The Essentials
These 10 articles will tell you everything you need to know about Chris Martin, the Church, and the VERY FABRIC OF REALITY ITSELF. If this is your first visit, you’ve come to the right place…
- The life of Dean Drobbingdon, apostle - About the Founder
- Four little words that help you lead a better life - What Would Chris Do?
- Is Chris ready to ditch Gwyneth? Does Jay-Z know? Chris Loves Beyonce!
- The Scientist - How Chris’s little brother’s dismal academic record inspired an all-time classic!
- Holy shroud! - Miracle Image on Soiled Napkin
- Coldplay Song Causes Instant Weeping - College rock as crowd control?
- Find out how the English celebrate their national day of celebration -Saint George’s Day
- Coldplay Star Heals Potato-Headed Cripple - a rush of TRUTH to the head.
- CIA Tell Chris Martin to Fly on 9/11 - it’s not a conspiracy theory, it’s a conspiracy fact.
- Violet Hill interpretation - Chris’s “cryptic” lyrics explained!
November 09 2008 11:43 pm
Sagen on 15 Nov 2008 at 12:32 am #
Chris Martin is my savior. All who believe in him shall have eternal life.
rob driscoll on 22 Nov 2008 at 2:57 am #
Dean!
How do I start a thread or blog here or whatever, I think I found my home. (i sent you an email)
All I ever wanted
was to sleep by his feet
In perfect symmetry
drobbingdon on 23 Nov 2008 at 12:03 am #
Rob, check your inbox.
I told him about the opportunity to get in touch and submit ideas or even write a guest post for the church of chris martin. If you have an idea, drop an email to indoctrination AT thechurchofchrismartin.com (sorry, anti-spam measure!) and we’ll take it from there.
Right now, I’d be interested in reading about how the CoCM changed YOUR life.
Or maybe the members just want their forum back?
Amy on 10 Dec 2008 at 5:45 pm #
IDIOTAS…
Cheilon.... on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:55 am #
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnntttttttttttttt!
Cheilon.... on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:56 am #
Sagen is my cousin, so what go on with your LIFE.
Cheilon.... on 18 Feb 2009 at 3:58 am #
no CHRIS MARTIN is my cousin,now get on with your life.
Alex on 28 Apr 2009 at 12:08 am #
Oh my goodness. This is very rediculous. Anyone who actually believes in Chris Martin as a God-like figure needs to stop. Don’t get me wrong… Coldplay is my favorite band, but I do not cherish them more than our Lord and Savior above us. He is the one we should all be following. He is the one that will give us eternal life.
Holly Ghost on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:47 am #
Alex: I hear you. Maybe you are worried that we are worshipping a “false prophet” which is sacrilege, ofcourse. But if you are a coldplaying.com member trying to make us feel bad, it will not succeed. Had you been a regular inhaler of the C of CM and read all our posts, then you would realize that CM is a New Age John the Baptist heralding the imminent arrival of the female Messiah! There is no need to feel bad about this-in fact, CM is blessed and lucky to be ordained into this privledged position. Go back to that ugly message board and postings on coldplaying.com. The Church of Chris Martin is for Chris(tians) with the balls to speak the Holy Truth, no matter what. Hallelujah!
mindfreak on 03 May 2009 at 4:26 am #
he is nothing more than a great singer
what is it with this website?
BS
Marzipan on 03 May 2009 at 7:24 pm #
Please mindfreak..don’t denigrate the purity of this Holy website by your coldplaying.com mutterings and
poison pen! We do not allow for mental ward escapees to pollute the image of beloved Chris(t) Martin.
You have heard that Saint Bono is considering solemn castration for those found guilty of diabolical web schemes against the Church. Go paste that threat on your stupid threads and messageboards over at coldplaying.com. CHOP! CHOP!
Chris Martin on 06 May 2009 at 3:40 pm #
This is rubbish, and weird to have a Church named after you.
Pre-dilictor on 06 May 2009 at 6:01 pm #
What is rubbish is that the world at large refuses to recognize the validity of our arguments that CM is a deity worthy of Holy worship. The Great OverLord-Drobbingdon-had a vision and a quest to enlighten the universe with his knowledge and guidance. We also bow down to his goodness in perpetuity**REX MUNDI CHRIS MARTIN!
Dany- Danielle on 22 Jun 2009 at 9:02 am #
FUK ALL OF U DAT SAY CHRIS IS THE MESSIAH…FUK DIS SITE! FUK ITS HOLINESS!FUK FUK FUK! JESUS IS THE MESSIAH!!!!! JESUS ONLY!!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HAV THE 666 MARK ON YOUR HEADS ON JUDGEMENT DAY!!! I AGREE WITH ALEX. WHOEVER BELIEVES IN JESUS WILL HAV ETERNAL LIFE! COLDPLAY IS MY FAV BAND BUT ITS AINT HOLY! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU BRAINLESS PEOPLE?? ”BEWARE OF FALSE PROPHETS AND MESSIAHS” SAYS THE BIBLE!
Bible Thumper on 22 Jun 2009 at 2:28 pm #
Attention: “Dany-Danielle”
Despite your illiteracy and inability to spell correctly and your obvious mental limitations:
FUK FUK FUK YOU! YOU AIN’T IN YOUR RIGHT MIND!
THE BIBLE (perhaps) MAY SAY: “If YOU SAY FUK TO MY HOLIEST ONES, The Devil will strike you down.”
coldplaying.com is getting DESPERATE, if they have non-intelligenters such as Dany-Danille writing stuff like this!
Chris Martin still loves you but FUK OFF!
Nat on 30 Jun 2009 at 10:35 am #
Fuck yeah! Chris is my God!
??????? ????? on 03 Jul 2009 at 9:22 pm #
???-???? ????????????? ???????? ??? ??? ????. ?????? ????? ????????? ??????, ??????? ? ??? ????.
B R O W N S U G A R ** on 12 Jul 2009 at 9:45 pm #
“COLDPLAYING.COM SUCKS!” by Brown Sugar
What’s the worst thing you can do or say?
-I don’t like Coldplay?
-Chris Martin is gay?
-They should have won more Grammys? No way?
_Gwyneth is nuts to go GOOP-what the hey?
No! The worst thing in life is : coldplaying.com, cause those idiots over there are only a website that could be loved by a mom!
They are the worst excuse for fan threads-
-and all their bloggers need to be on heavy-duty meds! They like to put their dirty dealings on world affairs and then their henchmen run back and hide in their batcave lairs.
I know that coldplaying.com is tight with Kim Jong;
plus they smoke opium pipes all day long! That drug money goes right to the coffers of Al-Queda’s camps-and it’s the coldplaying.com women (and NOT the C O C -ers)who are the BIGGEST TRAMPS!
coldplaying.com put up dirty money to fund Joe Satriani and Cat “Twat” Stevens. Those website imbeciles are a bunch of dirty heathens! Then they had a witch ceremony to put a hex on our Coldplay boys-they got a hold of some Coldplay puppets and did bad things to those cute little toys.
coldplaying.com sent a hooker to dally with Father Drob at a Sunday Coldplay mass-this hussy was ugly, fat, venereal-diseased and crass! Thank goodness the Arch Pope came to his senses and sent her running! coldplaying.com is evil, Satanic, vicious and cunning!
Church of Chris Martin devotees-don’t be misled-
coldplaying.com is crazy in the head!
They are jealous of our website heavy-duty rock star fans, and that Chris Martin didn’t want to be their “Lover in Japan.”
So hang up the garlic, pray to Cobain, and take pride in your top Coldplay site-
one of these days..those nitwits at coldplaying.com will give up their misguided fight.
Until that happens, rest assured Chris loves us best,
and maybe He will even help us fund the Holy Pilgrim Erection at the Glastonbury Fest?
Lucilla on 15 Jul 2009 at 6:12 pm #
I am starting to believe.
The Real Chris Martin on 17 Jul 2009 at 7:40 am #
I am the Light of this World
And from Darkness we will emerge
I am the Truth in this World
And You are All the Puke
I am the Red in Rose
And You are the Pain in Me
I am Alpha and Omega
The Beginning and the End
There is But One God
And Chris Martin Is His Prophet
Forever Yours / From Beyond the Seventh Harmonic / Balancing on a Light Beam / The Real Chris Martin
Virgin Saint of Glastonbury on 17 Jul 2009 at 7:04 pm #
I am the Blessed One that guides the Holy 3;
When they get to Glastonbury-they buy their tickets but don’t want to pay the service fee.
The sojourners see the girls with blotchy white skin-
to think of dallying with these albinos would surely be a sin! Let’s try & find girls that don’t have the “dental Yellows,” cause you want a nice mouth-if you get “lucky,” fellows!
I know the motel you stayed at left much to be desired!
Ask the Kings of Leon about that dump-that’s where they got their “Sex on Fire!”
The food you subsisted on was unfit for even the dogs-
And what about that band that once played Glastonbury long ago: “Space-Hog?”
Did anyone see the Arch Pope Drobbingdon skulking about? He is paranoid about the North Koreans & just now leaving the bunker to “come out!” That great man is truly a blessing indeed, but he will get a bad attitude if you don’t share your Glastonbury weed!
The Church of Chris Martin shall one day rise in love and ascend to a heavenly choir, despite those C O C girl strippers and their hearty, lusty desires!
Those wantons thinks nothing of doing it with jailbirds by the road. Father Drobbingdon called them….”the biggest group of horny toads!”
Please Church: Honor Cobain with the rest of the rock banders: Pastor Yorke, Sir Veddered, Barrister Boyd, Bishop McCartney, and even that bad excuse for a vagina: Cretin Courtney of Hole…She is the only one among the Rock Banders WITHOUT A SOUL!
There is no greater Church among the websites
that dot the net-
send LOTS of lucre to the Arch Pope so he can erase his bankruptcy debt!
Then he will pray your “indulgences” to Chris Martin’s shrine, and you will be a Holy member of this Church of Chris Martin Most Divine!
VIVA the C O C girls “strip statements on political/ideological/ecological/gynecology!”
-
nicole on 17 Sep 2009 at 9:43 pm #
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?
IM FROM COLDPLAY AND I LOVE CHRIS!!
you guys are mental…
feel free to look me up.
….sickos…
nicole on 17 Sep 2009 at 9:44 pm #
hes not the messiah
jesus christ is?
Post-Wembley Mental Counselor on 23 Sep 2009 at 7:49 pm #
A T T E N T I O N:
coldplaying.com victims & Twitter-freaks!
This is the mental health counselor at the Church of Chris Martin. I cannot use my real name because of state investigations into my shoddy professionalism and lack of truth in my resumes presented to obtain jobs. Plus I have been convicted of using my job to obtain preferential sexual favors from my clients. Never mind that bit of trivia: I am here to invite you to come down to our YELLOW WEMBLEY TENT!
Yes-it is STILL UP, and we are here to serve the psychological needs of coldplaying.com-whose website if full of all kinds of perverts, deviants, kinky role-players, mama’s boys and daddy’s girls plus an odd bunch of dominatrix-not that I would know about that! There exists at coldplaying.com a whole slew of WEIRDO’s and basement-dwelling “wankers” who may need Church of Chris Martin guidance and “spiritual counsel.” DO NOT DESPAIR!
The Great Father Drobbingdon has authorized us to continue our “TALK DOWN” Wembley mission & seek to convert you coldplaying.com heathens over to our way-of-life. Here at the Church, you will find, friendship, flowers, other virgins like you-but not many! C:O:C: love run amuck is the rule-of-the-day. Holy Glastonbury Pilgrims welcome you with open arms and Vibrant erections! BrotherRob may try and get you to join his soon-to-be-big-with Gibby rock band. The True Widow will regale you with her Prison and Penis Judging escapades! If you are deemed worthy of a visit from the Arch Pope Drobbingdon and Mother Drobbingdon-assume that you are truly blessed!
Yes one! Yes all! Come out to the TENT EVENT! Nut doctors are available ON SITE to get you off that evil website: coldplaying.com & shock treatments are free to rid you of that mortifying TWITTER disease.
We have trained REACH-OUT groups trolling the parks and restrooms for picnic-ing coldplaying.com members who seek HELP! THE CHURCH is your FRIEND-despite what you may have heard! Come on OUT for a great time of psychological nuturing. Everything is confidential except the details of coldplaying.com special secrets-that we shall twist and use against them in our constant battle for internet domination.
GOD BLESS this GREAT CHURCH of LOVE & MENTAL HELP!
drobbingdon on 25 Sep 2009 at 8:12 pm #
What did Nicole say? A Nay-syaer? Nay, I say! She is ready for OUR MAN CHRIS!!
~ WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?
That is the sound of someone’s mind being blown, pilgrims!
~ IM FROM COLDPLAY AND I LOVE CHRIS!!
Here she describes my Mission - an IM (Internet Message) from me and Colplay. We say: Love Chris as God!
~ you guys are mental…
We do use our intellects to the fullest.
~ hes not the messiah
jesus christ is?
Just look at the question mark. Such uncertainty!
~ feel free to look me up.
You are hereby invited to join the CoCM, Nicole. Welcome!! :¬))
confuzzle bear on 27 Oct 2009 at 4:49 am #
I really, really really really really very much extremely don’t see the point of this website. Are you saracstic with your postings, and try to humilate Chris Martin…
Or do you really truly believe he is the Messiah?
PLEASE ANSWER ME!!
macc_around_30 on 10 Nov 2009 at 1:20 pm #
where do you get all this creativity? Drugs, drink or merely divine ispiration?
slave of drobbingdon on 10 Nov 2009 at 10:09 pm #
dearest macc_around-30
Friar Drobbingdon as allowed me to comment, as long as I KEEP “the mystery!”
We Elders at the Church are drug-and booze tested by Drobbingdon’s therapist weekly. If we are found to have excessive amounts of drugs and booze in our system, Drobbingdon will throw a fit and ask WHY we didn’t share it with him! So yes to some drugs & wine.
As for divine inspiration-if you are a true follower of the Church doctrine and missionary positions that we like to take, then you would know WHO are most recent Saint is! That is the conduit the Church uses for all sorts of creativity, inspiration, perspiration, mitigation, pro-creation, and litigation! Not that Saint Cobain is a big Coldplay fan, because he probably would make fun of them just as he used to diss Pearl Jam as “record label sell-outs.” But the Great Grunge God has a True Widow that he favors and does her bidding-from a heavenly perspective, and that is “the mystery.”
Please mac_around-30: KEEP IT A SECRET! Shhhhhh!
Memo on 21 Nov 2009 at 4:38 pm #
Chris Martin is the prophet! He is the savior of all humanity! He shall be the one to show us the way forward to a better life with his musical genius!
I admit to have dabbled in the Coldplaying.com way of life, but I have now been washed of my sins and have now fully converted to The Church Of Chris Martin!
Chris be with you all!!
Devout Disciple Welcomer on 21 Nov 2009 at 11:03 pm #
WELCOME M E M O !
We greet you with open arms as a willing convert to the Church of Chris Martin. Here you will be cleansed and fresh-ready to start again with the proper worship of The Great One. You have seen the error of your (coldplaying.com) ways & seek absolution. We offer that here too-if you provide Euro’s to Father Drobbingdon’s “charity fund”-all the more absolution will be granted to you!
Now if you are just another basement wanker looking to get lucky with a C:O:C: girl-that is another option available to true converts. This Church of Chris Glory has so much to offer the repentant sinner; you have already cast aside your previous associations and wish to seek the grace that awaits your soul at the altar of Coldplay.
M E M O: Your chaste wisdom has earned you a spot on the Grand Solemnization Stage when The Church throws it’s big Saint Cobain party! Please bow now in prostration to all that is HOLY! Viva MEMO. Amen.
sam on 10 Dec 2009 at 11:41 pm #
uhhhhhhh
i love chris but this is a bit far..really
terlefunken on 15 Jan 2010 at 11:41 am #
DO WE NEED TO CALL DOCTORE TO DO CHACK UP ON Y’ALL?
Memo on 25 Jan 2010 at 12:10 am #
@terlefunken we do not need any sort of doctor… Chris is the only medicine we seek! You should embrace the messiah with all your might and love! This is the only way to cleanse your soul from the trouble within you my son! VIVA
helpme on 26 Jan 2010 at 2:22 am #
There no where else to go with this. Chris Martin, please help.
Patrick Schlecker is the worst timpanist on the planet and he is ruining the
orchestra he plays in. Chris, help.
dylan on 31 Jan 2010 at 12:35 am #
I love Coldplay, but you guys are freaks. Chris is making beautiful music not saving souls. You people need to go to a real church.
Interlopers-Scram! on 31 Jan 2010 at 3:48 am #
Dear Dylan:
On behalf of our Blessed Father Drobbingdon-now a wanted criminal-I must say to you: Interloper-take a hike!
This Church is only for those unique individuals who are far progressed in the spiritual realm and can perceive the angelic character of Chris Martin.
Nay-sayers and dis-believers are ignorant fools-such as yourself, Dylan, and I must command you now to return to your mommy’s basement and get out the pillowcase cause it’s wanking time! Go have a good time when mommy goes and gets drunk at the neighborhood bar.
We all love Coldplay and if the brethren and sistren here are freaks, it is because Chris has blessed us with his music and we have it in our heads the God sounds of the universe. Obviously, this has passed you by, Dylan and sad to say-your soul WILL NOT be saved as you have disparaged us here today.
Make your reservation for the fiery pits of hell and say hello to the Killers and Oasis/Gallagher brothers on the way down to Hades. While you are consumed by the conflagration that awaits all those who darken our Holy doorstep, ask Chris to forgive you for trespassing against us!
It is done. Amen.
dylan on 31 Jan 2010 at 8:23 am #
Who are you to say I am damned. That job belongs to God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Coldplay’s music is the greatest in my opinion and there isn’t a band that I listen to more. But you “followers” of Chris are truly delusional. If Chris Martin actually knew about you people he would tell you to wake up and go see a psychologist. How old are you, truly? Isn’t poking fun at people by including their mothers a bit elementary. Actually poking fun at anyone in an argument is something only done when you are desperate and have nothing to argue with. Chris is a Musician, not a God. I suggest you and all your followers truly take a look at yourselves because it is self-examination time. You all need to get your heads straight and find the real God. It’s loonies like you who end up killing our beloved musicians and carving swastikas into your foreheads. Now seriously, go see a doctor.
Hot Doctor on 31 Jan 2010 at 4:03 pm #
Dearest Dylan:
I AM a Doctor and I have made the proper diagnosis:
YOU ARE THE DELUSIONAL ONE! You have the balls (not for long) to come up on us here & think you can lecture us about Jesus, God, & the Holy Spirit?
Many fine Church members and High Elders hold internet degrees attesting to their knowledge of biblical truths. Some even are honorary PH.D’s from the Church of Chris Martin! Do you also disdain the merits of higher education? You are truly a despicable creature!
I cannot speak for our Great and Noble Leader: Father Drobbingdon- now running from “the Man,” but I know in his infinite wisdom-he would order up Saint Bono’s favorite method of punishment for devils such as yourself:
an immediate solemn castration. Get ready for some alto soprano, Dylan.
No one of us is saying we are perfectly sane, but I bet we are a lot more sane than those chronic basement wankers over at coldplaying.com. And YES-we will mention MOMMY, as juvenile as you think that sounds. I bet your own MOTHER is VERY ASHAMED of you now and very displeased that The Church of Chris Martin HAS PASSED A JUDGMENT ON YOU: off with the NUTS! She so wanted grandchildren-as retarded as they might come out-with your diseased genes! But those under-sized family jewels shan’t be missed too much-it’s not like you used them for anything but wanking in the basement!
God Bless Father Drobbingdon. In the name of the Father-it is his lips that curse you today-whatever small and chic French Rivera town he is laid up at. I now just channel things from him and I do know that he will ban you forever more from leaving your accursed nonsense on these Holy pages! Dylan-go play with yourself-ONE LAST TIME! THE DOCTOR HAS SPOKEN! Viva!
Anonymous on 31 Jan 2010 at 5:44 pm #
What a load of rubbish. I see there is no arguing with you loonies for your intellectual needs are not up to par to conduct a proper argument. Who are you to speak of the merits of higher education? I am not the one with some fraudulent “degree” from an insane “church”. People like you should not be allowed to listen to music with lyrics for you only try to find the meaning in it that isn’t really there. If you had any sense you could see you and your followers share scary similarities to likes of those such as Charles Manson and Mark David Chapman. You people are truly disgusting. And you think your threats of my testicles are suppose to scare me?, or just make me laugh at how juvenile and misinformed you really are. I hope you enjoy the white, padded room that awaits those of you who are discovered by your governments. Now I say to all of you- Turn from your ways and seek Jesus, not Chris. Viva!
dylan on 31 Jan 2010 at 5:45 pm #
^sorry but I forgot to post my name, the above post is dylan.
Drobbingdon's altered ego on 31 Jan 2010 at 7:08 pm #
Dylan: you of the soon-to-be-dismembered member:
Please go back and wank one more time in the basement.
Perhaps that will instill some sense in one of your heads-both of which are terrifically under-sized!
Chris Martin chuckles at us; as do most of the rest of the people with the blessed luck to stumble onto these glorious pages. Many of us have already been in the padded rooms and have come out-REFRESHED & CLEAR-MINDED! Sagacious enough to know that de-filers and heretics such as yourself await a fate worse than death. You will be the first SOLEMN CASTRATION of the New Year! To honor Holy Saint Bono at Glastonbury 2010-we will string you up on the Stage of Sanctification and allow you to be made an example of. No-we are not Charles Manson or Mark David Chapman but you are a blasphemer!
Terribly sad that it is such a small, under-utilized and under-sized member that is to be removed-much like the lack of brains in your head. I am sure that your mommy will be relieved to know that soon there will be no more need to wash all those sticky and semen-encrusted pillowcases after she gets home with some drunk oaf she picked up at the local bar!
The High Church Elders are preparing the boning knives, as we speak. Don’t worry-we will recycle your penis and throw it into the Wrath of Khan firepit where we also burn effigies of other foolish nay-sayers! As the burning flames consume what’s left of your penis, we will chant precious devotional words of Coldplay-the band you so claim to enjoy!
Never cast aspersions again on these pages. Sinenomine aka Lilith-please amen this judgment on Dylan-may his Penis NOT rest in piece! Viva! Amen.
Sakrileg on 31 Jan 2010 at 7:56 pm #
This is no church. It is a blasphemous cult whose followers are fools and damned to Hell if they do not repent and turn from their ways.
dylan on 31 Jan 2010 at 8:15 pm #
I agree with sakrileg, although I care not to put it so bluntly. You people are true loonies and I fear it would take an unrealistic amount of medication to bring you back into the realm of the sane. Nothing is going to happen to me for your threats carry no weight. I will continue my life listening to Coldplay and knowing the true God and messiah and when it is all over I will go to heaven. You people on the other hand will parish if you do not change and Chris Martin won’t care because he doesn’t know of you and he wouldn’t care for you if he did. Viva la Vida
Glastonbury Pilgrim on 31 Jan 2010 at 11:24 pm #
Both sakrileg & dylan are bad and they are no doubt coldplaying.com clowns.
Church: be strong! These lunatics and debaser’s are crawling from under the rocks and out from the guano-caked bat caves where they ply their evil on a regular basis.
Father Drobbingdon warned us that-should a bad fate befall him-the dregs of humanity would levitate up and cause mischief to the Holy Ones of This Blessed Endeavor! There is a power-vacuum and look what has come up out of the sewer? Everyone here is aware of the True God and no one needs to apologize for anything. If Chris Martin were truly offended by our site, all it would take is one phone call from one of his high-powered lawyers to shut us down. Chris Martin respects creativity and originality as much as any other artist-something dylan and his boyfriend know nothing about! So they run their fecal-mouths and announce to the world: THEY ARE HATERS! But we are NOT so let’s call a truce!
I would like to ask dylan is: if he knows so much about medication, can he get us some good party pills so us Pilgrims can get lucky with some HOT CHICKS at Glastonbury? We had enough of those yellow-teethed. blotchy-skinned wenches last time and want some fine babes this time out! If you guys shut your mouths, maybe I can get you into the VIP Yellow Tent and then you can really see why all the ROCK STARS and horny toads LOVE this Church for real! Peace out.
dylan on 01 Feb 2010 at 3:59 am #
There is no arguing with crazies. I wish you well and hope you all find the correct path. Viva La Vida
Sakrileg on 01 Feb 2010 at 4:32 am #
Providing that you do not change your ways; when you die 42 will be playing “you didn’t get to heaven, but you made it close”. Although making it close is maybe giving you too much credit.
Banished to the Wanking Closet on 01 Feb 2010 at 5:36 am #
Both of you boys need to go spank each other and not like it too much.
The Church has the fast track to heaven courtesy of Chris Martin.
Father Drobbingdon promised us that if we hustled donations to his “Indulgences” program to excuse sins, our charitable work would please St. Peter-who would call us home. Sakrileg: It is not nice to surmise about strangers you do not know- going to heaven or not-even though you and your boyfriend dylan are going to hell.
please go now and wank away-didn’t your mommy tell you-when she wasn’t getting drunk at the bar or entertaining some sailors in the bedroom-that too much pulling on your appendages stunts your growth?
Your opinions are not wanted here and if we are so awful, then go find another virtual Church to defame.
When Father Drobbingdon gets back to business, you two fag-ala’s will be toast. May Chris Bless You as you wanks your brains out! Wait-what brains?
Sakrileg on 02 Feb 2010 at 12:17 am #
You have the thought process of a ten year old. None of you can hold an argument without mentioning a mother. I am not worried by your threats. They are worthless. Your entire organization and it’ s members are all just worthless shats, and that includes your unholy cunt father Drobbingdon. I am not from Coldplay.com, I am just another human more enlightened than you to see just how ridiculous you and your shenanigans are. You are all fools and Chris Martin would say the same.
Divine Being of Light on 02 Feb 2010 at 2:12 am #
Sakrileg: guess what? I can trace your posts back to you using the IPL address and find out who you are.
Then I will Twitter Chris Martin (or thought-channel him) & let him know what a twisted fool you are and how you shamelessly taunt the Blessed Congregants of His Most Holy Church.
You will be exposed for the emotional cripple and ugly vagrant that you are. We don’t want you here on our website and at least Dylan has the good sense to shut up now. That ensures him entrance into the Yellow VIP Tent at Glasto where he can have his choice of C:O:C: girls-that is, IF he swings that way. If not, the Glasto Pilgrims might be available?
You, however, will be tied down in the Enema Room-where several bowel cleansing procedures will be tried out on you in order to rid you of the demons that inhabit your intestines. And no, they don’t wear leather during the Holy Washing or hit you with a riding crop either-so NO FUN for you.
Father Drobbingdon will soon be here to let you have it with his rapier wit and sharp-edged sword of a tongue. When he takes his verbal hatchet out-you are a goner. Take your filthy mouth and bad bowel hygiene and go make some coldplaying.com-er happy!
Banished! It is done.
dylan on 02 Feb 2010 at 4:55 pm #
This entire site is a joke, a literal joke. I don’t see why you guys are playing around with stuff like this when there are real lunatics out there who believe things like this. This isn’t a cult or a church, just a shot a humor to see how many people think they are serious. I support comedy, but this is done in the wrong way.
No Yellow Tent for You, Dylan! on 02 Feb 2010 at 7:10 pm #
Please Dylan-purge your mouth of insensitive remarks!
Do you not wish to attend the Yellow Tent Event at Glasto 2010? Sit on the Golden dais with Saint Bono?
You will have special VIP Access as a reformed heretic but now that special elite status is in jeopardy.
If it is possible-turn your computer off and stop antagonizing the Holy Elders and Church Saints-this is not good for your soul!
We here at the virtual Church know you mean well, but you have not been spiritually-transgressed enough to appreciate the finer details of our solemn
Place of Chris Worship. I am asking you-kindly now, to cease-and-desist from your incendiary remarks-lest you provoke the wrath of the lesser, unstable souls you thusly inhabit and promote proper Church doctrine. Father Drobbingdon’s mouth-hatchet may also consume you in a wellstream of unmitigated castigation and then you will know that you have been damned to Hell. May Chris Bless You in a quiet repose! Viva! Adios!
!@##$ on 08 Feb 2010 at 5:53 pm #
Jesus is the only one that can SAVE YOU!!!
you are all confuse,you have a obsesion whit this,
soner or later you will now it and i pray that it wont be to LATE!I love cold play but…Jesus is the center of my life!!!
YOU NEED HELP(Jesus)now!!
i will pray 4 you
Mystery Man on 09 Feb 2010 at 7:55 am #
Dear church member(s),
Do you support butt cracks? If so I will join you because I have been searching for the right type of church and I do believe this could be the one. Thanks in advance!
lola on 10 Feb 2010 at 6:00 pm #
the worst thing you could do!!!
MYSTERY MAN!!!!
dont be a jerk!!