celebrate their proud cultural heritage. Coldplay, England’s top artistic (and spiritual) export, are no exception.
The four group members, their wives and their many children, are expected to gather at Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s London pad today for an afternoon of revelry, and a break from their punishing tour schedule, to enjoy a few ales and partake of the traditional St. George’s Day festivities -
Re-watching the 1966 World Cup Final - Everyone must say “They think it’s all over - it is now!” at the appropriate moment. Extra kudos can be earned by wearing a Bobby Charlton comb-over wig, or by going to a foreign country en masse, getting blind drunk and fighting with the locals.- Voting Tory - Two children are chosen, and each must make a speech before the other guests. One is dressed in fine clothes and must talk in a plummy accent of traditional values, the monarchy and a hatred of foreigners. The other is dressed in rags and must mumble about the workers, the welfare state and the Colonies (AKA Scotland, Wales and Ireland) in a northern accent. Then a mock ballot is held, and the loser is ceremonially beaten.
- Saluting George Best - One person (the “George Best”) must drink alcohol until they pass out. Bizarrely, they are then saluted as a hero as they are stretchered into the ambulance.
A Minute’s Silence for the Queen - The Queen is a German enchantress who has somehow managed to bewitch the English into believing that she is more than human. They not only give her money, but even the lives of their sons. She represents nothing that is progressive, equal or sane, yet grown Englishmen will still weep over their Christmas dinners as she reads a speech written by someone else, without any emotion or theatrical flair.- Parading the Frenchman - Over the preceding weeks, the children (often with help from the adults) have constructed an effigy of a Frenchman. At the end of the day, this effigy is paraded around the group, either in a wheelbarrow or merely dragged by the arms, and all must hold their noses as though the smell was unbearable. Finally, the Frenchman is set upon by the children, who tear it limb from limb as the adults chant “Agincourt! Agincourt!”
When the fun is over, what else is there to do but to sit down to a meal of traditional English food - a macrobiotic, organic Chicken Tikka Masala, specially created by their private chef, Farouk Sanddu.
April 23 2009 | news | 7 Comments »
Yesterday was Saint George’s Day, and all around the world, Englishmen and women gathered to celebrate their proud cultural heritage. Coldplay, England’s top artistic (and spiritual) export, were no exception.
The four group members, their wives and their many children, gathered at Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s London pad for an afternoon of revelry, and a break from their punishing schedule of marketing the new LP. They enjoyed a few ales and partook of the traditional St. George’s Day festivities. These included -
- Re-watching the 1966 World Cup Final - Everyone must say “They think it’s all over - it is now!” at the appropriate moment. Extra kudos can be earned by wearing a Bobby Charlton comb-over wig, or by going to a foreign country en masse, getting blind drunk and fighting with the locals.
- Voting Tory - Two children are chosen, and each must make a speech before the other guests. One is dressed in fine clothes and must talk in a plummy accent of traditional values, the monarchy and a hatred of foreigners. The other is dressed in rags and must mumble about the workers, the welfare state and the Colonies (AKA Scotland, Wales and Ireland) in a northern accent. Then a mock ballot is held, and the loser is ceremonially beaten.
- Saluting George Best - One person (the “George Best”) must drink alcohol until they pass out. Bizarrely, they are then saluted as a hero as they are stretchered into the ambulance.
- A Minute’s Silence for the Queen - The Queen is a German enchantress who has somehow managed to bewitch the English into believing that she is more than human. They not only give her money, but even the lives of their sons. She represents nothing that is progressive, equal or sane, yet grown Englishmen will still weep over their Christmas dinners as she reads a speech written by someone else, without any emotion or theatrical flair.
- Parading the Frenchman - Over the preceding weeks, the children (often with help from the adults) have constructed an effigy of a Frenchman. At the end of the day, this effigy is paraded around the group, either in a wheelbarrow or merely dragged by the arms, and all must hold their noses as though the smell was unbearable. Finally, the Frenchman is set upon by the children, who tear it limb from limb as the adults chant “Agincourt! Agincourt!”
When the fun was over, what else was there to do but to all sit down to a meal of traditional English food - a macrobiotic, organic Chicken Tikka Masala, specially created by their private chef, Farouk Sanddu.
April 24 2008 | news | 1 Comment »
